Hopeless is a very familiar feeling to me too. The amount of time it takes to find the right med or med combo is so frustrating. I'm still searching. The key is to not give up and keep searching for that right med to help. Some other things you might try to help you to feel better is meditation, yoga and or walking. I know very well how hard these things can be to do due to lack of motivation. It takes the right time to make that first step.
I can relate to you in so many ways. However I am on medications and still not feeling like I am doing much better. I am feeling hopeless at this point!
That is why I never took meds before. I self-medicated with opiates, but never liked AD's or antipsychotic drugs. I tried them a few times and didn't want to get used to that feeling. I love the euphoric bursts if productivity, creativity, and energy. I am tired of losing control and it effecting others. I would love to find a way to see the big picture as positive. Before I had kids that is exactly how I viewed it, like being special and inspiring. I am sober and battling to keep that view.
How do you manage, when manic exhaustion leads to anger or an overwhelmed state of defeat. I was the sole bread winner for 12 yrs, I can't just retreat or do what I want. People depend on me being the stable one, Ha!!! My wife started working again last week, to give me some wriggle room. I am still trying to hold onto appreciation of the good parts. Are you forced to interact with strangers and maintain a lot of responsibilities through your cycles? How do you do it?
I am supposed to get a call from a therapist today, I know they will offer me drugs. I was told that I can pick a drug and try it, they will make suggestions, but it will be up to me. I feel stable right now, I can hardly believe it will come back. I feel a little up and down in my thinking all the time. I go of the deep end 4-5 times a year. I am convinced I am type 1. 1-2 times a year I really loss control. I am trying to find balance or a way to fit bipolar into my life, something has to give. I am an obsessive person by nature, my focus is intense and useful at times.
How have you managed to keep positive about it? I am sick of confusing my family and losing opportunities.