Heartbroken and concerned about my mother

[danilee38]

My mother who is 76 is in the end stage of alzheimers. She resides with my father who is her sole caregiver. My sister and I live 4 hours away in another state. My father has been telling us she is doing well and when we speak to her on the phone daily she seemed very confused but pretty good considering. My sister went home to visit two weeks ago and found that everything was not ok. Mom had not bathed nor taken her medicine for several days. She was refusing to do so. The house was covered in dust however no dirty dishes or clothes. My sister had my dad set an appt with a neuro (mom had been being treated by internist) who said she was in the end stage of the disease. I then rushed home and my sister left. My mom was in tears on the bed because my sister had cleaned the house. She was angry and crying and had not eaten. I calmed her down and fed her and she then collapsed, staring straight ahead, not blinking and drooling. She did not respond for about 5 minutes while we waited on the ambulance. At the hospital she had mri, cat scan, eeg, pet scan, xray, carotid artery scan, blood tests ect. The neuro said she had a seizure ( possible mini strokes) and to take keppra. She is on aricept. She was decent when I left her and a home health care nurse had come by to provide some assistance. My mom was upset and did not want them in the house. I calmed her or so I thought.  I left and returned home thinking all was calm when my sister called and said that dad had cancelled the nurse and could not get mom to go to her follow up appt with the neuro from being in the hopital for 24 hours. I am scared and do not know what to do.My father has always adored my mother and taken wonderful care of her. They have been married for 56 years and I do not know what is going on with him. If someone has been through this any insights or ideas on what I can do to help them would be appreciated. Again, I am heartbroken over my mother and very angry at my father. Please help.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

still not sure about end stages with her , as my mom does not walk anymore .does not feed herself. does not go to potty unless in diapers and most the time does not talk any since so seems like my mom worse than yours and they tell us shes not close to death?

hang in there girl it is not easy as we take our moms from being a mom to being our child to being not with us. my heart breaks everyday.

my mom sleeps a lot but when shes awake she babbles instead of talks, now and than she will talk ok but not many words.

[danilee38]

I really thank you both for your comments. I have been so very sad and just hearing from the two replies I have received has helped tremendously. I was just scared that she was not getting the help she needed and to hear you all say it is fine what my father has chosen to do or not do is ok has helped me alot. Her internist and neuro both said she is in end stage as well as the doctor in the emergency room. She still goes to the restroom on her own and can walk and is lucid alot of the time. She has forgotten my name but knows that I am her daughter and she does not know what day it is, ect. Again thank you for your posts and caring enough to answer when you are experiencing this horrible disease yourself.    

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

hi, so sad your going throught this as we are to. can i ask how do you know shes in the end stages? has dr said this ?

its hard when dad is still in control as am going throught that to, my mom and dad lives with me so makes it easy for me to help them out so , am in a little different thing your in. but if your dad is taking care of her all you can do is try and help him out. my dad has also refused help from outside but as time has gone by he sees he needs it now and we are calling in help.

you need to try and understand thats his wife and he wants to do for her as he always has, he has the last say over her so plz try and work with him. dont sstress it to much when the time comes he will see he needs more help than he can give and get someone to help him out.

as far as mom geting up-set that people are cleaning , try and talk to her and let her know ya are just doing it today because shes under the weather but when shes better she will have to do it. i make my mom think shes got to do things as she gets better and shes ok with whatever we do than. always here to talk , GOD Bless you and your family

[PedroH]

Hi there! So sorry that you and your family are dealing with this.I'm sure there will be people more able to help you on this forum but I just felt I needed to respond as well. This is the most devastating disease I have come across.My father in law died with it & now my grandmother has it.Anyway,please don't be angry with your father.In saying that, I know your anger-been there done that. Your dad just thinks he's protecting her. is there a way you could get him to go to a support group? That may help him to see this disease from a different angle. Another question I have is that the Dr.said your mother was at the end stage of alzhemers? I'm not a Dr. nor do I know your mother but she doesn't sound anything like the end stages. How long has she been on aricept. I have just found that most Drs don't know alot about this disease & just throw terms around. I wish I could be of more help to you.If you just need a sounding board I'll listen & help where I can. Takecare!