BP & Sexual Promiscuity

[BeeKeeper]

Please understan that I am not trying to use BP as an excuse, but for anyone that has been affected by this side of BP, I'd really like to hear your thoughts.  I've had a history of sexual promiscuity over the past 20 years - either emotional or physical.  Until recently diagnosed with severe depression and then BP, and until I started really - daily - tracking what's going on with me, did I give this pattern any thought.  Needless to say it has ruined a marriage and relationships and has been the catalyst for many suicidal thoughts.

The pattern has been when I get into a depressed place I turn for "comfort" to someone I want to believe can help...unfortunately it has not been the person I should be turning to like my spouse.  These actions are not planned or premediated, but more of an action of opportunity and desperation.  It is absolutely not a reflection of my love for my spouse..it's just a reaction...something I can't explain nor excuse.  I have always been extremely sorry for my actions after the fact...and part of my depression now is that I can not forgive myself for the things i've done and the people i've hurt.

So the questions I would ask:
. How do you forgive yourself for this behavior?
. How do you "bend" this emotion/reaction to where you turn to the right person?
. Past history has repeated itself so many times that even though I know it is wrong, i'm scared of being in any relationship for fear of this happening again.  What do i do with that?

As always to the folks here who have helped me get a handle on this relatively new diagnosis, your thoughts are appreciated.

[tiblings]

My wife forwarded this link to me cause she feels she is BP and has done many of the things described here. I have tried to help her with this, been very patient with her, told her that it is not her fault, the first step is to admit to what happened and never to sweep thing under the carpet, told her she need to come to terms with what has happened. I have my faults too, working too much, watching movies to distract my thoughts from work and sometimes even low self esteem. I have told her all this and asked her to be patient with me too. But, it never happens and she ends up bugging me while i work or try to relax. That leads to other issues and finally end up with her being depressed. I have tried for over ten years now to help her. But she refuses to help her self. I have also felt that she judges me or compares me to all the other people who have affected her life. As a result we have never been able to have a fulfilling relationship. She is my first and i have, despite all odds and opportunities, been faithful to her. i have also believed in being honest with her and tell her everything. this year was the worst we have had, with a new job that kept piling more responsibilities,etc... and she began breaking that trust, first by being precocious, cyber sex, etc... i tried to be supportive even during this and offered to do it together and for her not to chat with people she knew. We were going through a rough patch and agreed to work thing out, but before long she finally had sex with first, her e-boyfriend and then with a guy she had met at a friends b'day party (who i advised her not to keep in touch with as i knew where it would lead to). Even after that, i tried to be supportive and said lets be honest with each other and not do this any more. Again she continued to flirt and be promiscuous, making friends online, etc.. and discussing her sexuality with them. i have come to a point now where i cannot be  bothered with her or our relationship. I am tired of this.

[vsantos]

ADVICE Please!!!
   To continue my story....my husband of 12 years is still getting out of his very first manic Episodes, still going through medication trials (Abilify did not work for him). He is still delusional and very angry at me.
   In less than 2 weeks he said he was leaving the house, packed his stuff, then changed his mind and said he was staying and then today said we need to get a lawyer.
  What do I do? He is in no shape to make any decisions, and the 'funny' part is, we've been together for 12 years and have a 2 year old but we are NOT legally married. He is not thinking straight and getting a lawyer will only make his situation worse, he's got all odds against him....do I just let him get the lawyer?????
   The worst part is, he found a NEW 'best' friend who is almost as ill as he is and she is putting some of these crazy ideas in his head...
  Anyone any advice...

[Alex_X_18]

