Does it ever end?

[Tyzer33]

Some of the older people on this site mite be able to help me with this question. Im wondering if it ever ends being up and down and struggling so much im only 23, ive been diagnosed with bp for about a year but have suffered from it for much longer, have any off you who have suffered from this illness for many years ever managed to have a lenghty period of normality? Im on 375mg of effexor and 300mg of serouquel i also seem to get a lot of the side effects plus ive been one of the unlucky ones in 10,000 that effexor causes me to have random seizures. Neways the point being behind this im pretty sure one day that bp is going to cost me my life probably sooner rather than l8r even though the doctors say not many people manage to come back from the dark places ive been once never mind twice, im a proper fighter but i know theres no way i can go on like this for another year never mind the rest of my life especially with all the other complcations that bp brings with it ie being treated like you have the plague, crazy side effects and other nasty things like self harm. Can anyone offer me some advice as to how they have managed to control there bp effectively enough so they can try and live a life? Thanks

[RubyShooz]

If you are truly bipolar like many of us, how can you say we are too self-focused.  And criticize us if we think we are the only ones in the world who are suffering with it?  And you say "it is not that rough"!  Maybe you are different but it IS rough for me and I need to focus on myself in order to get through each day in one piece.  None of my friends or family suffer with this disease and they do not understand it, so yes, I do feel as if I am the only one in the world who is suffering with it.  That's why I come to these message boards, to chat with others in the same boat and exchange ideas, feelings, information.  It makes me feel not so alone.
I do feel sorry for people in other times or in other parts of the world, but maybe it is selfish of me but I am concerned with me, and others like me, who are in treatment for bipolar and doing our best to manage it with meds and with help from our doctors.

[lynnkay]

You have been given good advice from people that are bipolar. I am 51 and I have been bipolar for many years. Was diagnosed probably around 30. But, knew  years before diagnosis, that somehow I was "different". Even after diagnosis, took me some years, to come to terms with being bipolar. Would go on and off my meds. Finally, I did come to terms with it. After 5 hospitalizations and 3 suicide attempts. Been told by several psychiatrists, that it is a life long illness. I been on a number of different meds. It is a matter of finding the right combination that works. Currently, I am stable or stable as I can get. And I am doing alright. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday I was down in the dumps, but today I feel fairly good. I currently am on Celexa and Valium. I cannot tolerate the antipsychotic drugs. But that is me. I know and understand well how being bipolar can effect your life. Suicide is never the answer. I tried it 3 times and I am very thankful that my attempts failed. I will never attempt again and I can say that with all honesty. I have children and small grandchildren. For me to end my life, I would be leaving them a tragedy to deal with and a terrible legacy. Writing a journal is a good idea. Talking to a counselor, a friend or a close family member is definitely a very good idea. Mental health issues are coming out of the dark ages so to speak. Back in my day, it was taboo to mention mental illness. But I do understand, that people still react to mental illness like it is the plague, as you mentioned in your post. In my opinion and in my experiences, it is people like that, that usually judge, that have some serious issues themselves. Who needs them. But, dont you give up. Please. I have lived with this for many years. There has been dark times I will admit. But, there has been good times as well. I just was not long ago diagnosed with COPD. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease and having health issues with it. I think isnt being bipolar enough. But, I have been dealt this hand and I plan on hanging in there. You do the same. Please take care of yourself. This is a great forum to come to, if and when you need it. We are always here for you.

[btsmith]

