Hi! I don't know that I'll be much help. My daughter is 13 with AS. I try to imagine her as a dating adult, but I really can't. This year, a boy in school expressed feelings for her and she was terrified. She asked us what she should say in order to not hurt his feelings. I was so happy that she didn't just say something rude, because she can be very rude. Your boyfriend may very well be an Aspie but if he doesn't get tested or become aware of his behavior, he's probably not going to change.
I hope you're still working things out with your boyfriend, but as you might realize by now, chances are his 'disappearance' will recur. It's called shutdown/withdrawal and it's a common part of how Aspies deal with everyday stress. It's best to accept this cycle as part of who he is, and try to not feel hurt by it.
This blog has some suggestions to explanations: http:/*******************.blogspot.com/2009/10/why-do-aspies-suddenly-back-off-in.html
But again, I would suggest you learn to accept it. When he comes back out of withdrawal, don't try to reprimand him for it or show resentment - that might set up a negative pattern and convince him that he should avoid you. Don't push him to talk about it. You can make the suggestion once, but don't ever push.
My boyfriend is suspected AS and I've gone through years of trying to 'fix' him, not realizing that it's not something to be fixed. I hope you don't make the same mistake. :)
It all sounds very sexy, the devotion, the quirkyness, but you will have a sh*t life with this guy.
Been there worn the Tshirt. Dont look back look forward. Find someone you can have a deep emotional connection with who wont insult your friends and family and go off into his cave at the drop of a disagreement.
Get away , you are young, dont screw up your life like this.
Look at your childhood, why are you attracted to someone like this ? Sort it out get therapy.
I wish you the best !
Can you imagine what kind of a father he would be, Jesus ?? It doesnt bear thinking about.
Sorry i have been badly burnt, i was young 25 years ago, he was charming an i had nothing, no stability, but what an awful life i had with him going missing, usually when i needed him most. Ok for me, but when he started to do it to the kids, they would not take it !!
They argued with him, challenged him, it was hell , complete hell.
Thank you all for your responses. I have actually moved on. I just can not take the roller coaster ride that this relationship became. In the beginning he seemed very strong and very devoted. I think this was the man he wanted to be, but unfortunately he is not that man. I am just not the type of person that could make all of the sacrifices involved in being with him. I care about him, I was willing to compromise on many issues. Even if he withdrew/shutdown from everyone that would have been more acceptable then just doing it to me. I have actually noticed that many Aspies do that. They don't all just shut out the world, they just shut out the people who are "stressing" them. When a person's last words to you are "bye sweetie enjoy your day, I'll talk to you later." and they don't contact you, that is just not acceptable.
He will be 41 in a couple of weeks, I really think he will be continually searching for a relationship, but probably never find one. That makes me sad for him, but not sad enough to try to "help" him. I have moved on, it has been hard. I have someone new in my life. He calls me, he texts me, sends me emails and spends time wtih me. I forgot what its like to not have to work so hard and I am enjoying this new experience.
I would never say that AS/NT relationships are not possible. But I do not believe that type of a relationship is possible for me.
I wish everyone the best with whatever their choices are in life and would be friends with someone with AS, but that is it.
I am pleased that you are happy now. I wish you the best in your future !
I know this post is old... BUT your gonna let ONE guy with aspergers define how the rest of us with aspergers would act around a potental partner.. Very sad :( l for one have just been DX'ed with aspergers at 19 and would never treat my GF like the way this guy has treated you.. I would try to compramise with you as much as possible to try make it work, but for you to tell other ppl not to date ANYONE with aspergers is just god awful!!! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALLY DEFFRENT JUST LIKE "NORMAL PEOPLE."
Well, I could give less of a rats a** if she does/dosn't want to date someone with aspergers. It's just that she'll probably date some lowlife scum.. While us smart guys with aspergers go on to collage, to make big $$$ one day.. Thats all
Your comments made me howl laughing. I have just ended a four year relationship with a man I had only discovered had Aspergers a year ago. He was a total nightmare to say the least. Mean as dirt. I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer last April, and he has been in his cave in Spain for the last 3 months. I hope he stays there and starves to death.Im in therapy now to find out why I put up with him for so long.
I enjoyed that.
Is this group still open?
I would like an update of what happened. I feel like I met a carbon copy of this person.