I was diagnosed with BP at age 11,.....
I used to feel like I looked at sex differently back when the BP was under poor control,.....I can't quite be sure the reason because yes I was a deal younger but I think I may have been hypersexual at the time....I though about sex alllll day to the point where I felt like it was starting to interfear with my dialy life such as my grades and foucus durringh school and other activities....I talked about sex alot to the point where other females in my age group thought I was weird...I had a steady boyfriend for over three years who I loved but I cheated on him constantly....it was far less of an emotional thing than it was people I pulled 1 nighters with......I felt like that if I went to long without sex that I had no other option than to cheat on my boyfrend basicly I would get so stimulated and pent up I couldn't control myself even if I thought it was wrong whenever he said no to me (which was incredibly rare) I would glare at him and say "well where lese am I supposed to get it if you won't give me any"....so basicly I had I've had about 10 one night stands and fooled around with 5 others (over a period of 2-3 years) with no connection whatsoever (outside of some of them being my friends) (3 of the people I one nighted were even related to each other ((all in the same age group though))
but yeah just plainly for sex some of these people I wasn't  even really all that attracted to simply just to satisfy my craving at the time....and beleive me their are  quite a few others who I would have one nighted had I been given the oppertunity
My guy friends frequently confided in me about cheating on their girl friends as well in fact sometimes I was even slutty enough to agree with what their doing.......
recently my endrochronologist told me something .....that I have extra male horrmone (outside of the BP I mean) and it showed up on my blood test he said for this reason that I need to be on the birth control pill
sometimes I owunder if this was a contributing factor towards the was I was hypersexual,.....

It must have just been hormones themselves back then because fianally I started feeling less sexually frustrated as I got older.... I can relate what its like to feel pent up and that you can't be loyal or conservative the feelings of guilt shame torment you but then you go out again and do it the next week.......it really bites and I'm soo glad I don't feel frustrated any longer

I would suggest medication for a treatment to help calm your nerves and hormones
maybe some herbal rmemdies,.....acupuncture can also hellp chill you out because I've been to an scupuncturist a couple times (it really works) if not and you really feel like you are still hyper sexual possibly seeing a therapist could help

[ILADVOCATE]

Best to wait until things are stabilized with him and then have a conversation about it afterwards. Relationship therapy is good as well. Right now he sounds quasi-delusional and can't really understand what's going on so wait until his medications are stabilized before you decide what to do. Just my opinion.

[vsantos]

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
   Long story short. My beautiful husband who is 44 years old, whom I've been married with for 12 years (we also have a 2 year old) just 2 months ago was diagnosed with Bipolar Dis. (he tried to commit suicide and went into a full blown Mani Episode, hallucination and all).
   He has been on Depakote for 1 month and started on Risperdal 2 weeks 1/2 ago (started on Abilify but it made his symptoms worse).

    He was sexually abused as a child. Suffered from depression all his life.
    So I've been living this 'Hell' for about 2 months now. My husband thinks we are divorced. He says we're living in this same house but as roommates (his thoughts are still extremely confused, very little concentration...but I do see some minor changes for better). His doctors can't talk to me due to patients confidentiality (my husband didn't authorize them to talk to me). My husband hates me right now, and thinks I'm the reason he is sick (keep in mind we've had 12 years of a beautiful, loving, respectful relationship.
    And here is my questions. I do understand most of what goes on with BP and all the behaviors and I am willing to give the meds time to see him get better. But having a 2 year old in the middle of all this is complicated.
    My husband sleeps outside the house, comes back home at 7am (did that for the past 2 days) and I'm pretty sure he's with another woman---in our 12 year of relationship I NEVER had problems with infidelity (he ahs always been a completely honest/transparent man).
         But this behavior is killing me, just the thought he is out there with another woman. So this week I'm thinking about telling him to leave the house for good. This situation is making me very sick! But I also feel very guilty to leave the man I love at a time I know he is sick.
    PLEASE, any thoughts are welcome. Should I give the meds more time to work? Should I make 'temporary' arrangements for him to stay some place while his is on treatment and eventually have him back at the house????
       I'm desperate!!!

[KayD12]

I too have a problem with this, when I start feeling meaningless to my boyfriend and feel as if he does not give me enough attention. I'll break up with him knowing I will be back and turn to someone for the attention I felt was lacking with the one I really loved. He[my boyfriend] can not understand the way I am feeling, and a lot of times I say Its just me and the way I think, although that may not actually be the reason. So I let all the the feelings and emotions build up until I run away. This happens like every 7 months. Usually around this time of year I take off, I tell him that I am not happy and I leave. I am very needy for affection from him, he just does not get it. He is the only thing that changes the way I feel. When I feel depressed and alone all he has to do is hug me and I feel vibrant again. It's weird. And I'm sure this may not sound like the same situation but I have a hard time explaining things. I get the urge to find what I am needy for in someone else. This has caused a lot of heart ache to both of us. I have been at the point to leave a few times but I keep fighting it off. Pushing all that I feel as deep as I can. But I know it is all going to spew out sooner or later. I'm afraid of it.