Hi..this is my first post here. I apologize in advance for the length of this post. There are just so many details to my story. I met a man online almost a year ago. I was surprised when I got his email (it wasn't a dating site) but I liked how direct and to the point he was. He told me his name, age, occupation, where he lived and asked if I would like to get to know him. He lives about 500 miles from me. We sent a couple emails back and forth. I am a runner, so is he. I assumed that was why he emailed me. When I asked him he said, “No its because you are pretty.”
After a couple emails he asked if we could chat on yahoo. I said yes, but I am never on yahoo so I didn’t think we would just see each other on there. After a few days he gave me his cell number and asked me to text him when I was online. I was surprised, but I did.
Things were going very well. I really liked him, he was very different. Eventually he asked if I would come and see him. I said yes, he then planned in great detail exactly what we would do. We had a few very minor disagreements and he stopped talking to me. I was stunned. I decided to go and see him for the day. I was going to fly up and back. I sent him a text and told him. He had always said that I was free to surprise him at any time. When I got there, he sent me a text saying he wasn't going to get me. I was shocked, but then he said that he would and showed up 6 hours later.
I am not usually a very patient person, but for some reason I have a lot of patience with him. When I asked him why he wouldn't come and get me and what happened he said he didn't want to meet me in person because he knew how much he would like me, but that I made him 'weak" so he did come to get me. I asked him if he missed me during the time that we were apart and he said yes. He promised not to ignore me again and we spent several hours together. When he was taking me back to the airport he said "I knew it, I knew it. You would leave and I would be lonely again.” I explained that I would come back. My flight ended up getting cancelled and I stayed with him. That went very well. He promised never to ignore me again and we decided I’d come back in a month. He wanted for us to begin talking on the phone more. He has a huge amount of difficulty doing that. We talked a couple of times and then he began ignoring me again. I was stunned.
I had noticed some unusual behaviors in him. He is very very attractive, but he has dated very little. He cannot talk on the phone; it was like he could not hear me. He would say he would call and then it was like he couldn’t dial the phone. When I finally just called him he said “you are very brave” Everything he does is very structured and planned. He was always very concerned that I would think that he was rude, I never did. He seemed amazed at how sweet and nice that I am. He would ask questions so directly; this was refreshing to me but different. He has a very unusual kind of melodic voice. He moves his hands in an unusual way when he talks. He didn’t seem to have many close friends or be close to his family although he does see them. His facial expressions are very blank. And he once told me that the first time that we had sex would be painful for him; but that once he got used to it he would be fine. I could tell he felt emotions, I believed he felt strongly for me but he is very stoic. I once told him that I knew that he felt things and that I believed he felt them more strongly than most people. Taking all of these things into account, I did some research and found out about Aspergers Syndrome.
I tried to get him to talk to me. I was not critical or overly emotional. He did not respond. So once again I flew to see him. This time he did not come and get me. Sent me a text that said “Look I’ve been meaning to tell you I am busy and will not be seeing you this weekend.” Then I got really upset and sent him several text messages that were not nice. I changed my ticket and went home.
I sent him an email that told him how much he hurt me; but that I thought there was a reason. I told him about AS and why I thought he had it. I encouraged him to do some research. I told him that I loved him and that the AS didn’t matter to me. But that I didn’t know how to have a relationship with someone who ignored me. This was in October. He never responded and I tried to go on with my life. But I continued to research AS. I don’t think it excuses his behavior but explains it.
In February I sent him a Valentine’s Day Card. It was more like a friend card then romantic and just signed my name. He sent me a text thanking me. I was so shocked. I thought he would ignore the card, but I sent it to let him know I still cared. He once told me he is always lonely. I can’t seem to forget that. I sent him a text back that said “you’re welcome.”
Two weeks later he began texting me again. This time the texts were like “Hi sweetie just want you to know I’m thinking about you” He chatted with me once, but got off almost as soon as he saw me on the webcam. He rarely goes on the webcam, it makes him uncomfortable. But he used to really like to see me on the cam.
We never spoke about what happened or AS. I thought we would eventually but didn’t want to upset him. The texts became romantic. In about a month there were almost 100 texts from him. I sent him a couple cards and an Easter basket. He did tell me that we would see each other again. We exchanged several very sweet romantic texts a week ago today. And now nothing. I sent him a few texts just to say hi. I sent him one that asked him what was wrong. And then that asked him if he still wants to be with me. I believe he is disappearing again.
1.I did not expect to ever hear from him again, and when I did I was happy and tried to be patient and very encouraging. Should I have asked him to explain why he disappeared, instead of giving him the opportunity to do that in his own time?
2.es anyone have any thoughts on if he will appear in my life again?
3 Any other ideas about why he just disappears? He still continues with work and running.
Our last communication was very positive, that is the most confusing part. I am hurt and I don’t know what to do.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this long post and for providing me with any advice that you can.