3 year old, Is this Normal?

[confusednanny]

I am a nanny for a 3 1/2 year old child.. i find some of his behivors odd. Mom is unaware that these behivors are abnormal for his age and for any child. I believe  his behaviors may be that of an autistic child.
The odd behaviors include....
*NEVER looking into your eyes , not even moms
*running around yelling and screaming jumping like he is in his own little world, this is constint not just sometimes
*acts as if deaf, will not respond untill you ask MANY times, even when nothin else is goin on around him
*delay in speach
*When asking a question, usually responds with a response not assiocated with question. (ex. What do you wanna wear today?...(he respons)... The candy is hard)
*shows no emotions except Anger, never is sad, happy, (only mimics these behaviors)
*repeats what you say (ex: I say... That tree is HUGE! and he says That tree isHUGE!!)
*Dose not react to punishment, nothing seems to phase him
*Still hits, bites, and kicks when he dosnt get his way
*Never seems to understand what your talking about and will go off topic often
*Plays alone, not caring what children aroudn him are doing
*when asked how old he is he responds "im 1" ( he is actually 3 1/2)
* Dose not know ABC's or 123's
* is not understanding what christmas is... thinks its halloween


those behavior are just to name a few....
Am I crazy?  Is there somthing wrong with this child?  IT is hard for me to deal with this child when I feel that somthing is wrong and he needs help. And how do i tell mom i believe somthing is wrong with her child? PLEASE HELP!!!!

*confusednanny

[Rebecca_L]

That is great to hear! I'm guessing Mom was already worried and your concerns were all she needed to act. I know I had to talk to my son and daughter in law for almost a year before they finally admitted that Aidan needed to be evaluated. I have an autistic cousin that I grew up with, however, so I recognized lots of mannerisms in my grandson that I'd seen in my cousin. Fortunately, I was worried and encouraging my son and daughter in law to have him evaluated when he was a year old. He was able to begin the AIM program (an autism program in my area for preschoolers) when he was 3 1/2. He's making good progress.

To help you interact with him as a Nanny I'd recommend a trip to the library and checking out some books for children with autism. Even if he is not diagnosed on the spectrum he is showing symptoms of social interaction problems and the like. Books about floortime or ABA would give you tools for how to engage him. In fact, one of the books that I found very helpful was called Engaging Autism. Good luck -- once you start engaging them most of our kids open up to reveal fascinating and loving personalities.

[confusednanny]

thank you so much for your help! I have talked with the mother and she has agreed to take him to an evaluation. Although she does disagree  i guess the results will tell and i will no longer have to be worried that autisum is the problem. I will either know that it is or be able to rule it out. Thank you for your help and support!

[888mom]

Everyone on the autistic spectrum is different.  So if the mom knows another child who is autistic, her child might be totally different.  

I think also parents can be afraid of having a diagnosis.  Maybe if they don't have a doctor or a therapist figure it out, the child will overcome this on their own and they can avoid a diagnosis entirely?  I know it's kind of warped thinking, but parents want to think nothing is wrong with their kids.  Also people are skeptical about doctors overdiagnosing problems.  

Sometimes parents also think that nothing is wrong with their children because they have relatives telling them that they were the same way as children.  There is a genetic component to the autism spectrum, so the parents each may have some of these things as well.  Maybe one of them was a late talker.  maybe one of them has sensory issues or rituatlistic behavior/OCD.  If someone tells them their child has issues, it's also telling the parents that they had/have issues too.

So, well, I really don't know how you can politely tell the mom that you have concerns.  But telling the mom is important.  Finding supportive documentation might help too, or finding other people who also talk to the mom who can also talk to her?  I mean, if she hears it from several people she'd have to pay attention, right?  There are tons of websites out there.  I haven't looked at any of them in well over a year (I get more advice from therapists, the developmental pediatrician we saw, and from the developmental preschool teacher and the speech therapist and occupational therapist at the preschool).  Anyways, other people on the forum might know some websites to check out.

Good luck.  Hopefully you can figure something out.  

[Sally44]

Those are certainly things I noticed in my son at that age he went on to get a diagnosis of an Autistic Spectrum Disorder.  
The repeating what you say is Echolalia, google autism and echolalia and see what it brings up.  He may also use words and phrases that he has heard people say or has seen on TV/DVDs/films and put his speech together rather like a verbal jigsaw puzzle.
The answering questions with something totally unrelated is also what my son did.  These things need to be assessed by a Speech and Language Therapist.  
Do you work as a private nanny for this family?  And which country are you in?
Although he may well be on the spectrum, it is good that he is talking.
If this is the family's only child they may not automatically pick up that something is wrong.  I didn't realise myself.  My next door neighbours, who are both teachers, told me that they thought I should have his speech assessed by a SALT because they thought he would struggle when he started school if he wasn't able to communicate better and understand what was said to him.  That was the beginning of the process that lead to me getting a diagnosis about 18 months later.
As you are employed as the nanny, you do have (I presume), experience of working with children.  Why not ask the mother if she has any concerns about his speech, or that he repeats what you say back to you and appears not to understand questions.  Then you could suggest that as he will be starting school in the near future it might be worth having him assessed because the earlier therapy begins the more successful it is.