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How to help my grandaughter
My 2 year old granddaughter has been given the Diagnosis of PDD-NOS. She is non-verbal. She babbles sounds such as dada and mama but that is the extent of her vocabulary. I would like to help my son and daughter in law with her but it is very difficult. I think I could help if I understood PDD-NOS. How can I not only help my granddaughter but her mom and Dad also?
Hi Karen.
As a grandma raising a grandson with PDDnos. My question to you is how open are the parents to your help?
My almost 2yo is non-verbal also and watching infant sign language videos have helped tremendously in his communication skills and reducing his and our frustration. ALSO get early intervention involved if they haven’t already.
Tpomeroy
Grandma raising 3 sp needs grandkids
As a grandma raising a grandson with PDDnos. My question to you is how open are the parents to your help?
My almost 2yo is non-verbal also and watching infant sign language videos have helped tremendously in his communication skills and reducing his and our frustration. ALSO get early intervention involved if they haven’t already.
Tpomeroy
Grandma raising 3 sp needs grandkids
Oh, wanted to add the OCD-like/ritualistic behaviors can also lead to meltdowns/tantrums. I am told that that behavior peaks around 3 or 4 and gets better as the children get older. Our daughter can have a tantrum if you put her clothes on in the wrong order or if you do something in the wrong part of the house. Or any number of things. We've learned to accept some of the OCD-like things, things that don't affect other people and help her overcome some of the stuff that does affect other people (we wouldn't put up with her having to order our lives around - for example, if she wants to put her clothes on left arm before right arm, that's fine since one day she'll dress herself, but if she's making mommy or daddy dress that way, that's not acceptable to force someone else to do something in her order). Well, anyways, not all kids with PDD have rituatlistic behaviors, and some kids have it worse than others, but it's another reason a child might have a meltdown/tantrum. And also another to realize since some people think that if a parent disciplines well enough their child wouldn't be behaving like this. Our daughter is very well behaved. She doesn't have meltdowns in public. She respects other people. But she also knows that we respect her choices as well. She knows that we understand that she has certain problems with things and that we won't force her to go through a horrible experience or that we'll at least make accomodations for her to do so. There are things that we help her through that are just necessities. We don't give her outs on everything. But we do accept her for who she is. It's taken a long time to figure everything out.
Oh, and the other thing about speech is that we've had to force her to talk. When she was 2 and capable of talking we'd ask her to use her words or to show us with her hands (sign language). And we'd be patient. If she couldn't remember the word, we'd help her sign it and then say it. It was hard not to just cave in and give her what she wanted. There was lots of whining for a stretch of time, when she was 2. Relatives and friends had to learn to ask her to use her language as well. If your granddaughter is not speaking yet, you'll have to find out when she is capable. You don't want to tell her to use her words when she can't yet.
One last thing, is that now is a good time to have autism. I mean, no time is great to have it, but the therapies that are available and the school system acknowleding it and working with our children to help them go to school and learn. 30+ years ago when I was growing up, I think all kids with disabilities were either lumped in the LD (learning disabled) or ED (emotionally disturbed) classrooms with no hope of mainstreaming into society. And the only thing I knew about autism was from the movie Rainman. I wonder how many children who were diagnosed as "retarded" might have autism? Or might have been helped had they early intervention and a school system that had specific therapies to help them out?
Oh, and the other thing about speech is that we've had to force her to talk. When she was 2 and capable of talking we'd ask her to use her words or to show us with her hands (sign language). And we'd be patient. If she couldn't remember the word, we'd help her sign it and then say it. It was hard not to just cave in and give her what she wanted. There was lots of whining for a stretch of time, when she was 2. Relatives and friends had to learn to ask her to use her language as well. If your granddaughter is not speaking yet, you'll have to find out when she is capable. You don't want to tell her to use her words when she can't yet.
One last thing, is that now is a good time to have autism. I mean, no time is great to have it, but the therapies that are available and the school system acknowleding it and working with our children to help them go to school and learn. 30+ years ago when I was growing up, I think all kids with disabilities were either lumped in the LD (learning disabled) or ED (emotionally disturbed) classrooms with no hope of mainstreaming into society. And the only thing I knew about autism was from the movie Rainman. I wonder how many children who were diagnosed as "retarded" might have autism? Or might have been helped had they early intervention and a school system that had specific therapies to help them out?
If you live near your child/grandchild, you could help out by babysitting. I think the biggest thing with our daughter who is now almost 3 1/2, is that she knows her grandmother. She has problems recognizing people unless she sees them a lot and it does take more time with her to get to know someone and play with them. When she was 2, her eye contact with strangers was pretty bad. Her grandmother moved to our state to be closer to her granddaughter, which at the time we didn't know we'd have a daughter with PDD.
Just to let you know how our daughter is progressing with speech (be patient -- your granddaughter most likely will be talking like other kids, it will probably just take longer to get there)... Our daughter at the age of 24 months didn't say any words, not even mama and dada. Her receptive language (ability to understand words) was pretty non-existant as well. She didn't even recognize her own name. We started therapy, to begin with 3 times per week for an hour each session, with a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a developmental therapist. It was through our state's Birth to 3 program. Some states offer more help than others. Usually you can get at least one hour a week of therapy through the state. Her recetpive language started kicking in around age 2 1/2. Her vocabulary didn't really start growing until this past summer when she was closer to age 3. When she turned 3 she was just starting to combine 2 words together. When she turned 3, she transitioned from the state's Birth to 3 program to the public school system that has a developmental preschool which she attends two mornings per week for 2 1/2 hours. She is now starting to put 3 words together and occasionally making sort of sentences (not exactly but close). The school system estimated she was about a year behind when she turned 3 (her verbal language they estimated being at 23 months and the receptive language at 21 months). She's progressing a lot now, but she's still about a year behind. But she's not falling any further behind, so we are very pleased. She's interacting with other kids her own age and telling us things. So communication is starting to kick in.
