I have a near 21 year old son and a near 20 year old daughter who have blamed me for being so mean to them while growing up. Son has mostly moved out but daughter has not and I would rather both just stayed and went to college. Dad is a "great guy and husband" but we differ GREATLY on raising children and I have been the disciplinarian, being with them the most and still spending time I did not want to even when I was tired and worn out but stayed consistant to rules. I have to put a fire under Dad's butt to push issues and both children know if I would not say anything, he would just look the other way. I have been trying SO hard to talk with them and be a friend so they know I am there for them if they need, but not be their friend and let them know I am the parent. All's well until something comes up and they are "told off" for bad behavior (ie: they don't want to do chores etc) or not doing what is asked of them. It always ends the same, we all argue and my spouse shuts me out, but just does not like any conflict. I love him and pretty sure I don't want a divorce especially as now the kids are grown (we did everything with them in school etc, did not go out without them but about 10-20 times all their lives), I like that I have a life to do things I want (horses) but I know I will lose them if I divorce. Need place to read on this topic!