A Weary Wife

[Nessie48]

My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in our first year of marriage and it was devastating to me.  His mother didn't want him to remain married and even gave me an ultimatum--she suggested that I go home to my mother and he come home with her (she still had him attached to her apron string and didn't want to let go). There were times I felt like giving up and I often worried that he would have another mood episode. I constantly watched him in hopes that he was OK, sometimes forsaking what I was feeling (mad, tired, drained, and often having to take the load) to keep him calm and not argue.  

Thanks to our faith in God, our marriage has been build on trust and good communication. He has learned to cut his mother's apron string and we have grown in our relationship.  It helps him to be able to spend quality time with me--to talk and express our feelings openly (it took some time, but we are there).   It has now been 24 years, and I am still with my husband today.  My husband overcame the worst of his struggle in the first 5-10 years of our marriage. Through all the constant mood swings...days he could not work...moving too fast...bad financial decisions...I stayed by his side.

Today, he is able to function on his job without taking off except when he feels he need to rest.  He has learned to slow down and pace his self, he takes his medicine as prescribed, and keeps his quarterly appointments with his therapist.  However, our financial situation has suffered through the years, we have always tried to follow a budget, but our finances seem to be more than we can bear sometimes.  Partially due to his changing jobs over the years, his spontaneous spending habits, frequent moves form one place to another, and bad decisions made mostly by him.  We have lost one house (mostly due to his lay off at Delta in 2001), we have lost several cars when he was laid off, or changed jobs, and he has not be able to make the salary he once made in real estate and Delta.  This has affected hmi greatly becuase he feels that he struggles to provide for his family.  

I am stressed out trying to keep things going and sometimes get mad because I feel I don't deserve to be stressed out like this.  I know my husband tries hard. He is very supportive, a good father to our adoptive daughter whose 9 years old, and he has always gotten excellent reviews on his jobs, but he struggles with stability.  What can I do? Can I expect the rest of my life to be this way with a bipolar husband?

[moonmystic]

I know this is difficult.  I am bipolar I with borderline personality disorder and panic disorder.  It is hard to hold down a job without a very supportive boss.  Fortunately, I have found one who gets it.  My partner is supportive, as well.  And I'm sure she feels the stress.  But she now calls me out on my behavior.  And, believe it or not, that has helped because I generally don't realize I'm being an a&&.  I would suggest you find a compassionate, but firm therapist who can help you both through the rough times.

Also, if you haven't read "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jamison Parker, you might want to pick up a copy at your local Barnes & Noble bookstore.  My partner read it prior to us getting serious about our relationship because I wanted her to fully understand what she was getting herself into.  It has helped her through the difficult times and she has referred back to it often.

Cindi

[Venora Moonwind]

it would be beneficial to you both to seek therapy so you can deal with his bi polar and learn the tools neede to overcome it. It will help with his stability..
I am now 10 years at my job because of my meds and therapy. this is the longest I have ever held a job because of my bi polar.
he can be stable with therapy and meds.
Love Venora