vicodin addiction

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I havent posted in a few weeks. My original post was titled no where to turn. I talked about my addiction to vicodin es. I was going through out-patient detox and writing about how horrible I felt. Just to give you a little summary, I was taking 15-20 a day for about two years. My husband did not know nor did anyone else. The day before I went into out-patient detox I spilled the beans to my husband and he was some what supportive. Although he told me if I lied to him or took another pill again he would leave and take the kids with him. The day I "graduated" from detox I called the Dr. and got another script thinking I could take them as prescribed for my cronic pain. WRONG!!! I went through the 10 in one day. The next day I tried to get more and I couldnt. Thats when my life changed. I was arrested on March 31st aftr calling in (pretending I was a Dr.) my own script. I feel that I also have to tell you that my husband is a state trooper. So you can imagine how I felt being hauled off to the police station knowing that they would call him. When he came to get me he was pissed. Not to say that I blame him. Before he picked me up he called my entire family for support. I told him I needed help and he agreed. I went to the er and was admitted into the psych ward for detox. I was there for 5 days and then transfered to an in-patient facility to learn about this awful illness that I will have for the rest of my life. As for my husband he didnt leave me. Thank God. He is more supportive then I ever thought he would be. Being arressted I believe was my bottom. I was so devestated that I allowed that to happen. Although looking back now it was a blessing. I am 16 days clean now and just starting to feel better. I have good days and bad but I live one day at a time. I am in a out patient program 3 days a week now and learning to cope with this. If I can give any of you advice seek professiional help. You cant do it alone. No matter how hard you try I know I tried for a long time to beat this on my own. No matter what you tell yourself you cant do it alone.

[emmitt22fan]

I take only 2-3 a day for my 3 herniated discs. I probably am developing and addiction to them. I am able to stay at the prescribed dose or even less, but I am curious as well about how I can stop them. I have been on them about a year now and they are what get me through the day without pain, but the high is also nice as well. I can't lie. I would try to cut down to the doesage your doc gave you and then slowly cut that down as well. That is what my doctor suggested for me if I can get through the pain without them. I know they have outpatient detox and maybe you and I could both try that! I just don't know where to begin. I don't think my doctor worries since I stay at the prescribed dose. I am not sure how far my addiction has gone. I would love for anyone to email me with advice and thoughts for my situation. Thanks!

[Sherri]

I'm pretty much not replying to a specific post. I have been on vicoden norco for about 2 years now, it all started when I was having bad menstraul cycles and when the doctor went in to see why I was having such bad menstraul cycles she did a dnc and looked around and found that I had endmetrious (<---spelling) while taking a sample of the endmetious she burned a hole in my colon, which I didn't know about until a week later when I become deathly ill and almost died. Well my colon got fixed but my endmetrious is still there and I have the worse pain. That is a true problem with me, but I also find myself making more things bigger then they really are, like back pain, before i found vicoden I would take tylenol or something over the counter to help it our a heating pad, but hell with that, when you have vicoden you don't need those over the counter drugs. Vicoden makes everything all better. I know take them like candy and I now take xanax, because of the guilt of taking them or if I stop taking the vicoden for a few hours I start shaking and I get all anxiety feeling and I take a xanax. I have a 6 year old little girl that needs me and a husband that needs me, I find that thesse drugs are takeing over my life, actually I don't feel that way I KNOW they are, I find them more important then my family, and when I started thinking about that (and just recently I felt that way,, on how these drugs are taking over my life!) I"m breaking down and I need help, I'm breaking down as I type because I need off these medications! I'm soooo scared! of the being off of them, the detox is what really scares me I haven't been without a pill for the last 2 years!  Can someone overcome this!? will I get through the withdrawels? I know I have to seek professional help, I live in a very small town and I dont' want anyone to find out, myhusband knows about it. I also think that they vicoden has casued me to have health problems, I urinate about 6 times during the night and my hair has been falling out my the clumps since I have taken them. I have vignal discharge (<---I know more then I should tell) that is unstobbable and i have to wear a pad and I really feel that its because of the pain killers. I have found a new source of getting the painkillers and that is over the internet ; (  I just want to hear from someone that has gone through any treatment and about the withdrawels, I also have a full time job, and i Hvae to get sent of to a inpatient I start feeling axiety about hw my daughetr is going to get to school and how my husband is going to be ablet o handle it without me. I want to be a mom and a wife, and i want to find myself, what do I do. sorry for any miss spellings I have cried alot of times during the letter, I'm really scrared will I ever get through this? thank you for listening.

