money woes

[jexalexandra]

Hi, I am kinda new on this forum. I had been using moodtracker and stuff but not really asked any questions or wrote anything.

Oh my bad I did ask a question a while ago about voices.

This is for the bipolar peeps.

Do you have problems with budgeting? Do you overspend money you don't have on things you don't need? Do you have a spending spree when youo have money? If you do, what do you do about it to control it? Curious about the methods people use for controlling their budgets.

Have a Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

[monkeyc]

Arghh 80's flashback.. As a teenager in the 80's I can remember big hair and leg warmers (for some reason Kim Carnes comes to mind realllyy easily) and fluro clothing and its scaring me !

I was watching TV at my brothers yesterday and Pretty in Pink was on and it was scary just how much that reminds me of my childhood now, then again I was a child when it came out !

For me its pens btw - cant stop buying em and have boxes.  Weird arent we.

[horselover65]

Thanks for the reassurance. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, but my psychiatrist was not concerned about the salt. He was a lot more concerned with hydration.

[horselover65]

OMG! We must be related, bulldozer. I have tons of stationary, too!!! And, I won't use the last piece of stationary, so I have some from when I was a little kid. When my sister went to prison, it was the best excuse ever to go buy even more stationary - cards, in particular. The ones that are blank on the inside. It's funny how much we have in common! Nope, no M & S here that I know of or Dorothy Perkins. I haven't looked online. If they have those here, they're probably in NYC or some other big city. I like the stretchy ones, but I hate the hipsters. I've been wearing flannel tunics or long fleece shirts and leggings lately. They're comfortable. I already lived through the 80's once, so leg warmers and big hair are definitely OUT! ;-)

[monkeyc]

My doctor told me not to worry about my salt intake and some reading shows that salt in diets is not a problem normally unless there are already issues - I eat what I want within reason and stay slap bang in the right range, maybe thats just me.

both of my past pdocs told me that they thought diet was a non issue for Lithium users being monitored unless another condition indicated it but hydration was key in their minds.

Not sure who is right, I just eat what I want these days.

[bernie40]

Thanks horselover65 - I dare say I'd have to eat an awful lot of salt for it to be a problem so as you say the odd bag of crisps isn't going to hurt :-)

As for jeans - well, I find the ones that come to just under the naval are the best ones and I had one hell of a job finding them as they are all made at hipster level nowadays.  Also stretch rather than rigid material.  I may not be as svelte as i was in my twenties but I've finally found jeans that look good and feel comfy - :-)  Marks & Spencers and Dorothy Perkins (don't know if you have either of those stores over there).

My other spend!!  Is stationery - please don't laugh, this is an obsession I've had for years, since childhood.  It is a big joke that I have more stationery than Staples!  I love all things stationery - pens, rulers, blu tack, paper, books, envelopes....... ok, you've got the picture.  Do I need it - not the amount I've got thats for sure.

[horselover65]

Hey bulldozer - my doc said not to increase or decrease my salt intake. I kept having crying jags and I noticed there was no saltiness in my tears. After a few days, I made an effort to eat a little something salty because I figured not having salt couldn't be good. A few crisps probably won't hurt. When I ate a little more salt, a lot of the water weight seemed to go down and my tears went back to normal. Nothing scientific about this, btw, just my meaningless opinion and experience talking. I eat some popcorn every couple of days. I'm not downing large amounts or anything, but I reckon I somehow got a little deficient.

[horselover65]

monkeyc - I have a thing about scissors, mostly, but I am not looking for the perfect pair. I just want to have them in every room of the house, in the garage, in the barn, and to have lots of spares. I have no idea where it comes from. My husband is like you about chocolate except that he does seem to crave it. I have never met people as crazy about chocolate as he and his mother. He used to run to the store for me and leave a candy bar wrapper in the car, then lie about it, look down shuffle his feet like a little kid when I would show him the evidence. He got regular Ferrer Rocher, the dark chocolate version (noir rand? or something), Guylian truffles, etc. from Santa this year - about 10 different kinds when it was all said and done. It seems like a lot to me, but I know from experience it will be gone quickly. It always is. That is his only vice, though. He is usually the last person on earth to buy anything for himself, so in a way it's good that I go nuts at his birthday and Christmas (which are only 2 days apart). He'd never get anything new or different otherwise. I've been trying to get him to get rid of a certain pair of shoes for nearly 15 years now. He is a pack rat and so am I...which is an issue for another day.

