I was diagnosed 8 years ago while overseas under questionable circumstances. since then I've lost the only job I ever really wanted, my marriage, and my relationship with my 2 grown sons, all self respect and confidence.
At the time i was diagnosed I was admittedly depressed because of some extraordinary circumstances. I was voluntarily hospitalized and determined bipolar II and placed on lithium. The diagnosis seemed to be based on family history more than symptoms (I have never had a manic episode).
I have had 2 rounds testing (computerized profiles), in 2004 and the other just recently. Neither showed a bi-polar profile; as a matter of fact the last was judged "normal" by both of my doctors.
I have been off of my lithium (by dr's orders) for about three weeks now with no ill effects. Yet, at my last visit on Thur. my doc seemed unwilling to say that I was misdiagnosed or that I'm not bi-polar. Why?
It is hard to imagine the damage that just being diagnosed bp has done mentally, emotionally and relationally the last 8 years. To be perfectly frank I'VE allowed it to ruin my life. It's only in the last few months that I've decided that with God's help and strength I will go forward. sadly, there is no one but God left to go forward with.
Although it shouldn't make a difference, it is somehow important to me that my mental health is validated by others. When I shared this with my psych. he offered to say whatever i was I needed to hear; that I appeared normal and testing supported this conclusion but that if I needed counseling to help me rebuild my life he schedule was booked until the end of Nov. and the holidays were always a b ad time. What am I supposed to think about that?
On the positve side I'm approaching this carefully. I have been open and honest with longtime friends and asked them to keep watch on my moods and behavior just in case I in fact am BP. I have meds on hand so that if symptoms do appear I can start them immediately.
Much self doubt here. If I'm in fact not BP I must take personal responsibilty for where I am in my life now. If not, this has been a nic e rspite but when will I implode? We'll see.
Any insites you might provide are truly appreciated.