[Patti D]

Well, I was hooked on lorcet 10/650 which I got as a script for migraines after a bad auto wreck, just about 4 yrs ago. By the time I detoxed 60 days ago I was taken 15-20 a day. I withdrew at home and was sick as a dog. I still only sleep about 2 hrs per night and I am grateful for what I get.  I joined NA and go to a meeting everyday, and just celebrated 60 days clean. I never thought I would be able to go one hour with my pills. Its an ugly withdrawal, but you can do it. After you detox, get into the na program, it really works!

[sci-fi2]

Hi!  I'm e-mailing you in response to your post about Vicoden/Hydrocodon.  Thanks for sharing.  I doubt if you made a mistake about giving out your e-mail becase only serious people would really respond to you, well, I hope so.  
I don't wish to dump on you but please bear while I give you a summary of what's going on with me, I had an ectopic pregnancy four weeks ago.  It was painful as hell.  For post-op care, I was given Vicodin.  ALthough it said that I should take 2 pills for severe pain, the pills made me so dizzy and nauseus that I only would take them at night.   I have always had a  problem sleeping, it takes me a while to sleep and the Vicodin really helped. I woke up at nights sweating, having a hard time figuring out which ones are dreams and which ones are not in the middle of the night.  But I'm building some tolerance in it and now I cannot do without Vicodin; seems like I need to take two just to sleep.  I don't take it during the days though, just only so I could sleep.  I'm almost out of Vicoden.  Actually, I should have ran out of it by now - but during a visit to my step-Dad's place two weeks ago, I had forgotten my Vicoden.  But my step-Dad had some, from a dental surgery he had so he gave me the rest of his prescription.   I think I only have about 12 or so left now.  I tried tapering off, you know, like taking 2 last week and now I'm only taking 1 1/2 and then maybe next week I'll take only 1 and then 1/2 and no more.  I hope it works.  But I don't know.  I don't think will power is going to do it.  I hate to do admit it to my husband because he's been busting his butt looking after me and my kids and I don't think it's right to dump this on him, too.  I've always thought that I HAD it in me to be an ADDICT and finally now, I think I really am one now!  Men, I think I really did it this time!  

If you need to share anything, I'm always here.  Maybe you can toss me some words of wisdom or something!  I'm doubly scared because life is going GOOD for me.  I've been accepted to a private highly selective University I had wanted to go to and was awarded grants that overexceeded my cost of living.  While Vicodin had helped me solving the problem of post-op pain, Vicodin had become a problem of its own.  Somebody scare me!

[Catherine]

I've been reading these entries and am amazed that I'm not alone. I've been taking vicodin for about 1 year. I started at about 4 a day and now I take about 8. I have stopped taking it several times because I ran out and then made the decision to stop and not ask for more (supposed chronic back pain) - but I always go back to it. I find friends who have some and tell them my back is hurting. No one knows about this. I know I can go off of them again - I'm just not sure how to get past the mental part of it and not go back to them. Any ideas? Thanks everyone for your honesty - it really helps.

[From Lori I Hope You Are Okay Susan]

I have e-mailed you my address and I hope you use it Susan.  I understand the grief of loosing a loved on to suicide and having an addicted Mom.  Please get help now before you are in a possition that you don't want to be in. God Bless

[tom]

To Lori et al: from someone who knows, don't try the telephone doctor trick. Many if not all pharmacies now use unlisted numbers for doctors offices calling in Rx's during the week. If you call in on a public line, it doesn't matter how good you sound. You'll get caught and be introduced to a brand new experience you really don't need to have. Recovering is a lot less complicated if you aren't looking at criminal prosecution.
tom

[jane garcia]

i have come to washington state, to get help, because i have family here and they seem to have more resourses. but i have alrready quit my job in texas , spent 900.00 dollars to get here and my sister took me to her terapast, he thinks its going to take 5-6 months to get me off of vicoden, soma xanax and serzone. i have a home in tx and no job and it will cost me money just to mantain my house even if i am not there. and i am divorced and dont know what my ex can do about having our daughter gone for so long. does any body have any ideas about how my situation can get better without it taking that long?

[Mike to Susan]

Susan -
Put your foot down now before the drug won't allow you to. I am sorry for your loss. I can relate in other ways to losing family members, but not a mother...and not in this manner. I'm an addict also and believe me - there is nothing in that drug that is going to HELP you do ANYTHING - including HEAL. Get psychiatric help. Your 4 children need you as you needed your mother. 2 wrongs will NOT make a right. I am sure that you have many confusing feelings right now - including your choice to use a drug that led to your mother's demise. You need to step back and get some perspective. It doesn't sound like you are going to be able to do that on your own right now. You have gone through some HEAVY stuff. Get help. It's okay to ask for help. You aren't alone. All the numbing in the world won't change the hard cold facts that surround us. It just prolongs the eventual realization that you DO have to deal with it...and having an addiction/withdrawal situation on a daily basis will NOT allow you to think of anything other than yourself. Please get some help - even a shoulder to literally cry on - and good luck.