I do look for the perfect whatever occasionally and that is hard because, especially with clothes or shoes, sometimes it doesn't exist. Lately, I'm most likely to look for the "perfect" tack for the horses than anything for us humans. That stuff will break the budget in a hurry. The equine dentist recommended this monstrously expensive bit for one of them and we have been looking for something similar for 4 months. I don't mind getting him the bit, but if he doesn't like it, we're out a lot of money and then hubby would be pretty hacked off. I don't know if there's a similar one out there or not...

I sometimes get fixated about researching major purchases or making major decisions. When we got a new car in 2001 and the big truck in 2005, I spent days looking up information, reviews, etc. online. I was obsessed with knowing every detail and that was more important than even the vehicle itself. Sometimes that vigilance pays off and other times it doesn't. Another time it worked out fairly well was when we moved here. I researched the city online. I knew hubby didn't like Denver, but we were looking for a place to live with a lot of outdoor activities and Colorado looked like the most temperate place to have mountains and snow without having miserable weather. We kinda backed into the decision after I visited here with my sister when she was coming off heroin. The next visit, we signed a contract to build a house. Neither of us had spent more than a week here. It was 90% due to research. Life changed dramatically but a lot of it couldn't be anticipated no matter how much info I gathered.

bulldozer - I feel you with the jeans. I used to buy a lot of them, in spurts. I waited about five years to get rid of my larger clothes, then as soon as I did, I gained weight. I have been trying on jeans again for the past several years. I don't buy many because they don't fit right, but I've been on a quest. A long, frustrating quest. I don't order them online any more because I'm not sure of the size and I never, ever remember to ship back things that don't fit. I'm convinced there is a decent pair out there that will fit my now decidedly middle-aged body. I haven't found them yet, though.

I bet if I asked my husband he would have other things that I buy he finds illogical. Shoes and boots, for sure. I'm not gonna ask because I don't wanna know right now. LOL! I imagine he'd start with fleece clothes. I think I'd buy fleece underwear if they made it...

[bernie40]

Talk to me about chocolate!!!  Why is it that now I'm yet again on a med that can increase weight I suddenly want chocolate and cheese??.... sigh

Even better - I, who is not bothered by crisps has suddenly decided that they are really most attractive!  What med have I started - yes , lithium - do not increase your salt intake....... bigger sigh

[monkeyc]

Ohh food yes indeed. Thanks to my hyper appetite right now I am terrible and a big killer for me is chocolate - oddly its not something I crave if its not around but with christmas and all right now this house is bursting with chocolates and the sales today saw more added to the pile, I think right now there are at least 2 boxes of Ferroro Rocher in the house, a jumbo box of Guylian Seashells, I know there's a box of belgian truffles and piles of christmas mints and the like that seem to proliferate - my wife keeps buying them but sometimes I do, I fixate on chocolate and its the killer of my weight - I just keep buying it.

The other obsession is coffee of course; but then if my espresso machine exploded I would be lost.. No one wants to be near me before my first coffee and cigarette in the morning.

bulldozer I laugh at the handbags - my wife bought 2 on boxing day to add to the 40 or so she has now, never expensive ones thank god but she is a handbag obsessive and can never get the perfect one.  I have a friend who is the same about boots only she buys her's handmade - its an obsession but shes a psychiatrist so I expect obsession from her.

[bernie40]

I had to laugh at your cufflinks monkeyc!  I tend to go through these phases of buying the same things (not cufflinks!).  The other month it was jeans - I ended up with 14 pairs of jeans (I did get them off ebay though so not a big financial spend).  Before that it was almost an obsession with handbags.  Every time I went out I came back with a new handbag (fortunately not designer ones) and my husband was getting to a point where he no longer found it quirky.

The other strange thing I do is when I'm food shopping, I get a fixation that I need a particular item and keep buying that item for weeks to come - example: I ended up with 12 tins of tomatoes and was still adding them to the basket!

So like monkeyc, although I don't spend huge quantities of money nowadays i do still get fixations on items that I honestly don't need.

[monkeyc]

Its funny, I used to be a massive spender and then it changed and now I am not remotely but I do buy things a lot, they tend to be small inexpensive things - that seems to be my compulsion as I seem to always be buying little gadgets and stuff that don't server much of a purpose - I know when I am depressed as I end up shopping for things.  Perhaps this is why I buy small things?  who knows.

