Going in for new Med Eval

[pixiegrl23]

I have had Bipolar NOS for a while. I am not particularly sure any more if it is Bipolar. I have been guinea pigged on 19 different meds over the years with 3 different diagnoses. Anti psychotics cause seizures, anti depressants have caused everything from mania symptoms to excessive depression (go figure), mood stabilizers have caused the same along with lithium causing muscle problems and eye sight probs. Not sure what they classify abilify and zyprexa as but they caused me to become schizo, causing voices and hallucinations (which is abnormal for a drug thaqt is supposed to fix those things), anti anxiety drugs such as buspar caused disconnection. Xanax, and klonopin made me too tired and more depressed. Valium worked for a while but now it makes me sleepy. And neurontin made me depressed and suicidal.
You can see my dilemma. I am supposed to see a new doctor soon and we're supposed to discuss treatment options. I am again wary because I have had little success with treatments. I either have bizzare side effects or opposite reactions to drugs. Has anyone else ever had these problems? Can anyone reccommend a treatmetn option I could look into. I am just lost these days.
Lately, my syptoms have been:
Severe Anxiety
Mixed Episodes
Unable to concentrate or pay attention
Impatience
Irritability
Loss of Interest
Forgetfulness (sometimes not able to remember things from minute to minute)
    

[pixiegrl23]

Thanks, that is actually more what I was talking about (Irish) is having some ideas (as in the side effects and what not) so that when this doc talks to me she sees I am intelligent and very much a part of my treatment. I have already gone the route of trusting my doctors to do what is best, and if you read my first post you can see how well that went. I know that exercise would be helpful for a lot of reasons, it's just easier said than done for me. In fact right now I seem to be in a rut where I can't change anything, and when I try something bad happens to remind me why I shouldn't bother. Anyway, I wasn't talking about telling the doc what I wanted to take geez, that never works and I have no idea whats out there. (Side note: I did have one doctor though, that had me wrongly diagnosed, I told him that I had been taking my friend's lithium and I thought I was bipolar instead of major depression, and he gave me the meds! maximum dosage, along with the rest of the cocktail I was taking! none the less I was right about the misdiagnose but wrong about the meds. So nope I am not trying to say which meds are best for me). I was curious about Michael's meds because he has gone through the same things I have. Thanks for the support though.

[irishwriter]

i would suggest checking different sites and getting your research on various drugs used in your disorders. write down the names and side effects so that if your doc suggests them you can ask intelligent questions and you can discuss which ones might be best for you. that's not telling him what to do but being involved in your own treatment. i have found therapy, reading and exercise to be of value too. we need to have a good attitude but don't let anyone tell you you can think yourself better. the chemical imbalance needs to be fixed by meds or whatever so you can go on living what sounds lilke a lovely life. good luck with it

[monkeyc]

The only person who is going to be able to pick the right meds is a doctor.

I cannot conceive of a doctor who would let a patient choose his or her meds.  Its not something you do by reading a website as each and every one of us reacts differently to medications.

It sounds to me like you have had a long stable period and now due to stresses its coming unstuck, I spent 15 years stable and then about 18 months ago it fell apart and now I am dealing with it however I have meds that work fairly well for me.  They may not work for you.

The reality to getting treatment is this : Honesty.  With yourself, your doctors and those around you who support you - you need to be able to be 100% truthfull with your docs and you need to be able to be truthful with you partner as well - its key to be able to face the disease head on and not let it run your life.

Also there are other things that the doctors wont tell you.  You can't exercise it appears which is a good one but therapy is excellent as part of your treatment - im not sure how therapy goes bad but a lot of people give up on it as they think its not working.  Looking at what triggers your depression is also useful and learning to change the situation before it happens.

But as to picking your own drugs sorry this is a pipe dream - No sane doctor is going to let you choose the drugs he or she uses they will talk to you about choices and thats when you MUST ask all the questions and understand the drugs but you can't research drugs and then give the pdoc a list.

Its vital that BP's and all people with illnesses who take drugs long term educate themselves on their drugs and their side effects and interactions - I see a lot of people here and in support groups and forums who have little if any idea what the drug cocktails they take do to them and yet they keep taking - for some drugs taking a cold and flu tablet can affect how they work.  Its vital to know all about the drugs you take anyway.

[pixiegrl23]

I am currently not on any medication, except for pain meds for an injury and prns for pain and a bladder disease. I have actually been psych med free for almost 2 years. And I have actually been doing really good. I got custody of my daughter and have been very successful in school and with jobs. I even found a very healthy relationship with  wonderful guy. I am afraid of losing it all though because my symptoms are getting worse. I am having a hard time dealing with all of these things I have just told you are my accomplishments. I have also had many strange illnesses over the past month and they just seem to be getting worse rather than better, which might explain why I am getting more depressed and irritable. I would say though that a person who has bipolar who was doing well and gets sick is going to have an even more difficult time dealing than most people. Though I may be speaking out of turn, everyone's sickness id bad for them. But, I digress...
I don't want to lose everything but I also don't want to start a med that may cause worse symptoms than I already have and my track record with psych meds isn't very good.
I have also done meditation, yoga, counseling, and exercise for treatments. At first they worked pretty good but like most things, it didn't stay that way. I also have more debilitating physical problems which do not allow for regular exercise or yoga  as I know it. And meditation allowed me to become well a little strange. Delusional if you will, but it may have been others I was around. I thank you. If you have any other possibilities now that you have more info it is appreciated. Also, since you have also dealt with the agony of guinea pigging is there less side affecting meds or a web site that might help me to pick the right "cocktail" so to speak? Again I thank you!
oh and, Namaste!

[Jikan]

Namaste,

Your current symptoms sound like a combination of bipolar disorder and anxiety, but many of what you describe are often the result of medicaations.

You haven't stated what medications, if any, that you are taking, so it's difficult to make a more educated guess.

Unfortunately, I have suffered from some of the same symptoms you have described, going through several combinations of medications, different diagnosis' and opposite side effects to many medications.

For awhile they called me drug resistant.

Only now, after 7 years am I taking a combination of medications that keep me somewhat stable for about 6 months at a time. afterwhich I usually end up in the hospital after a suicide attempt or a need for a drastic change in medications.

I know I'm not being very helpful here, but, for the most part, all I can due is reassure you that there is hope, but it may take time and a lot of patience on your part.

Adjunct therapies such as counseling, meditation, exercise (yoga & tai chi) and accupunture have also helped me to some degree.

Just keep on trying and I'm sure you'll eventually find the answers you seek.

Let us know how you are doing aand take care of yourself.

Michael