Aa
not sure...
Hello,
I am skeptic about what i should be doing, let alone posting on a forum. I find myself fairly intelligent, understanding of others and very self aware. Which brings me to my problem i guess. I hide EVERYTHING from my friends and family, i know why i hide it from my family but not my friends. All my life i have been strong and my friends have come to me for advice. Yet no one has ever asked me what is wrong whenever it was noticable when i was down. My best friend and I have started talking about this and i was talking to him for a while and now that hes starting to understand its like im making excuses to not tell him anything. I have this idea that showing people theres something wrong with me that they will look at me different. I have not cried in over 10 years. Which wouldnt be a big deal except in the midst of talking this all over with my friend he brought to my attention that i am the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. I am constantly easil aggrivated, extremely closed off, it takes alot less to get me to fly off the handle than it does to make me laugh. Every now and again I close myself off from everyone cause i start getting "in a mood" as i call it and just shut everyone off and leave whatever situation im in rather than have them deal with it. I have though about help and speaking to a therapist or physchologist. But i feel like i already know what they are going to say nor do i like the idea potentialy becoming dependant on a therapist to keep myself in line... addiationaly i have delt with this so long by myself that i can easily see myself just completely disagreeing with wahtever there thoughts are just because they dont know me as well as i think they know me or as well as i know me. SO i know this is extremely long but i really just dont know what to do.
I am skeptic about what i should be doing, let alone posting on a forum. I find myself fairly intelligent, understanding of others and very self aware. Which brings me to my problem i guess. I hide EVERYTHING from my friends and family, i know why i hide it from my family but not my friends. All my life i have been strong and my friends have come to me for advice. Yet no one has ever asked me what is wrong whenever it was noticable when i was down. My best friend and I have started talking about this and i was talking to him for a while and now that hes starting to understand its like im making excuses to not tell him anything. I have this idea that showing people theres something wrong with me that they will look at me different. I have not cried in over 10 years. Which wouldnt be a big deal except in the midst of talking this all over with my friend he brought to my attention that i am the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. I am constantly easil aggrivated, extremely closed off, it takes alot less to get me to fly off the handle than it does to make me laugh. Every now and again I close myself off from everyone cause i start getting "in a mood" as i call it and just shut everyone off and leave whatever situation im in rather than have them deal with it. I have though about help and speaking to a therapist or physchologist. But i feel like i already know what they are going to say nor do i like the idea potentialy becoming dependant on a therapist to keep myself in line... addiationaly i have delt with this so long by myself that i can easily see myself just completely disagreeing with wahtever there thoughts are just because they dont know me as well as i think they know me or as well as i know me. SO i know this is extremely long but i really just dont know what to do.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
The thing you fear with everyone is the thing you fear with a therapist, if you open up to someone that you will be dependent on them, and you want to avoid that for some reason -- just a guess, but I think that part of it may have to do with an assumption you may have that "depending on others is a sign of weakness." I also think that it may be safer to think that you "already know what they're going to say or do" and therefore you don't "need" them rather than acknowledge your fear that you might be helped and then come to depend on them. You are in quite a bind, one that I think can be resolved if you are willing to take the risk and talk to a professional, see that you can depend on someone as you're talking about your reluctance to depend on anyone which will likely allow you to feel more comfortable depending on others in your life and feel less isolated.
i have been experiencing the same things too.i do not think that therapists will help.i went to therapists but that only made it worse. good luck.
hi i dont normaly post comments to these sites but i do look at them for advice and noticed yours because i think i know how you feel as i have gone throuh a simmilar experience when i was younger o did i spell that right anyway if you dont mind me asking and its probably personal why do you keep your feeling from your family i know for a fact there is no perfect family but and i hope threre is no major issues there but they are the the soft palce when we fall so dont be too proud let people in thay love you.
Hi,
I used to pop in and answer lots of question here, and had a break (sorry Jason, can't sleep so feel like making use of my time!)
Mike just some suggestions. Firstly maybe you aren't so closed off as you think. You are aware there is something wrong rather than just accepting things. Have you ever been or are you in any sort of relationship?
In some ways I am a little similar to you, though female. Often this is more common in men, as the old stereotype of not showing emotion can get in the way of being human. But also being hurt very badly or very many times can lead you to shut off emotionally, so that you can't be hurt again. The result is more hurt from loneliness, and, not knowing your age, increased susceptibility to illness, what can't come out goes in, and often into the body. High blood pressure, heart problems, evern cancer...Stress is not good for us physically, you know that.
