I would like to learn how to cope with family and friends. I had a Mayor Depression diagnosis for 14 years . They have just trying with Lamictal to look for any improvement as suspecting of bipolar. For years my sufering has grown till the point I donot want to leave any more. I am planning to get everithng ready (things around) to leave, I was under Nortriptiline, Effexor, Enalapril plus HCL.old weather has been really bad for my health I came for some months to a tropical country and spend time with family and friends here but I call and feel home Canada. Being here I ve got a new opinion of a pdoctor, she thikns I am Bipolar with a wrong diagnosis for years. I can not find Nortriptiline here so I am using Amitriptiline, Effexor, Lamictal... my blood preassure started going up since Lamictal, so they added Amlodipine to the enalapril. Amitriptiline is awful to me, side efects are terrible to me. So., 9 days ago I stopped off all the pills but hb preassure ones (did it gradually). I feel now different, I can not tell that worse than befor when under tons of pills, but different. I feel anger, crying, happy, changing moods suddendy along day. But I keep overall a sense of strength I did not have before. I used to be sumissive in past... I can express now what I feel or get my opinions out no mater who is "offended" or affected. I donot reay offend people, I only want to deffend myseflfrom people who have been ofending and abusing of me my enti e life ( This idea is real and discussed ith my pdocs). I was taken to emergency ment hosp to be agreesive braking some kitchen plactic utensils and destroing them hitting them against the floor until almost desapear, then I use a abig charping knife to fisnish my work while feeling pleassure imaging those stuff were two bodies from 2 people I hate (for really important and real reasons). Any way, after that event, I guess I am on high now, I would like to stay there, I am feel strong enough to deal with abusers ( most in my family). I could not do that in my whole life before. I forgot to tell you I am on taffil now after the emrgency appointment until the appoinment this pdoct in a few days. I donot want to use any pill any more, except my blood pressure ones, I donot now how 2 manage this situation. I know i will finish my last days in a mental institution or kill myselft tostop this suffering with no description. Most of you know it, I am sure. BUt I wantto hear ur opinion. I donot want to spend therest of my life depending of meds to barely control my mood. Sorry for redaction writting, poor concentration now.
Best wishes for you all. Hugs.