I guess another thing to know as a grandparent that she might have behavioral issues associated with PDD. Some kids have ritualistic behaviors and/or sensory processing issues. If she is having a tantrum, it is probably not because the parents are spoiling her or letting her get away with her behavior. Sometimes when you take a child with sensory issues out to a store or a restaurant, they might have sensory overload or just get panicked. I have sensory processing issues myself, so I never really questioned this with our daughter. A restaurant can be scary if the lights are too dim or they might be too bright. It might be too noisy or too crowded. If they're taking her to a store, she might have a meltdown because maybe the floor was just waxed and is reflecting the fluorescent lighting. Or maybe the store uses cheap floor cleaner and she can smell the ammonia and it stinks. Or there are too many people shopping in the store. Or the store is cluttered (Walmart can really suck in those aspects, that I can't go, and I especially can not take my daughter in to that store ever).
Our daughter is social. She doesn't understand social cueing (what the therapists say is how she interprets and interacts with other kids and sometimes her lack of response or inappropriate responses to things). But she loves to play with other kids. This I am told is not typical autistic behavior. That is one reason why she was diagnosed with PDD-NOS instead of autism. Autism is a whole spectrum. Some kids can have no problems with language but have huge problems with social skills and social communication especially in their peer age level. Some kids can have sensory processing issues and others don't. Some kids have more ritualitsic behaviors than others with autism.
I guess trying to understand what autism is, not questioning why there is a diagnosis, and listening to your son and daughter-in-law and asking how to help out would be important. Also just being there for your granddaughter and letting her get to know you and interact with you. And babysitting for the parents. There was a stretch of time where we had a hard time getting a sitter. Having a child with special needs (whether it is autism or just huge speech delays) can be an emotional drain on the parents. Having time to go out for dinner without a kid who is having a meltdown is a really nice thing.
Just to let you know how our daughter is progressing with speech (be patient -- your granddaughter most likely will be talking like other kids, it will probably just take longer to get there)... Our daughter at the age of 24 months didn't say any words, not even mama and dada. Her receptive language (ability to understand words) was pretty non-existant as well. She didn't even recognize her own name. We started therapy, to begin with 3 times per week for an hour each session, with a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a developmental therapist. It was through our state's Birth to 3 program. Some states offer more help than others. Usually you can get at least one hour a week of therapy through the state. Her recetpive language started kicking in around age 2 1/2. Her vocabulary didn't really start growing until this past summer when she was closer to age 3. When she turned 3 she was just starting to combine 2 words together. When she turned 3, she transitioned from the state's Birth to 3 program to the public school system that has a developmental preschool which she attends two mornings per week for 2 1/2 hours. She is now starting to put 3 words together and occasionally making sort of sentences (not exactly but close). The school system estimated she was about a year behind when she turned 3 (her verbal language they estimated being at 23 months and the receptive language at 21 months). She's progressing a lot now, but she's still about a year behind. But she's not falling any further behind, so we are very pleased. She's interacting with other kids her own age and telling us things. So communication is starting to kick in.
I guess another thing to know as a grandparent that she might have behavioral issues associated with PDD. Some kids have ritualistic behaviors and/or sensory processing issues. If she is having a tantrum, it is probably not because the parents are spoiling her or letting her get away with her behavior. Sometimes when you take a child with sensory issues out to a store or a restaurant, they might have sensory overload or just get panicked. I have sensory processing issues myself, so I never really questioned this with our daughter. A restaurant can be scary if the lights are too dim or they might be too bright. It might be too noisy or too crowded. If they're taking her to a store, she might have a meltdown because maybe the floor was just waxed and is reflecting the fluorescent lighting. Or maybe the store uses cheap floor cleaner and she can smell the ammonia and it stinks. Or there are too many people shopping in the store. Or the store is cluttered (Walmart can really suck in those aspects, that I can't go, and I especially can not take my daughter in to that store ever).
Our daughter is social. She doesn't understand social cueing (what the therapists say is how she interprets and interacts with other kids and sometimes her lack of response or inappropriate responses to things). But she loves to play with other kids. This I am told is not typical autistic behavior. That is one reason why she was diagnosed with PDD-NOS instead of autism. Autism is a whole spectrum. Some kids can have no problems with language but have huge problems with social skills and social communication especially in their peer age level. Some kids can have sensory processing issues and others don't. Some kids have more ritualitsic behaviors than others with autism.
I guess trying to understand what autism is, not questioning why there is a diagnosis, and listening to your son and daughter-in-law and asking how to help out would be important. Also just being there for your granddaughter and letting her get to know you and interact with you. And babysitting for the parents. There was a stretch of time where we had a hard time getting a sitter. Having a child with special needs (whether it is autism or just huge speech delays) can be an emotional drain on the parents. Having time to go out for dinner without a kid who is having a meltdown is a really nice thing.
As the grandparent you need not really understand the diagnosis or event the treatment. My advice as a parent of a child with Autism is to just tell them you support them in any way you can. If you can offer your time for an hour a week or more then make a time and stick to it, If you can help take the child to the therapies then offer that. If you have some money to help them out then do that. Autism, PDD, etc are expensive treatments. If you just don't judge what ever they choose to do to help out your grandchild and you are there for their moral support and what ever help you can give, they will forever appreciate you. My parents have been my lifeline and I owe my sons successes in part to this. The story of what happened to my child and what we have done is at www.tinyurl.com/kalebsstory
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