Why?

[sally541]

I am confused and heart broken. I've been with my husband for 5 years. He has been to detox atleast twice a year every year, sometimes more. He's been to several 30 day rehab facilities also. He is currently in the hospital for detox again. I dropped him off yesterday. I told him that I did not want him to come back unless he goes to a long term (8 to 12 month) program. I have 2 questions. Is there any type of program for those on a fixed budget. I have seen there many out there that costs thousands of dollars, but the most important question I have is why do I continue to love this man. He is so wonderful when he is sober but when he drinks he is horrible. He hasn't kept a job in the last 4 years. My friends and family think I should leave him and can't understand why I stay. Why do I stay?  I think my friends an family are tired of hearing about the relapses. I feel so torn. What should I do?

[rpooo]

Sally how long did you know this man before you married him? Was he an alcoholic then? Has his behavior changed alot since you have gotten married? I hate to see any marriage come to an end and also giving your word to God means alot to me. People have problems and people change (for better or worse) if the love is still really there then you can make it through anything together. I wish I had the perfect answer for you. I want everyone to have the perfect happy life but sometimes it's going through the tough things together that makes love grow. There's truth to the saying what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Dominal Sarah sure has this one right.

There's really not enough imformation in your post for anyone to judge him or you. Through my own experience of being a drunk everyday my wife stuck by my side. I was the kind of guy that always had a beer but if you didn't know me you would never know I was half plowed talking to you. My wife would grow tired of it and complain one day I got mine though and I had to stop drink due to cirrhosis. I do just fine living with it but I can tell you that there is no other person in the world that I love more than her. Nothing I wouldn't do for her. We both feel this way or she better ha ha but this is the kind of love we have now and there's nothing that will ever change it.

Your very smart in listening to all sides before making such a difficult decision and I really wish you the best in doing so.

Randy

[Jaybay]

Most rehab facilities have groups for family members that are based on the Al-Anon program.  Take advantage of that if it's offered through your husband's program.  It really makes a difference to talk to other people who really understand alcoholism and other substance abuse.  That's why talking to friends and family isn't always such a great idea - they simply don't understand it.  So yeah, they do get tired of hearing the same old story and doling out the same old advice with the same old result.

You've had 5 long years of putting all your energy into your husband's addiction.  Isn't it time to start taking care of yourself and reaching for what you really want from life?  Maybe that means leaving him and maybe it doesn't.  You can learn to turn your attention to other things and let your husband's chips fall where they may.  You both have your own roads to walk.  You don't have to walk down his.  

[dominosarah]

We cant answer the question for you if you should stay or go.  All we can tell you is to get help for yourself.  Your husband is your addiction....You have lived in his addiction for so long you have forgetten about who you are.  Alanon is free and would be very helpful.  Recovery care is very important for the whole family.  Keep posting........sara