My son stims but has not other symptoms. What do we do?

[jturetken]

My son is 3 and started to have a self-stim last year while on a long Christmas holiday. He has no other symptoms and can control this. However, due to reactions of his teachers, we had him checked by his family doctor as well as a neurologist and a developmental psychologist (a friend of the family). The consensus was that this was just a child entertaining himself.

We are now away on sabbatical, and initially with the new environment there was very little stimming.  But, he has recently started up again at school. We have noticed at home that it happens when he is bored or tired, and on occasion when he is excited. I can tell that the preschool has become quite boring for him as they don't do much in the way of traditional curriculum. This is boring as he can read 3 letter words, do simple math, etc.. When the teacher approached me to see if we had him assessed I told her the story, and let her know that the medical professionals felt this was nothing but if it affected school we might want to consider ADD or ADHD and have him reassessed. Although the school allows the children to wander the premises on their own and explore whatever they like, she said it is affecting his schooling. This was a bit contentious for me as i can tell that he is just bored. As well, she wasn't aware of his interests or full cognitive abilities. However,  I went down the road of trying to figure out what this is and what to do. Even if it is nothing, we need to help him, because it is apparent that rather than getting to know him, teachers and perhaps peers are going to judge him for this.

To that end, we redirect him when he does it. We have even told him to stop, to which he either does or tells us no that he wants to do it. So, he is in control of this.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Not really true that you can get 'free speech services' by the state as it is income related AFTER an evaluation process.

I think a smart parent does try to help their children.  No, we shouldn't overdramatize a problem but for any parent that sees the lack of ability for their child to cope or fit in, it is heartbreaking.  Diagnosing my son was the best thing we could have done for him!  

[liatkatz]

try a montessori school. they are typically pretty good about leaving kids to explore.


10% of boys have a speech delay of significance. I think eventually we will get to something like 5% autism because its been thus redefined.  Autism diagnosis in the case of ASD not classical autism is a matter of OPINION. One doctor can say autism another can say speech delay. You have to decide what you want.  I think there is a significant group of kids with sensory issues and speech and neurological delay but they usually catch up, some in 2 years some in 4, it really can take time. I know social people with poor eye contact and I think its nuts to pathologize kids as is being done and freaking parents out. But again, Im in a minority. There are autism support groups up the wazoo and a whole industry of professionals who are overpaid to remedy this. Then the kids need support when theyre older and dont have it.  My advice always is to enjoy your child. If youre concerned about speech you can get free speech services from the state or privately through insurance. You can do ALOT yourself. The first step is always communicating needs. You can do this with body language or words/sounds. Place something he WANTS out of reach. Dont dangle it. Say the word or the movement you want and repeat this. It works phenomenally. Love is what make kids great not interventions.  L

[specialmom]

Hi, I just wanted to add that kids don't necessarily stim just when they have autism. My son has sensory integration disorder and has had periods of stimming.  He too does it when tired, bored, agitated or excited.  Also when he is nervous.  School can  make my son nervous.  

I think it is an excellent suggestion to see an occupational therapist as they can teach ways for your son to calm his nervous system overall.  Heavy work is what this is called and lots of this make stimming less necessary.

we have also found that by working on my son's anxiety, he stims much less.  good luck

[skepticalpeach]

Have you thought about getting some occupational therapy for your son? You can do this without a diagnosis. My daughter used to stim so much she couldn't sit still for more than a minute. OT has helped so much with this. Yes, there is a lot you can do at home to help, but getting a professional involved is so beneficial.

[cmariequev31]

No problem at all and thank you as well  BTW, you can probably do some spd therapy to help with the stimming without a diagnosis. Maybe buy that book "The Out of Sync Child." There are exercises that might help or maybe you can find a replacement behavior.

[jturetken]

You seem like a very kind person, and you are so right about these sweet little children. They all have different needs and different issues.

It's funny that you mention switching schools. We are away for a year on business, and when this all started last year we had gone as a family on a long winter trip. When we returned home, he was moved up to the new preschool class at his daycare as the director felt he was ready at just 2 years and 3 months. He is quite tall, and as I said quite capable. In the previous class they catered to him. He got a great deal of one on one attention. The teachers started to teach him to write letters, and did things like yoga with him to help him redirect his energy. When he moved to the new class, trouble began immediately. On the first day the teacher was upset because he touched the piano. She said that no child had ever touched the piano before him. She also wanted to talk to me about the stimming that had just developed in the week or two before that. After speaking with her, I had him checked by our doctor, by a developmental psychologist, and a neurologist who all seemed to think that I was overreacting to her. They said he was social, did not have any delays, but that it was just a way to entertain himself or perhaps a tic, which is actually very common in children under four. When the teacher approached me again, she seemed almost angry and upset that no one had found anything to be wrong. I think this is the thing that is bothersome at times. There are some who embrace him, and appreciate who he is. Yes, he does do this one thing that can be a little off-putting. In truth, I don't even notice it that much when he is doing it anymore. But, when a teacher seems to have a need for there to be something wrong. Then I have a problem. When we delved deeper into the teacher and the school we discovered that quite a few parents had had similar or strange run-ins with her. So, we pulled him out until she was fired. The reason that I say this is that as I am going through this process, I am learning to trust my gut instincts. I know my child as do all mothers. I

'm still not ruling out SPD. Doing a lot of reading, he doesn't quite fit the bill. However, I know with an illness that I have had a child, not everything fits into the category that professionals think it should. As you said, he is functional, which is good news. So, if we can help him, the road won't be so rocky.