People can be hard to open to if you have learned not to trust and shut off. Animals can sometimes be a 'stepping stone'. Do you have any pets? The unconditional and simple love of say a dog can open up another side to you. And you can't hide your mood from animals, they know it as soon as you are there.
How about a drama group? What you can't be in your real life you can pretend to be in a character, and you have to access the right emotions to play characters. You may find it hard to laugh, but if you are in a part where the character is a clown you need to find the emotion. You are still pretending, but it starts to bring to the surface feelings you keep buried, gently. I've just joined a drama group. It is a proper serious actors group, not therapy or anything, I feel like the novice in a room of potential stars (half my age too:( ). But when I act I am all the things I can't be in life. I find myself more relaxed after a class, maybe give it some thought.
If you want to be in control of a relationship therapy will be too big a step right now perhaps. I can't tolerate therapy, tried it now and again. I am trained as a Psychologist and I can counsel others but not accept it myself. I see the techniques they are using, second guess their strategy, assuming they have one, look down on their efforts to understand. Therapy is not for everyone. I no longer work in the profession in case you're wondering. Work with physical illness now, again stepping away from the relationship side. It's hard when a habit becomes ingrained.
The key is to accept that real life is filled with people who can be nasty, stupid, ignorant, inconsiderate and intensely irritating, including you and me! We none of us are perfect all the time. But alongside that is the good side of letting other people in, the support, love, emotional connection, and we are all stuck in this life together, none of us have the answers, and none of us can cut off. The world will just come and find us anyway. Those who love you and are close to you may even know when your are hiding things. We give away information more than we think.
Even the archetypal hermit in the woods has to contact other people now and again.
Start with small steps. You will never be a gushing heart on sleeve type, but you can start to move a little way from the other extreme. For some reason I'm assuming you're still young, if so time is on your side. And it will take time. You may never know what started this or already know, it doesn't matter at this point. It's the future you need to look at.
Hope this helps.
I used to pop in and answer lots of question here, and had a break (sorry Jason, can't sleep so feel like making use of my time!)
Mike just some suggestions. Firstly maybe you aren't so closed off as you think. You are aware there is something wrong rather than just accepting things. Have you ever been or are you in any sort of relationship?
In some ways I am a little similar to you, though female. Often this is more common in men, as the old stereotype of not showing emotion can get in the way of being human. But also being hurt very badly or very many times can lead you to shut off emotionally, so that you can't be hurt again. The result is more hurt from loneliness, and, not knowing your age, increased susceptibility to illness, what can't come out goes in, and often into the body. High blood pressure, heart problems, evern cancer...Stress is not good for us physically, you know that.
People can be hard to open to if you have learned not to trust and shut off. Animals can sometimes be a 'stepping stone'. Do you have any pets? The unconditional and simple love of say a dog can open up another side to you. And you can't hide your mood from animals, they know it as soon as you are there.
How about a drama group? What you can't be in your real life you can pretend to be in a character, and you have to access the right emotions to play characters. You may find it hard to laugh, but if you are in a part where the character is a clown you need to find the emotion. You are still pretending, but it starts to bring to the surface feelings you keep buried, gently. I've just joined a drama group. It is a proper serious actors group, not therapy or anything, I feel like the novice in a room of potential stars (half my age too:( ). But when I act I am all the things I can't be in life. I find myself more relaxed after a class, maybe give it some thought.
If you want to be in control of a relationship therapy will be too big a step right now perhaps. I can't tolerate therapy, tried it now and again. I am trained as a Psychologist and I can counsel others but not accept it myself. I see the techniques they are using, second guess their strategy, assuming they have one, look down on their efforts to understand. Therapy is not for everyone. I no longer work in the profession in case you're wondering. Work with physical illness now, again stepping away from the relationship side. It's hard when a habit becomes ingrained.
The key is to accept that real life is filled with people who can be nasty, stupid, ignorant, inconsiderate and intensely irritating, including you and me! We none of us are perfect all the time. But alongside that is the good side of letting other people in, the support, love, emotional connection, and we are all stuck in this life together, none of us have the answers, and none of us can cut off. The world will just come and find us anyway. Those who love you and are close to you may even know when your are hiding things. We give away information more than we think.
Even the archetypal hermit in the woods has to contact other people now and again.
Start with small steps. You will never be a gushing heart on sleeve type, but you can start to move a little way from the other extreme. For some reason I'm assuming you're still young, if so time is on your side. And it will take time. You may never know what started this or already know, it doesn't matter at this point. It's the future you need to look at.
Hope this helps.
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