  I am almost 60 years old now and looking back at some of the stuff I pulled befor being diagnosed with bp makes me wonder why I am still alive, but I am.  "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" stuff.  I notice in this forum especially the focus of drugs and how they work on the mind, but let me assure you that for every drug action there is a drug reaction, always.  I think alot of it has to do with the drug world we live in.  Befor being diagnosed as a b-per I used alcohol to regulate myself, a little more to bring me down, a little less to take me up, but the only problem with that is you become an alcoholic.  Then it took me years to convince my doctors that "no something is wrong with me, really".  They would say "your using that as an excuse to drink."
  With twenty-five years of therapy and medications gone by I have come to the conclusion that many people with mental disorders (and bi-polar isn't even a mental disorder, it's a chemical imbalance)  think that they and their psychosis are the only ones in the world.  What is the benchmark? It is somewhere between Charlie Manson and Martha Stewart.  The desire to be unique in this world sometimes gets so focused into the single individual that they can't see the big picture. How do b-pers manage in Sri Lanka?  Well they just do.  That's how.   During the war of 1812,  how did b-pers manage if they were on a frigate in the Atlantic protecting New York harbor.  Well they just did.  That's how.
  In conclusion, let's not get too self focused,  it is not that rough.  The mind can play cruel tricks on individuals especially bi-polar individuals.  Look to the horizon, maybe there is something else out there that is worth thinking about on this particular day.

[RubyShooz]

Linda, my name is Linda, too.  I so agree with you.  I also hate life itself and if my life ended tomorrow I wouldn't care.  I hope I'm strong enough not to take my own life, but deep inside I do have a plan of how I would do it if things ever became unbearable.  That gives me comfort, knowing I have a plan for a way to end my pain, even though I hope I never have to do it to myself.

[determined2beatit]

Hi Tyronne,
I was 30 years old before I was diagnosed with Bipolar! I was one of those people you talked about out partying and having a great time! And boy did I party!!
Bipolar can show up in anyone's life at anytime. My doc told me that sometimes a traumatic situation will bring out bipolar in a person that doesn't even know they have it. That was me! I know it's a lonely life.....I've had it now for 17 years, that I know of and it requires getting to know it, not being afraid of it and just mentally pulling yourself through each episode. A Lot of work...Yes! Sometimes I still can't handle it but what choice do we have? Suicide is NOT the answer! I tried it and failed!! That's when I knew that I had a purpose in this miserable life and despite what I wanted, God had another plan for me. I have two children that I have raised on my own and struggled with my demons. Deep down inside, I hate life!!! On the surface, I have two kids that love and need me so I won't let them down again. I want to be happy and love life but have no control over my emotions. I just fight through it every time and know that I am a good mom to my kids and have a purpose here....for now. If my life ended tomorrow, I wouldn't care...but I won't try to take my life again...ever!
Please hang in there...it DOES get easier with time, because you get to know it all so well. In time, you will never embrace bipolar but you will be strong enough to know that you can overcome it. After 17 years, it's never easy but at this point...there aren't any surprises either. Been hospitalized several times ect. after awhile you learn that the sun comes up every day no matter how you feel and life goes on. So try to find some peace in your mind and at least laugh and enjoy some part of the ride...no matter how small! As you say, walking through hell... someday we will be free of this pain forever! But in the meantime...don't let it BEAT YOU!!

LInda

[Tyzer33]

Thanx everyone for replying, i have had my thyroid checked a few times, ive seen a lot of councellors thought the funding for the self harm councellor i was seeing was cancelled by the nhs unbelievable seeing no1 else in belfast specialises in it or even will take on that kind of councelling. Most of the things you have said i already do a gd diet, keep busy with intrests, exercise etc and i read a lot about bp which is good to know im along the right track with these having worked for you. I think i just find it very difficult at this age as i dont know anyone else my age with it and its difficult and even quite crushing when everyone my age is out partying most of the time and just leading pretty normal lives and i spend most of my weeks seeing doctors,nurses,councellors,shoving tablets down my neck which make me sick etc and trying to fight a continuious battle with bp. I sometimes just feel that life is passing me by and as i posted before its a lonely life for me with bp. Thanks again for your posts. Tyronne

[Tink70]

