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Avatar universal

Depression/Alcoholism/Dissaccociation.

What can I do to get out of this continual decline in my mental health?
I am 55 years old, male and divorced 15 years ago. I drink too much and smoke too much also.
I have been able to stop both drinking and smoking for between a month and three years  with smoking and a month to seven months with the drinking. Both of these periods of abstinance have occurred many times over. The only withdrawal symptoms that I have had are two or three poor nights sleep from stopping drinking and the loss of a habit with regards to the smoking. After the first few days there really has not been any problem other than I have extra time on my hands and if I am not carefull, I start to try to do too much. I get a bit manic. Nothing over the top, but I do get irritated with other people that are either so laid back or self opionated. This causes me to become very withdrawn. I have only been out of my house once in the past two years to do anything apart from take my dogs for a walk on the beach and to go to the supermarket to buy food for the dogs and alcohol for me. I have no appetite and no interest in anything. If I did not have the dogs to look after I would have died a long time ago. I have been to several doctors and taken so many different pills that I don't remember what they were. I have been poisioned by those medications three times now. I crashed my car due to being tranquilisezed 24 hours a day. I was vomitting from the smell from cooking the dogs supper ( chicken and rice with vegetables). I had dihorea for six weeks, and could not get more than 2 or 3 hours sleep at a time. I could not stay awake during the day for more than 2 or 3 hours. I felt as if my eyes were being held wide open all the time and my head was spinning. I had such poor balance that I could not stand on one leg. I fell into the sea when fishing and fell of my bicycle numerous times. My head was covered in bumps where I had got up from my bed and collapsed on the floor.
All of these symptoms were caused by medication prescribed to reduce problems of depression and anxiety together with Alcohol abuse and sleeping problems.
The side effects have put my life in more jepordy than the depression and alcohol consumption. I very nearly killed my self twice in severe near misses whilst driving my car. The doctor mentioned afterwards that I should take care driving. I fell into the sea whilst fishing due to loosing my balance and fell off my bicycle 8 times before I gave up trying to ride it. I was arrested by the police and assaulted by them the last time that I rode it. I was punched in the eye by one police officer (I wear glasses) the other grabbed me from behind and smashed my head against the roof of the police car three times before hand cuffing me and throwing me into the back of the police car. He then hit me at least ten times in the face because I called him and the driver "Fatso and Skinney" They took me to a hospital to get the blood cleaned up from me face and as I was thrown onto the floor and refused treatment. still handcuffed, Fatso dislocated my leg by putting one of his feet by my ankle and the other by my knee joint and twisted it sideways. Four months later I still cannot walk properly. I also cannot feel any sensation on my right hand thumb and index finger due to the pressure from the hand cuffs on my wrists.
The sum total of my experiences has been so bad that I am frightened to leave my house unless it is for the most desperate reasons or that I feel sure that I will not meet anyone.
I have been to a clinic for five weeks to try to resolve some of these problems but the treatment and workshops seemed to me to be oriented to cocaine addiction in young men and little other advice.
I need to find out what I can do to help myself to get through the final days of my life. I cannot work again. I have two dogs that need to be looked after for a good few years and two duaghters that I love dearly but only see once or twice a year. One lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and the other in Barcelona, Spain.
What is alcoholism? what are the withdrawal symptoms? is it treatable?What is the treatment?
What is depression? Is it treatable?What is the tereatment?
I know what dissaccociation is. What do I do to get out of this condition? How can I help myself to get some help to help myself?
8 Responses
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
well i think u know ur alcoholic!were u having problems with depression b4 u EVER picked up ur first drink?alcohol is central nervous system depressant so it does cause MORE depression when consumed in large amounts.there are anti-depressants and anti-anxiety agents that work well....u cannot mix alcohol with them.there are some that don't work well with alcoholics.its a try and see thing.In the USA here is a good pill called Campral,it cuts the craving for alcohol.Stopping smoking and drinking at the same time is too much,the alcohol should go first then the cigarettes when ur mentally ready.U HAVE been able to have some  periods of sobriety....when u quit drinking b4 did u go thru any withdrawal the first 72 hours?that is usually the worst.....u sound malnourished from the drinking and that will cause ur symptoms on top of drinking....there has to be a clinic there geared for alcoholism and a guy ur age.....has 2 b!
Avatar universal
all of the medicine in the world will not help you unless you really want help there are pills that might help the craving i may be wrong but it sounds like you have to much time on your hands do you work if not keep your self busy with things try AA oor whatever groups are there if you dont need to work others need help donate time to people who need it . also all of the detox places can only do so much the rest is up to you, i know you are going through a hard time and you will think i am full boloney and i use the worl loosley but watch this forumn and i think you will understand a lot of things and maybe benifit by the problems others have or had also sounds like you are down on life in genral, you need something to take the place of alcohol and wake up and start a new day soon maybe you will have something to look forward to do you have friends that do not drink. remember there are lots of good things out there plese let us know how things go       lots luck     jo  


Avatar universal
Hi, Thanks for your reply and support. That is very kind of you.
I will try to keep this brief, but I do tend to ramble on.
I went through a really bad time,quite a long time ago, that resulted in me having a "mental breakdown". That is the only way that I can describe it. The doctors that I tried to see, did not understand the level of stress that caused me to begin shaking uncontrolably when I tried to explain the problems that I was having. I was getting up at 5 am and taking phone calls for morning reports before going to the clients office at 7:30 for a daily meeting that lasted until 9:30 and then going to my office for another briefing at 10:30 followed by the usual paperwork and management of a multimillion £ project. I was constantly interrupted during the day by urgent phone calls and other disruptions. Frequently, the first oportunity that I had to take a break was for a cup of tea at about three in the afternoon and did not get home until after 8 pm.
I found myself standing in front of an open cupboard door at about 10pm one night and did not know why I was standing there. I don't know how long I had been there and did not know what to do.
I had obviously gone there to get something to cook for supper and then, just shut down.
It took me years to recover from that breakdown and I could not find any medical advice to help me. One reason was that I was so unwell that I could not help myself to get help.
Since then I have gone through a cycle of recovery and relapse. I have tried so many different doctors and treatments including 5 weeks in a clinic, that have only made things worse, by being tranquilised 24 hrs a day, drugged up to the eyeballs. I don't even want to describe some of the other events that have occured and reduced me to the current position where I sleep as much as possible. I never go out socially and try to go out shopping for food for the dogs and myself during the siesta. I am not looking after my dogs properly and certainly not looking after myself.
All of this behaviour seems to me to be independant to the alcohol consumption, medication, attempts to take excercise or outside interests. I just end up drinking in moderation (more than advised by the doctors) and waiting until the day that has come eventually, many times before, when I can actually get up out of bed and do something. This active period does not last very long before having a relapse. The longest has been 7 months before a major relapse last year resulting in my loosing my job. ( I did not drink one drop of alcohol during this time and took prescribed medication throughout the period. The medication had been started some months before this time.

It is time for me to stop this email or else I will end up bothering you.
Sorry for it being so long.
I just wish I could take your advice, like a tablet, and WAKE UP, that is exactly what I want to do and cannot.
regards.
William x
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
are u drinking or under influence when u post here?u have Campral over there?
Avatar universal
Never think that you are bothering anybody on this forum when you are looking for help!!
You will find lots of good guidence and support on here.Very caring people on here who
have been through same situations.Keep on posting!!   dixie
Avatar universal
You see this is the best part about the medhelp site....there are many, many caring people who would love to help you. Please don't ever think that you are being a pest!! Besides, the more info we get the more we can maybe help. God Bless you.
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