My wife has grown used to my quirks and knows if I go away for work Im going to come home with something Ive found, generally not expensive thank god - lately its been cufflinks for some reason though I do wear those every day which makes them semi sensible but what man needs 25 pairs?  I have at least 10 pairs of sunglasses I think as well...

I have no idea if this is BP or just an eccentricty - I do know that I dont make big purchases easily these days - I don't buy computers and the like unless I can get a tax write off on them for business..

Does anyone else get fixated as well?  You know when you go shopping for something and spend all day or multiple days trying to find the right thing going to shop after shop looking to the point where you become depressed if you cant find what you want?

My wife and I still do not speak or speak and change the subject quickly over one shopping trip to buy a brown jacket where I must have looked at every store in 5 shopping centers for the perfect jacket and she refuses point blank to shop for suits with me for the same reason.

[horselover65]

I know what you mean about having your parents with you. I do a little better when my husband is with me. He almost never says not to buy something, but he projects indifference about certain things and will ask why/if we need something. It's also good to have him with me because sometimes I have panic attacks in the store and sometimes I'll just be frozen or totally stuck trying to make a simple decision. I can end up in the same spot indefinitely. He had to come rescue me one time because I'd been in the same place for an hour, laughing hysterically and totally freaking out. I tend to panic in crowds and if I don't freeze, I can end up practically running through the store just chucking things in the basket. Anyway, it's usually better if I don't go alone.

My heart goes out to you. I was on a similar budget when I was in college - which took 8 or 9 years to complete. I always worked at restaurants so I would have food, but my income was very low. It was hard. I remember getting the electricity cut off during the summer in Dallas - where air conditioning is not a luxury. I think the toughest thing is that there are those moments when you almost can't breathe because you're worried about balancing the money and the bills. It's like you spend a lot of time holding your breath - or at least I did. Hang in there.

I had to smile when I read about the boots and socks because it is so familiar. I'm always on the lookout for good boots, but I also love socks. I used to buy tons of socks. I went through a period where I only wanted purple socks. I don't know what was up with that! I was looking for socks tonight. Tried two different stores. Nothing at the first store. We stopped at the other store and they didn't have any either, but I came home with two pairs of boots. Technically, I'm sure I don't need them. For years and years, I couldn't afford them and had no excuse to have them. Once we got horses and I started wearing them all the time, I started lusting after them big-time. Plus, when the first pair is 40% off and the second pair is 50% off, well it's hard to pass them up. I can rationalize and say the store is going out of business and I'd pay a lot more other places, yada yada yada. Truth is I couldn't resist them and then I liked one pair and he preferred the other pair, so...  I still don't have any socks. I'm halfway afraid to go looking for them now. God knows what I'll bring home!

I think the idea of shopping at the holidays makes the problem worse. It's like I get used to shopping and feel encouraged to shop. Trouble is that once the holidays end, I am still in shopping mode. I told my husband I shouldn't be allowed out unattended and that I'd give him my credit card except that I have the number memorized, LOL! What I need is a blizzard. I need to get snowed in for a couple of days until the urges pass. It was a blessing in disguise when we had internet trouble the past week. Kept me from shopping online. So, anyway, I know it's hard. This is the worst time of year for me in oh so many ways. Shopping is just the cherry on top.

[jexalexandra]

yah i know what you mean, i have the same problems, i spend my money on stupid things or stuff I don't need, and then wonder where all hte money had gone to. I get $760 per month since I'm on disability, and I have bills to pay, i have rent, i have petcard, i have  a loan, my phone bill, and stuff i cant remember all the bills i got lol. But often I only have like 200 or less left for the month and most of it goes toward my two buns. and cigarettes.

Occassionally I would miss a month or two from paying because I had spend all of it on something else and don't have enough money for the bills. Then its adds up and gets worse. No matter what I do, I try to control that and pay mybills every months, sometimes when I go to the store I ended up spending so much money. I get the highs from spending.

If my parents were with me, they would help a bit, to control my money, but if they arent with me, im outta control lol. Once I went to the store to buy a pair of boots for winter last November, as I needed new boots, then i thought, well I'll need socks too, and bought a whole bunch of socks. The bad thing about that is, I HATE SOCKS. I hate to wear socks or anything on my feet. Then after that I ended up buying a fleece pj.

ughh, lol.

