Dads and mom are sick

[LammyCat]

My mom and dad are both in their 50's.  They've been alcoholics since I can remember.  My dad and mom had some issues about 5 years back, I'm not sure exactly what started it but my mom drank for way to long, started menopause and gained a fair amount of weight, she became depressed naturally.  My dad told her how he felt and that he was disgusted and then later cheated on her.  My mom continued to do nothing about it but got more depressed and eventually went on a binge.  Later after 3 days in detox, we thought things were okay.   My mom decided to keep my dad around after all was said and done.  Years have gone by and things were starting to fix themselves.  However last March my mom went on another binge, again not exactly sure why other than shes very unhappy still, this time giving herself DTs - Delirium Tremons - in which she has no real recollection as to what happened for almost an entire week, other then halucinations which she remembers as being fun.  She doesnt remember me being there this whole time, she doesn't remember that she called the cops when she thought people were in the backyard at 2am, she doesnt remember watching worms crawl on the wall, and she doesn't remember being administered to the hospital.  She does remember checking out though, this time with a pacemaker as a result of all the stress and alcohol.  We've all moved on from the events since March and Im regretful to say that my mother is going right back into it again.  Shes been drinking for several days straight now, its hard to tell exactly how much because she lies to us all day long, hides the alcohol she drinking, she says she tired and that she just needs rest because menopause keeps her up ay night, but we know when we talk to her that she been drinking.  Both my parents are major alcoholics, my dad functions alot better day to day, but the need for him to party is insane.  They own a business and don't have to work anymore, they have so much time on their hands.  I dont know what to do, they are so miserable but yet they wont divorce and my brothers and I are starting to think that my dad is waiting for (or aiding in killing) my mom to die so that he can move on with his life rather than deal with the divorce and all the ****.  Its sick I know, my dad also thinks that doctors are bull**** and so administering her again is almost impossible with him around, he wont allow it.  If we get rid of the alcohol, my dad, my mom, or their friends will just bring more around and we are lost with no answer on how to solve it.  Someone please help with any good advice...my parents are actually really good people.

[working dog]

24 and so much more...good for you...it's neat to see folks your age trying to help someone...first i have to wonder if either of your brothers drink?...if they do even a little i think maybe it's not such a  good  place for your mom to go for now...i wish walter would post ..he might have some insight on this..some that you could print and read to your mom...or just go back and read old posts ..his mother quit drinking but it was too late...she died i think about a year later...and you mentioned that you talked TO your mom...i'm sure you know this but i would talk with her as a friend..and let her know your her friend.. do you know what the withdrawls could be like??she could die durring withdrawl.......like urber said...you should get outside help...don't try to take this on by yourselves(your brothers and you) and good luck ....billy

[LammyCat]

Thank you for the info and the support, I appreciate knowing that there are people out there who can understand what I am dealing with, and I agree, cancer would be easier I think.  I would just like to report that today my mother is sober, and one of my brothers showed up to visit as I was on the phone with her so thats good and she and I talked of her leaving my dad and going out of state to stay with other family for a while.  I just pray she gets the courage to follow through.  She wants help at least.  Im afriad my dad does not though, but if he changes his mind, we will all be there to support him.  We're hopeful if she can make the step to leave him that she may have a chance and might inflict some change in my father.  Thanks again for your advice.

[ibizan]

Thank u dear..i knew i could count on u to input some excellent advice here.U always take the time to really spell it out and u do it so well/eloquently.LammyCat this lady KNOWS what she is talking about!Please heed her advice!

[uberadtx]

You are lucky that ibizan posted.  Its like getting free counseling!  But she is right!  Your parents are very sick with the disease of Alcoholism.  Your mother is NOT having issues with Menopause!  Her cardiac problems are more likely a result of the alcoholism and aging.  Your father's apathy is a direct result from the alcoholism also.  And I tell you that ALL alcoholics are VERY good people, they are smart, articulate and loving.  Its their disease and addiction that makes them feel like failures to everyone else.  That being said, you need to take action with yourself. Today!
Your mother's binging will not stop nor will your father's drinking.  They are not doing it to themselves, alcoholism is doing it to them. They can't control it no matter how much they want to. Alcoholism wants them dead and if they keep the pace, they will die.  They will be very lucky if they get arrested or wind up in the ER, it could save their lives.
But THEIR alcoholism doesn't have to kill YOU! You need to make some phone calls today.  I urge you to get on board with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) AND Al-Anon.(They have websites also)  You need tons of support right now.  The only way to help them is to help yourself first.  It seems backwards but this disease is cunning and clever.  It will lie to you, it will deceive you and it will make you think everything is fine.  You need to educate yourself about what is happening with your parents, its the only way you will be able to battle it.  Traditionally, when someone we love is ill we go to the doctor and rely on them to educate us about the illness and the prognosis.  Although that option is out there, alcoholism affects more than just the physical body.  Its a disease of the mind and spirit also. Its much more complicated to fight this disease and you will be wishing they had just cancer because it would be sooo much simpler.  That's OK!  You need to make some changes in YOUR life.  You will need to make decisions also.  Rally support from whoever you can but don't depend on it.  You need some major outside help that only ACOA and Al-Anon can provide.  They will guide you and support you.  Keep me posted.

[ibizan]

my heart goes out 2 u dear for my day job for past 23 years is substance abuse counselor and i watch this go on daily.....been sober quite a spell myself!these parents of urs r very sick...ate up with the disease of alcoholism and u cannot save them.U can go 2 al-anon or find support for urself thru counseling but there is no genie in a bottle for ur folks!hopefully uber,workingdog and walternowotny will jump in here for they have very good things to say!

[girlygirl87]

hi there, i guess i have really no advice for you (hopefully someone else will), i just wanted to tell you that i'm sorry to hear things are going so sucky for you and your family :( alcohol really is so ugly.