[Susan]

My mother committed suicide one month ago after dealing with an addiction to vicodin, valium, percodan, somas, and xanax. It all started out with vicodin.  The sad thing is that I am so depressed and feel so terrible that all I want to do is stay drugged up too.  I have taken vicodin in the past occasionally, but since my mother's death have taken it a lot more.  I should know better, right?  I have lost interest in my college courses, I have not been paying that much attention to my four children or my husband and have been staying "happy" on vicodin.  I don't want to become addicted to this.  I don't even know why I am posting this.  I feel like I am at rope's end and have nowhere to turn.  Please forgive me if I have intruded on this list.  Thank you.  Susan  I don't know if this is O.K., but anyone who might have some advice for me, can you please e-mail me at ***@****?  I hope that I have not made a mistake by putting my e-mail address on here.  But then that would not be the first mistake that I have made.

[barbara to Susan]

Susan,

I am sorry to hear about your loss! Mike is right. You should stop the vicoden now while you still can. It will not help you. You need to seek psychiatric help to get you through the grieving process of losing your mother. They say time eventually heals, but it won't if drugs produce another problem to deal with. I'll email you later today and we can talk.

[Scared in Illinois]

I have been on Vicoden for almost 2 years. I have terrible headaches that the Doctor can't find the cause.  I would rather have the pain I think then deal with the vicoden.  I have tried in the past to quit taking vicoden. I tried to talk to my dr about my worries, she tells  me if I am not taking 8 a day I couldn't get addicted. I think she is wrong!!  I find myself turning to that stupid pill when I get nervous, or any physical pain! I feel that I can't talk to my family about this, I would be an outcast.  I can't continue like this either.  I have lost jobs because all I wanted to do was stay home and take my vicoden. I was taking upto 6 a day, I'm down to 1/2 vicoden es 2 times a day. The craving is so strong for more. If there is anyone out there reading this who hasn't taken vicoden before, I beg you NOT TO EVER START!!!! I figured I could control it, I was wrong!

[barbara to scared]

It sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder that is forcing you to self medicate with the vicoden. You may want to see a psychiatrist for possible treatment for the anxiety which may be the cause of your pain and headaches. Once the treatment works you may find you will no longer crave the vicoden!

[ellie]

Hi! My name is Ellie, I am 35 years old. I am a pill addict. I have 9 days clean. I will not sit here and lie.I love the feeling I got when I took pills. I first started when I was very young. I would be out all night partying snorting coke,and free basing.I would have a hard time sleeping so I would take my mothers codene 3s. I eventually started snorting and sometimes shooting methanphedimine {crank]. I never really stopped doing speed, I a knew I liked the feeling I got from pain killers alot. I eventually started taking vicodin, first 500s and eventually 750s. I also began taking codene 4s and soma. I would go to the doctor for them but could never really get enough to keep me happy. I had a couple of friends who always seemed to have an endless supply. One was a retired stuntman. I had to pay ofcourse, but I got what I wanted. I have taken them for over 6 years. I moved away from L.A. and found that It wasnt as easy to get them any more. Ive been clean from speed for about 3 months now.I am glad , but stopping the pills was the hardest thing I have ever, ever done. And the only reason I stopped was because of not being able to get them any more. But now that Im clean I am trying harder than ever to stay clean. I don't want to be a slave to drugs any more. I feel free, FINALLY, but I am also scared as hell.I don't what the future will bring. And some days
I want to get high. It's not all peachy, but Ive been on some type of narcotic for so many years of my life that I want to see what its like to be sober. I wish you and me much luck.

[barbara to last Lori]

I think I need to reboot my computer or type slower because it did it again before I finished.

The only reason I don't go In-patient is because my HMO does not pay for it and I cannot afford to pay myself. She suggested the free In-patient treatment at the mental health center where I would be mixed with all the mental patients. I really don't like that idea and I really cannot afford to take time off of work either as we are short-staffed.

She put me on Klonopin heavy dose to eliminate the seizures and DT's and also an anti-depressant to fight an anxiety disorder she says may be the reason for my self medicating with the alcohol in the first place. The cravings are still there though especially after about one week sobriety.

I may have to go In-patient one of these days, because this struggle is getting too tiresome.

[barbara to last Lori]

Wow Computer glitch in the middle of typing! I have know idea what happened there.

Oh well, back to what I was saying. You are right about the Out-patient programs not working because of the cravings. I have been fighting getting off the booze for nearly six months now. The longest I've gone is 27 days. My HMO first sent me to a regular MD who put me on Librium to fight withdrawal but he gave no explanation of withdrawal or how to take the med. Then they also sent me for counseling with a nutirtionist who took over from there. He did not believe in taking meds he belived in vitamins. I fought seizures and DT's on and off for three months until I finally blew up and yelled at him to send me to a psychitrist or addition doctor.