It's just a roller coaster ride, my friend!  I was diagnosed in 2005 (I realize now that I've been BiPolar my whole life, though!) and I finally accepted it in 2008!  I'm a recovering alcoholic and a diabetic on top of it with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia!  POOP!  Good Days and Bad Days!  I have tried many different meds and might have to try more but for now - Topomax and Seroquel are doing the job!  And if I thought I wasn't BiPolar (with pyschotic features to boot!) before then I can't deny it now cause I'm responding to the meds!  Barribjorn is right, though.  Militaristic order!  I really want to be one of those persons that is just "fly by the seat of my pants" and for a long time I WAS!  And it got me into a whole lot of trouble but I gotta have order or this imbalance in my brain will suck the life from me!  I'm still not stable but its a lot better and I have side effects that I don't really want but the alternative is WORSE!  Feeling bat **** crazy all the time is WORSE!  Going into delusional, hallicuinatory rages is WORSE!  Being so depressed that I want to just die is WORSE!  Being so Manic that I want to just jump in the car and drive to another state or buy $1000 worth of **** or have sex with anyone I see is WORSE!  AA has kept me sober for 2 1/2 years even off the meds and helped me accept the diagnoses but the meds make everything else better and I have a great PDoc and a great counselor  cause this dang imbalance in my brain aint going away!  I was born with it and I gotta learn to live with it but it doesn't have to control me.  Find a support group - get a counselor that knows about Bi Polar Disorder - read, read, read (and not just those cranked up books on all the crazy stuff that bipolars do!  read about the ones that are stable like Patty Duke) (My personal fav is BI POLAR DISORDER DeMYSTIFIED)  It can get better but remember:  You are gonna have bad days.  There is just no gettin' around it.  You can't medicate away years of unhealthy emotional states and bad coping mechanisms.  You can RELEARN to live life on life's terms, though!
Hope all goes well

[Barribjorn]

My advice is communication. Keep that line always open best you can. Learn to communicate the way you feel, let the doctors know what is going on no matter how trivial it might sound specially since the meds seem to be doing you less than a favor. Stay on them and do as the doctor says of course. Talk the best you can to family and friends. Use a counselor if you get the chance.

Then there is order. Militaristic order can help a BP mind. Something that channels your energy, like a hobby or sport. I am going to take my love for building things and doing green things and make bird houses for example. I used to do Kendo, health in other areas has slowed me there.

I also thought that keeping a journal as best you can, you will start to see patterns in both the good and bad and ways to formulate treatment. Talk to your doc about the journal idea. They might want to see it.

I am in my mid 30's had my first break years ago, started getting treatment at 24....

I can't say it will be easy, or over soon. BP is life long, you have to learn to make it a Long Life. Think about that, you have people that care....  

[RubyShooz]

Just hang in there.  I'm 59 yrs. old and been struggling with depression and bipolar for 35 years.  There have been really low times, and other times when I felt almost normal.  Yes, it is frustrating and sometimes seems hopeless, but you can get through it with your psychiatrist's help.  Just today I asked my doc if I am doomed to fight this for the rest of my life, and all I seem to read about is bipolar people who do really crazy things, they have to be hospitalized, suicide, and all the other bad stuff.  He said that with proper medication most people can stabilize and live healthy, somewhat normal lives.  We are not all doomed to failure or suicide.  So keep a positive attitude and know that you are not alone, all of us here on these boards are with you and wishing you all the best.
Hugs,
Ruby

[Venora Moonwind]

    bp will only cost you life if you let it. you probably havent found the right combo of meds yet as you have only been officially bp for a year now. Lifestyle changes have to be made for diet and exercise as well as meds and therapy. You didnt mention if you were in therapy but this is a very important part of kicking bi polar.
Diet 6small meals a day with lots of fruit ,veggies, grain and lean meats 3oz per meal of meat.
exercise, even walking briskly for at least 30 minutes a day will help you with mood stablization. I also like to lift weights.
NO caffiene and no sugar as these aggravate bi polar.
therapy and meds.
I have been bi polar all my life. (almost 51 as of next week) DX in 98 I have been stable for the last 7 years by following these protocals. It WORKS!! I am on a low dose of zyprexa and celexa. These 2 meds have been great for me.
Now let me ask you if you have had your thyroid checked? It is soo improtant to have the thyroid checked out before going with a bi polar dx. Hypothyroid and hyperthyroid will give you all the bi polar syptoms . I get really aggravated that most docs reg mds andpsychiatrysts dont check this first.
You can beat bi polar Educate yourself as much as you can about it .  Learn how you body works and treat it with respect and care by feeding it healthy and exercising it. Do creative things for your soul
Never,never ,never give up
Love Venora