confront

[Bree_05_15]

How do i confront my husband nd tell him that hes being very hurtful lately as far as name calling ? I try to take the last advice someone told me on here he said write down things as they r happening nd i have when he calls me a name i go to my calendar click add nd write it hes done it on 2 days 1 day i forgot to put it . He has stopped his meds for a month now nd smokes he says it helps he always finds some way to raise his voice...:(

[Bree_05_15]

Thank you

[CRSeaside]

My example wasn't raising voice, but the dreaded "I never said that ". About something really important like selling my cottage in the high. Desert. We were also watching a video, & he said I bet you couldn't even get the price of your car ( Porsche) for this crappy house. You ought to just sell it. I didn't even know it was on the video.
Now, who has Bi polar? Just him? And he is not on his meds? Before he can stop yelling you may need to further address the noncompliance. There are also Support Groups available to family members of Bipolars. If you love in a big city, you'll find a map on the web site DBSA.   Pamela

[Anonymouse88]

You could try phrasing it as a joint thing.  There's an exercise where you separately write down concerns/problems you have with the other person, and then exchange them.  Keep the statements to "I" statements, as in "I feel hurt when you call me [insert hurtful name he's been using]" or "I'm concerned that you haven't been taking your meds, and I feel [worried about you, scared about what it will mean for our relationship, etc.]".  This helps keep you from sounding accusatory.  The rules are also that each person gets to talk UNINTERRUPTED before the other person responds.  And responses have to be on topic--no bringing up past things that have nothing to do with that concern.  Or you can just trade sheets and then take turns responding.  Doing this as a pair might help him feel included and keep him from feeling like you're nagging him, even if he's really the only one with a problem.  The key to this is that each person keeps to the rules.  

[Bree_05_15]

So she video recorded u while u were mad nd showed u while u were calm? See i want to tell him but be freaks out easily

[weaver71]

My wife caught me on phone video, waited for me to be calm, then showed me her video of me and we discussed her list. I think that was the first time I was able to hear and see what she was saying. Not sure if the method or to sing was most important, probably both. Talking to me while manic was never helpful. If I remember right, I was actually the one bringing up that I get so frustrated sometimes. This is a tough call, let is know how he responds when you try to talk about it.