Now I go to an addiction psychiatrist who really is demanding I go In-patient.

[barbara to last Lori]

You are right! Out-patient care just doesn't stop the cravings long enough to stay off the booze or whatever one happens to be on. I

[barbara to last Lori]

You are right! Out-patient care just doesn't stop the cravings long enough to stay off the booze or whatever one happens to be on. I

[to Barbara]

Sorry to hear about your dog. My dog is my baby and if someone poisoned him, well, I'd be mad as hell. My cat died a few weeks ago and I used it as a good reason to dope up on ativan. Years ago I drank heavily. Funny thing I was able to stop that with no help or so I thought at the time. Now I realize I stopped the booze and started the vicadin-one addiction for another. I'm amazed at how many people there are out there with my same problem. This forum is a God send, at least I know I'm not alone. Now if I can just get the courage to get help and find the inner peace that Brian has found.

[Lori to Lori]

My insurance co. payed for the entire program. The insurance co. is through my husbands employer and they have never found out. It is against the law for them to tell your employer. If you were to do out patient detox they would give you medicine to help you through the withdrawls. Out patient detox did not help me. I couldnt get past the cravings. They gave me clonidine to help with the cravings and cerix which is a tranqulizer and benadryl to help me sleep. I was not strong enough to do it out patient. But you may be. I went everyday from 7300 am to 300pm. We were educated on the addiction. Films lectures ect. When I went through the in patient detox they gave me the same meds. We had meetings all day. When I was transfered to the in patient rehab it was more meetings to help with the mental aspect. I learned a great deal off coping skills and relapse prevention. The after care program that I am in now is three days a week for 5 weeks. 3 hours a day. Learning the steps of aa and the importance of the program. I am 19 days cleean today and I am still fighting this. Everyday is a battle but today is better then yesterday. I am doing this one day at a time. I will not lie to you it ia NOT easy. But I know that today I did not use and my head is clear. That I have to be thankful for. Get help as soon as possible. It is only gonna get worse if you dont. Please trust me on this one.

[barbara to Brian]

You are correct. There is always some excuse to use. There is also much more temptation when one is still under withdrawal. How long have you been clean? It's easy to say when you are well past the withdrawal and craving stages of your disease!

[Brian to Barbara]

Not to sound holier than thou but there is ALWAYS a reason people give themselves to use.  Had a terrible day...use.  Had a great day...use to celebrate.  Bored...use.  Tired...use.  Too restless...use.  Etc. etc.  I know it is a horrible thing to have a pet poisoned.  It's also horrible when people have their spouse die, get divorced and on and on.  It is only when one is able to truly realize that there is NEVER a good reason to use that you will truly find serenity and recovery.

[barbara to ?]

Your insurance company cannot tell your boss or work place about your medical problems. Don't use that as an excuse not to get help to get off the stuff.

You need to get up the courage to go to a doctor and seek help. A psychiatrist or addiction specialist is the best choices if your insurance allows it. I don't know much about pain killer addiction. I took them heavy over 25 years ago for only about four months and just stopped on my own with only minor withdrawal.

My problem is getting off the booze. I was six days sober until last night when my neighbor came out and admitted accidently poisoning my dog with their rat poison for their rat problem they have. I suspected it when it happened last week and thought about revenge at the time but got over it the next day because I had no proof. The semi-admition of guilt without a real apology sent me over the edge last night. It was either get drunk or commit homicide.

I chose to drink rather than to kill, even after sitting at my A.A. meeting! I can always start my sobriety again today without sitting in the slammer!

[to Lori]

Wow! Sounds like you've been to hell and back. Thank you for sharing your story. I've been reading these posts for quite a while. I too have an addiction to...well...anything like vicadin or lortab. I've gone without for about a week at a time..only because I ran out and could not get anymore. I've been through the withdrawals so often they've almost become a part of my life. I had toyed with the idea of calling my own rx in but thanks to you sharing your story I now know not to try that! Can you tell me more about the out patient program...most important cost. I have insurance but hesitate to use it cause I really don't want my employer to know about my addiction. And also how does an out patient teach you to deal with the mental part of this nightmare? Like the cravings? Do they ever go away? If you don't mind sharing these details I would like to know more. I wish there was a way we could communicate on a more personal level but I'm  leary of posting my email address. If you can answer some of these questions I'd be grateful! I too have "no where to turn" other than this forum so any encouragement, advise or whatever you can share will be appreciated! Also if there is someone out there that has been clean for over a year or so and can tell me if the cravings ever go away, please do!
Lori...hang in there.