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upset over losing free time? (part 2)
As I was saying in the first part, He got worksheets on a snow day, and shortly after he got upset that the fact that he still has to make the snow day up although he got worksheets that snow day. He is very depressed about this approximatley 50% of the time. I kept telling him that he would NOT get to be rewarded for the punishment but he doesn't listen. Sometimes incidents like this happened at school. One time when the kids were unpacking, everyone was talking and the teacher gave out extra homework. He had a major meltdown and was sent to the office. After school he was crying to me because of the extra homework. I told him, "You are 9 years old. You should be old enough to handle extra homework". I really don't know why he has this kind of behavior. PLEASE HELP!
I was thinking about what time he works on homework after school. Does he work on his homework at a set time every night (except his free night)?
I used to visualize my week ahead sort of like a week in a calendar. I'd mentally block off sections per each day filled by either classes, lunch time, homework, shopping trips etc..
It became especially helpful in college when I didn't have classes every day. I'd mentally visualize my Mondays and Wednesdays at 10:30 am- 12:30 pm being occupied by a figure drawing class. Tuesdays and Thursdays 2:00 pm - 4:00 being occupied by illustration media. And so on... (Since this has been a long time ago I'm making up the specific time stamps and the course names, but you get the point anyway)
When I ran into trouble was when I got stressed out and distracted, then I lost the ability to visualize my schedules in my head (plus the multiple assignments with all kinds of different deadlines surpassed my ability to keep track mentally), I shut down... But that's a different topic altogether.
When I did homework in school grades 7-12 I tried to get as much done in the school environment as possible. Grade 6, I refused to do homework outside the school building. Earlier grades I did assignments at home but I had to be pressured to get some of them done. At home I couldn't keep my mind as focused on a regular schedule as at school.
Plus at home I had my own things I wanted to do...and I had planned out how I wanted to spend that time. But that's typical for everyone.
I still do the visualizing blocks of time ever so often. I shade out time spent for meals, etc… If I have an appointment coming up, I visualize that day being occupied by that activity. If I have two activities occupying the same day, I try to visualize both activities as a shaded block in a day planner.
I hope that makes sense... If not, I'm sorry.
I used to visualize my week ahead sort of like a week in a calendar. I'd mentally block off sections per each day filled by either classes, lunch time, homework, shopping trips etc..
It became especially helpful in college when I didn't have classes every day. I'd mentally visualize my Mondays and Wednesdays at 10:30 am- 12:30 pm being occupied by a figure drawing class. Tuesdays and Thursdays 2:00 pm - 4:00 being occupied by illustration media. And so on... (Since this has been a long time ago I'm making up the specific time stamps and the course names, but you get the point anyway)
When I ran into trouble was when I got stressed out and distracted, then I lost the ability to visualize my schedules in my head (plus the multiple assignments with all kinds of different deadlines surpassed my ability to keep track mentally), I shut down... But that's a different topic altogether.
When I did homework in school grades 7-12 I tried to get as much done in the school environment as possible. Grade 6, I refused to do homework outside the school building. Earlier grades I did assignments at home but I had to be pressured to get some of them done. At home I couldn't keep my mind as focused on a regular schedule as at school.
Plus at home I had my own things I wanted to do...and I had planned out how I wanted to spend that time. But that's typical for everyone.
I still do the visualizing blocks of time ever so often. I shade out time spent for meals, etc… If I have an appointment coming up, I visualize that day being occupied by that activity. If I have two activities occupying the same day, I try to visualize both activities as a shaded block in a day planner.
I hope that makes sense... If not, I'm sorry.
A friend of mine has a 23 year old son who has PDD-nos who recently got so angry over having his bath done on a diiferent day at his group home that he punched his hand thru the window. His bath was suposed to be Tuesdays and Thursday and a staff worker tried to give him a bath on Wednesday. This set him off. This guy MUST take the morning paper and a pen cross out all non-zero digits before he leaves the home for any reason. If the paper doesn't come for some reason, sombody is going to quikie mart and buying that paper! Persons on the autistic spectrum are VERY possessive about their routines and schedules.
IMO, it has nothing to do with worksheets/rewards/punishments/extra homework it's just the change in routine that he tried to plan around and something else short - circuited thes plans.