I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. I'm glad that your son got his diagnosis. I have an auto-immune disorder that was misdiagnosed for over 35 years. So, I know the pain of not knowing. I wonder sometimes if this is why I'm so sensitive when it comes to my kids. How is your son doing now? I know that there are some great programs out there, and there are some great support groups. I have some friends who have boys with autism. I didn't want to mention this to them as I felt my problems were very trivial compared to theirs. I can say, however, that I have seen amazing things with their boys over the years. All of the families go to Autism Speaks for a support network, and that really seems to help.

You have helped me a lot over the past day. I wish you and your family the very best, and I hope that 2014 brings you many great things. You seem like a very caring and dedicated mother. Best wishes!

[cmariequev31]

In the case of your son based on what you are saying, I agree with you. I wonder if his going off by himself would be so noticeable if he did not stim. Bottom line, he is a functional and intelligent child and I doubt there is a box that he can fit in. If you are like me, I have a son with severe delays in all areas and stims, hits himself, etc., so he greatly benefits from being diagnosed with autism. But if he were in your son's position I would probably not do a thing except consider homeschooling as an option or switch schools or teachers.

My daughter is highly intelligent and talks very very well and she is just under 3. But only this week was I able to teach her how to respond to "what's your name?" That might seem huge but if you saw her you would see that it was a tinu glitch in her development. She thought her name was baby because we asked her who this is and pointed at her. She would say "that's baby."

So my point is that children can have so many varying challenges and all, but just as my daughter's pediatrician told me, she does not fit any label, she is a highly functional child.

She also tends to like things to be clean for her but only done once. With ocd a child will try to insist it is done over and over. Asking for cleanliness is not unreasonable!

[jturetken]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. He plays well with others. He does do a lot of pretend play. His newest imaginary theme is rescuing animals like he sees on Diego. I will say that he is more interested in kids that are at least a year older. He likes the type of play that they do. This part of his personality is not that different than his brother who is highly gifted. He, himself, shows many signs of giftedness.  His vocabulary is much larger and includes more complex words than children of his own age group. As well, ha is very physically capable with both fine motor and gross motor skills.

His brother had similar but different issues in school. He did not stim, but he was disruptive in other ways. They advanced him a grade, and he is actually excelling both socially and academically. So, I don't know if this is something we would want to consider for this guy in the future.

We have considered SPD, but the neurologist felt that this was not the case. He also checked him for seizures, but there were no significant findings in that regard. He suggested that it "might" be ADHD, but that he didn't quite want to go down that road as he can focus for extended periods of time on highly academic things. We have noticed that the stimming occurs if he is bored or extremely tired. The latter almost feels like he is fighting sleep. The doctors said the former is the way that he entertains himself when there is nothing that intrigues him.

Back to the imagination play, the incidents that he teacher is referring to, she did say that she found him in one of the rooms by himself and when she asked him what was going on or what he was looking at he said that he was trying to save an animal (Diego).

I wonder with her if she is not sensitive to looking for something in every avenue. I say this, because she is not completely without knowledge in these areas.I also know from my own experience as a linguist that I will sometimes look for things in people's language that aren't really there, and not because I am trying to label someone, rather that you become sensitized to certain language anomalies that in isolation really mean nothing.  It is never bad intention, but not getting the whole picture.

The other interesting fact is that one of the other teachers is a huge advocate for him. She has come to us from day one to tell us how great he is and what an outside the box type of thinker that he is. Her connection with him is so amazing. So, I wonder how much time the teacher has actually spent with him. Especially in light of the fact that she did not know that he could write and spell his name. Nor did she know that he could read many three letter words. They have so many children to pay attention to that I can't expect her to completely focus on him, but it has been clear to me that she does not know him.

Again, thank you for your input. I think that I will get something written from the professionals, because I feel that until he learns to channel this energy in a different way, he is always going to be the subject of some debate. We want him to be happy and continue to lead the very normal social life that he is now leading. This is why I have such a fear of labels, whether positive or negative. They put expectations on people that may not be accurate as to who they are, and when we don't live up to those perceived notions then problems can arise.

[cmariequev31]

Maybe you should get a written statement or document regarding their current assessment and let her know that they are keeping an eye on it. It may feel she is judging him but this type of behavior may be new to her and she onlywants to help. If she feels it is interfering, perhaps she could have a meeting and talk about how it is interfering.

Also, coming from a mom with a son who has a pretty significant case of autism, I think that he *might* benefit from sensory integration therapy. This may be spd (sensory processing disorder). But how is he with other kids? Does he pretend play? My son with autism used to stim a lot. Now he has more issue with self injurious behavior.