Bipolar 2? Or not

[Lisa1207]

For several years, I went from too much sleep to not sleeping (going days on an hour to three of sleep/day). I also generally do not like people and always feel like I am getting used. I have few friends now. Noises have bothered me ever since I can remember. I dislike music as it is too much noise. I also can't stand people chewing if I don't have something in my mouth. I have problems with food- if it's not the right texture, the right smell, or if it doesn't look good, I won't eat, would rather starve. I am not really anorexic; my weight is normal for my height. My diet is mostly kid foods like Spaghetti O's, Macaroni and cheese, rice, spaghetti and chocolate shakes.
On and off for years, I have dabbled in smoking weed and drinking. I've had multiple sex partners. I began feeling depressed all the time, had massive mood swings, and had racing thoughts. When I  was fired from my job of seven years, I decided to see a doctor. He prescribed Celexa 20 mg. I took it for three weeks without noticing any change. This was in 1/07.
He increased it to 40 mg. Four days later, I had a massive panic attack while driving. Initially my heart was racing, couldn't breathe, my arms were shaking, and there were noises all around. Everything went white- I couldn't see. Somehow, I managed to get off the interstate and pull into a parking lot. It stopped after nearly twenty minutes. I preceded to have four more in the next two days before I was able to get into my doctor again. Nothing seemed to provoke them... I could be sitting watching tv and have one. My racing thoughts increased as well, and I began hearing people in my head. I could never understand the "voices", and they sure were not telling me to harm anyone. I began feeling crazy. I was shaky all the time, very paranoid, and had difficulty going anywhere other than dropping kids off at school. I didn't sleep for a week.
My doctor told me that it sounded like I was having bipolar tendencies. He said that certain anti-depressants can trigger or bring bipolar to the surface. He took me off Celexa and prescribed Wellbutrin 100 mg once a day, Seroquel 25mg at night, and Ativan 1mg three times a day. Over the next months, we kept increasing the doses until I felt more normal. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. I am taking Wellbutrin 200mg twice/day, Seroquel 200 mg at night, Ativan 2 mg as needed and Tranxene as needed for anxiety. I was okay- not necessarily happy but not depressed, until about a month ago. I get the shaky arms every once in a while.
Now the depression has hit hard again. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die. I am back to sleeping a lot for a week and not at all for a week, back and forth. My mood swings are worse. I'm easily agitated. I haven't been able to call the doctor because I don't want to. I have a strong desire to go to airport and dissappear, but I know I can't because I can't leave my children. I've started driving long distances and not realizing it- I drove nearly 100 miles away before I "woke" up a few days ago.  Ha ha I am rambling and this is exactly how my brain is going.
I really don't believe I am bipolar. Is this denial or is my doctor wacky? My husband agrees with the doctor.

[angelinamarina]

Hi,
sorry you are going through this.  Are you still taking your meds?  I am sorry to say that it does sound like you are bi-polar.  You should call your doc.  The nature of bi-polar is to not want to take the meds or call the doc.

btw- i have panic disorder  and bi-polar runs in my family.  It SUCKS!

Maybe you are on the wrong dosage of meds.

Things will bet better.  Call your doc- your kids NEED you.

-Angi

[Venora Moonwind]

you are in denial. it is hard to accept bi polardx at first.I know I fought it for a long time.Please call your doctor and see about getting therapy to help you deal with this. you dont have to suffer this way . there is hope for you to lead a normal life inspite of bi polar.I am on celexa and zyprexa and I it works great for me. you are in my prayers
Love Venora