[horselover65]

I have some problems with spending. I tend to panic and over-spend at certain times. It seems more situational with some things, but then there are other times that I'm in a store and can't seem to stop tossing things in the cart. Silly things, usually. I have found shopping online to be very dangerous. It is way too easy.

I always wonder how much of it is growing up very poor because it was really a wonder to me to be able to just go buy something without worrying about it before, during and after. I didn't marry until I was 29 and we struggled the first 4 or 5 years. I spent most of my life trying to adhere to a very strict budget and, as my mom would say, "borrowing from Peter to pay Paul". Everything was on a cash basis and when I finally got credit I went a little wild, I guess. It took 7 or 8 years for that to be fixed, so maybe 6 months of spending in my mid-20's really cost me/us a lot. We almost couldn't buy our first house because I still had bad credit.

We don't have a strict budget now, but we have a picture of how things should be. Some of our expenses fluctuate a lot, mostly due to the weather here. Our electric bill in the winter can be five times what it is in the summer. Part of that is my fault. I like it warm and the system is undersized, so it is working very hard. The positive is that all our vehicles are paid off and we pay off the credit cards every month. The negative is that we have no retirement, health insurance or life insurance. So, when I go on a spending spree, it is taking away from potential savings or costing us a vacation. I think I have somehow got enough control to limit myself to 4 or 5 big sprees a year, but my monthly shopping trip often gets out of hand. Luckily, I am mostly spending on things we'll eventually use and it is stocking up - or overstocking - that accounts for a lot of that money. I throw out expired food regularly and occasionally have to do the same with toothpaste, ointments, etc. We probably have 20 pairs of scissors. I can't stop buying them. Weird stuff.

I always think I'm knocking it down, but it pops up again. Worst time was when my husband set a generous vacation budget for my birthday. I worked out a way to have 2 separate and very different vacations. I was so excited. Over-excited. Well, the first one was coming up and I stopped by a jewelry store... The second trip never happened; we hadn't booked it yet, thank God. It made no sense. I'd been shopping at Goodwill for the first trip, then turned around and blew all that money at the jewelry store. It's an ongoing battle, I guess. Maybe the medication will help with this - eventually.

[Lizz67]

I have spending issues as well, but since I've been stable on meds for a while it's much better.  My big spending was done during serious manic episodes (almost bought a whole buiding once - no lie!).

I keep a budget of my fixed expenses, rent, electric, etc. and use a chart to keep track of when each bill is due and how it is to be paid, and how I actually paid it.

My other expenses just kind of get away from me.  I don't have a food or clothing budget.
Having my bills paid online has helped tremendously.  The auto withdrawl means it gets paid and I don't forget.
I also don't have any credit, so I can't go overboard that way anymore.

[bernie40]

I do try and budget.  I write myself household budgets and check them weekly to make sure I'm within our budget.  We don't have a lot of money due to previous over spends when manic and the fact that I no longer work and my husbands business is on the skids.

I don't tend to have the mad spends since I've been taking regular medication.  I have a few mini mad spends and then spend a month trying to sort out the mess but I have found having my budget works quite well.  Plus I can't get credit anymore so what I've got is all i've got.

[Bear13]

oh boy, budgeting is just a dream for me!  It was horrible.. when I was in my manic state, I ended up taking out over 6K from my 401K, to pay bills, have NO idea where that money went, ended up doing all these online payday loans, to the tune of about 3K, which, finally, they are almost all done paying....  

Spending excessively has always been an issue with me, but it wasn't until I realized that it had quite a bit to do with the bipolar, was I able to reign it in..somewhat, trust me, I still constantly struggle.. I make very good money, but really have no idea where it all goes, it really quite pathetic....

It's an ongoing struggle for me, and I don't really understand it too well.....

I know, LOL, no help here, but someone who can certainly relate

[LeftCoastChick]

Big time issues, I used to be very compulsive with my shopping, and ebay just pushed me over the edge. I've had to be really judcious in the sense, I have to ask myself is this a need or a want? I also usually go to back machine and get a certain amount out, and that is what I have to spend. I"m a compulsive shopper, and I almost became a compulsive gambler, I blew 250, which was for rent, never doing that again.  Sometimes you have to learn by the hard lesson, but once you've done that you just have to be firm with yourself. Meds can help to certain extent, but you still have a lot of work to do.
In hindsight, I've been a compulsive shopper since I was 20. You know you are when you get a second job just so you can buy more clothes lol!