Easter Sunday

[LetaB]

  Once apon a time Easter really meant something to me. Not just in a religious sense but a family celebration. A tribute to spring. Every kid (and mom) had to have new pastel clothes and hats! (I love hats) We spent a whole day care fully hand decorating each individual egg together at the table. The Easter baskets had biodegradable grass and every kind of really good candy with each of my four children getting a different chocolate bunny. The cameras would click and whirr as they ran around hunting for eggs. Then we'd have a big Easter dinner - sometimes ham, sometimes roast with all the extras. I sit here now in my night gown with my two teen boys on the couch playing video games and reminisce. I find it impossible to release the past - to live in the now - to let go. I suffer from terminal nostalgia I think - constantly mentally comparing what I have now - what I AM now - to how much happier it used to be. I wish I could turn it off! Is anyone else feeling sick with some loss today?

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes I agree with what you said. Its just that before recovery in a manic state I would walk up to people and talk to them as if I personally knew them and it overwhelmed them. Of course if its done in an appropriate manner yes. Being isolated is something that can change by reaching out to people. I certainly always help anyone out who asks for it but sometimes it makes sense just to give a person a kind word. Agreed. I would date my first efforts to reach out to people 10 years back when I was on very ordinary medication. I volunteered for this organization that helped the homeless. The other volunteers seemed to want to get ahead in college and unfortunately looked down on the people they were helping. Of course a lot of the homeless people had a psychiatric disability and were unmedicated so I just talked to them person to person and got a better response. Have to keep that in mind for everyday folks as well especially now that I can relate to people better.

[LetaB]

Ah, I am so very sorry, dear. How hurtfull that must have been for you. I told my friend your story about the old lady in the park and he said "What? Where does he live, New York City?" That seems very sad too, that we aren't allowed to say hello to old women on Easter. Next time think of HER being alone on Easter and how she might like a kind word from a stranger. We live in such opposite places. There aren't many here I don't know by sight and, unfortunately, don't know some of the nagative truths and rumors about me. That's my reason for treating people with caution.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that's a shame. Really having bipolar or anything else running through the family should unite people. People should be able to share their coping experiences or even if they don't want to talk about personal issues understand they have something in common. When people move extended families do break apart and its not a good thing as easily in these times people need a sense of unity and support. As for the family members you haven't heard from in a while it might be worth it to give them a call today and see if some issues that have divided people could be settled. Sometimes its a minor riff in the extended family that creates a huge tear.

[ILADVOCATE]

Well for myself due to my physical disability I can't relive the past. That is as a child enjoying Passover. And actively up until fairly recently times. It was difficult this year because a family member that was not closely related to us passed on and it was hard for me to know what to say about that because I physically haven't been present at family occasions in a while and I didn't know them well. But what was more upsetting to me is that my grandfather just came out of the hospital after a cardiac episode (thankfully not a heart attack). I wasn't upset that the family was focusing a lot on helping him. But I wanted to be a part of helping him but they said it was better I didn't come. People gave a short response to my e-mails. And no more than that. But tomorrow the TTY I have on order will be installed. And I will be sure to call everyone including my grandparents to say hello and in their case check up on them. I physically can't be in large groups. Including family occasions. And yes all this made me depressed. I just took a walk in the park and got some Chinese food. And there was only one person there who was an elderly woman eating alone. And frankly I wanted to say hello but I know unlike the past to respect boundaries. But I don't want to feel shut out from the world.

[LetaB]

  Thanks for your advice. Yes, now I recall all the stress of having to buy just the right thing, getting four kids dressed, keeping them clean, living with my perfection seeking mother, etc. That helps a little. I don't know if I'll have any grandkids personally. I won't count on it. I really feel for you and the dramatic change in your life. When I was 12 we moved from the mountains to the mojave desert and I wasted away with longing. I've always had this malady and it's exacerbated by my inconsistantly photographic memory. My two who are still home DO want candy - but they'll be half price tomorrow!

[bastet56]

We've gotten the holidays back thanks to the grandkids so keep up the hope. Yes, I suffer from the same malady but I also know that in nostagia you tend to remember only the good and none of the bad. Ever since I've moved to this hellhole called Nevada I've missed where I used to live. I've let slip my mind the wind, fog, humidity in favor of grass, trees and my little farm( we live in the city now). I miss my extended family- they don't talk to me anymore, after all, i'm 'mental' (they're all on meds too but I talk about things that have happened in the family, a real no no I guess).With the exception of dyeing eggs you could still have a nice Easter meal and give them baskets as I've found that they are never to old for candy lol. You can go thru the motions and maybe you will recapture some of the happiness you had. Good luck!