Complacency and recognition

[muppetfan]

Hi,
My husband has been diagnosed with BP. He takes Lamictal, Depakote, and Clonadine. He sees a psychiatrist one time a month, and that is it. I tried going to a counselor myself last year to be an example, without pushing the subject. Although it has been great for me, he seems to be O with where he is, although I have had 6-8 months last year that he was in a hypomanic state where talking was impossible. Now that he seems to be well, I have written a letter to him since talking about this topic just makes him ANGRY and verbally aggressive and critical. It hurts me and my children to live in such a negative environment. He seems to be complacent with where he is and does not think that that therapy will do anything since he already sees a "doctor" why else should he see someone, he says. Will I just have to live this roller coaster or will he EVER want to go? Is there anyway to intervene without being demanding or hurtful. He has in the past called me micromanaging and like his mom. I have been that way b/c I felt as though I had to protect the family and the mom thing, Well, he was acting like a child and seems to still do so. It is like living with 3 children. I am tired of being the caretaker, bread winner, mother, dinner maker, chore doer, project manager, bill payer, etc. I guess I am just tired and need some more strength and courage to continue on,,,,if you can help.

[bernie40]

Hi,

Is your husband stable at the moment?  From what I've read it would appear that he is relatively stable and the only time he gets angry is when you suggest therapy/counselling.  You need to be careful not to mix in the "what has happened" with the "what is happening now".  When you talk about the 6 - 8 months where he was hypomanic, was he on medication at that time?

It may be that your husband is just not ready to take the next step into counselling.  He see's his psych once a month and that's good.  I have been taking medication for the last 2 years and been riding the rollercoaster whilst trying to get the correct dose and meds etc.  My psych has said that until I am more stable she does not consider me ready to start therapy.

You cannot force a person to go to therapy and to be honest with you I think I would lose my temper if someone was trying to make me do something I didn't want to do.

It is true that good management of BP requires both meds and therapy but perhaps the psych is assessing your husband carefully before suggesting the step on to talk therapy.

I have all the job titles that you have with the exception of breadwinner.  I think those tend to fall on women regardless of whether a partner has mental health issues.  In this house I'm the one with the mental health issues but I still wear all the hats.  I agree its damn tiring and very frustrating - certainly a thankless job.

[muppetfan]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I was wrong regarding the med clonidine, it is the generic for Klonopin, which is what you had referred to  in the message. He is supposed to take it at night and in the morning to keep him evened out. I know he does not. He seems to take it as needed, according to him. I know when he takes it at night, bc he always snores and is knocked out quickly afterwards.

[ILADVOCATE]

Depakoate and Lamictal are standard mood stabilizers. Clonidine (assuming you mean that not the anti-anxiety agent Klonopin) is not. That can often bring on depression and for that reason its not used much. That happenned to me and a fair amount of people. Its a blood pressure medication that has heavy side effects and unless its being prescribed for that purpose you could speak to his psychiatrist with him about changing it to see if that's the cause.
  As for his general recovery issues he does have to come to terms with anger even if it comes from bipolar. You should speak to his psychiatrist with him but present it in a concerned manner, not as if you are angry at him, even though you have the right to be. And if he is impacting on the family overall especially the children with any aggressive or controlling behavior it has to stop wherever its coming from. That's what medication and talk therapy and for and he could use behavioral therapy as well to manage anger episodes which may be an agitated mixed state which is the down feeling of depression but the speeded up quality of mania. I've seen it happen in many people including myself before I recovered from schizoaffective disorder.