IMO, it has nothing to do with worksheets/rewards/punishments/extra homework it's just the change in routine that he tried to plan around and something else short - circuited thes plans.
He probably wasn't upset about something fun that came up, but yes I still think it's a change in schedule that upset him. I mean the homework schedule.
Isn't it ironic that surprises that are pleasent are less upsetting than surprizes that are not? That I don't need to elaberate further. It's perfectly human.
Isn't it ironic that surprises that are pleasent are less upsetting than surprizes that are not? That I don't need to elaberate further. It's perfectly human.
He wasn't upset about the snow day, just the fact that he got worksheets on his free time DURING the snow day
Sorry for all the typos. I try to ms word check on occasion, but it looks like even then it can't fix my clumsy typing.
Did you read the reply I had on your part 1 post? I tried to give you some idea. He's upset because there was a break in his routine and how he had visualized the week to turn out.
I guess it may be hard for a "normal" person to understand this, but as autistics, we tend to predict how the week will turn out in advance and start our mental expectations according to how we visualize the week to turn out. This leaves little to no room for error or change. We want everything to turn out as we expect it. As autistics surprises throw us in loops and totally shatter what we planned. We don’t like to be surprised unless we expect to be surprised. (then the surprise isn’t really a surprise, right?)
Visualize having a glace sculpture that is very dear to you. Either it is expensive or got great sentimental value. When something disrupts our schedule it is like having the dog suddenly knock over that glass sculpture. It falls and smashes into a dozen pieces and can't be repaired the same.
That's the same feeling that an autistic person may have when something changes their set plan.
There was no way to plan the snow day. It just happened. If your autistic child new ahead the snow storm would happen and change what would happen during his free time, he probably wouldn't be so upset. He would expect it and planned his life around that event.
The same when you were going to take him some place that day. I'm finding out as much as I didn't want to admit it, I am the same way. My grandma cannot just take me shopping because "I won't feel like it" if she says let's go today."
But if I know we are to do it on Thursday at 1:00 (for example) then I am not as anxious because I know what is happening. I can plan my week around that event. But if something happens that changes it, then I get shaken, just like having something precious shattering on the floor. It's stressful.
Trying to insult (which isn't your intention) your son saying he is old enough to handle the excess homework is only going to upset him more. If he's like me, such things I take as an insult and an attack on my self esteem. I start feeling sorry for myself afterwards because I feel like I am inferior when really it's a breakdown in communication and understanding. It's not the homework he is upset about. It is the fact that it occurred spontaneously without being planned that he is upset over.
I guess it may be hard for a "normal" person to understand this, but as autistics, we tend to predict how the week will turn out in advance and start our mental expectations according to how we visualize the week to turn out. This leaves little to no room for error or change. We want everything to turn out as we expect it. As autistics surprises throw us in loops and totally shatter what we planned. We don’t like to be surprised unless we expect to be surprised. (then the surprise isn’t really a surprise, right?)
Visualize having a glace sculpture that is very dear to you. Either it is expensive or got great sentimental value. When something disrupts our schedule it is like having the dog suddenly knock over that glass sculpture. It falls and smashes into a dozen pieces and can't be repaired the same.
That's the same feeling that an autistic person may have when something changes their set plan.
There was no way to plan the snow day. It just happened. If your autistic child new ahead the snow storm would happen and change what would happen during his free time, he probably wouldn't be so upset. He would expect it and planned his life around that event.
The same when you were going to take him some place that day. I'm finding out as much as I didn't want to admit it, I am the same way. My grandma cannot just take me shopping because "I won't feel like it" if she says let's go today."
But if I know we are to do it on Thursday at 1:00 (for example) then I am not as anxious because I know what is happening. I can plan my week around that event. But if something happens that changes it, then I get shaken, just like having something precious shattering on the floor. It's stressful.
Trying to insult (which isn't your intention) your son saying he is old enough to handle the excess homework is only going to upset him more. If he's like me, such things I take as an insult and an attack on my self esteem. I start feeling sorry for myself afterwards because I feel like I am inferior when really it's a breakdown in communication and understanding. It's not the homework he is upset about. It is the fact that it occurred spontaneously without being planned that he is upset over.
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