Aa
How do you stop brain circle talking?
It was not good. I am willing to try, to help to love and honor. I can't or won't stop the cycle. The cycle of replaying what has been said and replaying what I could have done. But coming from genius' you don't feel the stab of the dagger until you are wallowing in your own blood. I am not crazy, nor should I be brushed off as just being their bp daughter. I may be diagnosed, byt my sister IS crazy and my brother is so damaged, I am not sure anyone really knows him.
Now, how do I stop the brain from going over and over again, what happened? I was just there for a visit?
Are they mad at me for being able to do more than them? Angry the other two don't visit much and live closer?
I want to let go and be better off without circle talking about how can I make it better?
zzzmykids
Now, how do I stop the brain from going over and over again, what happened? I was just there for a visit?
Are they mad at me for being able to do more than them? Angry the other two don't visit much and live closer?
I want to let go and be better off without circle talking about how can I make it better?
zzzmykids
"Much younger" you say, huh? Boy, lifelong friends in the making, I think. But seriously, I'm in my 40's. I doubt "much" younger is accurate. You don't look that old on your photo. If I didn't know from your profile that you were married 30 yrs., I'd think we were the same age. Of course, who knows. Maybe you got married at 10 yrs.
Anyhow, I loved your post. You are inspirational. What a neat sermon. And more importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!!! How exciting is that - Your daughter is getting married! :>) Salute!
Anyhow, I loved your post. You are inspirational. What a neat sermon. And more importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!!! How exciting is that - Your daughter is getting married! :>) Salute!
Lol, you are funny and I would bet a great deal like me but much younger.
I went to service and our Pastor preached on not taking things negative to be such a bad thing. It makes you dependent on God and think on Him. It allows you to mature in your walk with Him.It prepares you to grow. I came away with peace and the knowledge that in a situation such as this again, I would give grace but not allow to be damaged, standing strong in giving Christ's Love and allowing myself the security to stand behind Him.
Then later today after grandkids and son in law and I planted produce, corn, zuchini, tomaoes, string beans, strawberries and herbs, whew I was tired. Anyways after that our other daughters boyfriend asked to speak with us. He asked for our daughters hand in marriage! So now after he asks her they will be getting married.
Good day, good sermon, good new encouraging writer..you.. and just a grand day all in all.
Thank you for the prayers and support.
Mom and Dad are old now, what they did as young parents I will forgive and what they say and do now I will honor them and give them grace.
zzzmykids
I went to service and our Pastor preached on not taking things negative to be such a bad thing. It makes you dependent on God and think on Him. It allows you to mature in your walk with Him.It prepares you to grow. I came away with peace and the knowledge that in a situation such as this again, I would give grace but not allow to be damaged, standing strong in giving Christ's Love and allowing myself the security to stand behind Him.
Then later today after grandkids and son in law and I planted produce, corn, zuchini, tomaoes, string beans, strawberries and herbs, whew I was tired. Anyways after that our other daughters boyfriend asked to speak with us. He asked for our daughters hand in marriage! So now after he asks her they will be getting married.
Good day, good sermon, good new encouraging writer..you.. and just a grand day all in all.
Thank you for the prayers and support.
Mom and Dad are old now, what they did as young parents I will forgive and what they say and do now I will honor them and give them grace.
zzzmykids
By the way, re: the part that was edited: I wasn't calling your mom a name. I said "That S - _ - c - k - s"
"...the most hurtful was being lied to by someone I love and respect using a disorder I have. Second was being called crazy by my Mom."
That *****! Excuse my lack of a better term.
I have been in a situation in which my step-mother lied in a similar fashion in front of my father and husband. She of course then denied everything. Father is hard of hearing and immediately took her side over mine, which is not unusual. He was yelling at me because I supposedly disrespected his wife. (?!?) Husband didn't hear the entire conversation and was on the fence about the whole issue when I explained what happened. Judging from his reaction, he wasn't sure he could believe me. He gave me some fake empathy in private. It's enough to boil the capillaries. And in the midst of all this, my adult son, who has been estranged from me, was the topic. It's so hurtful at times, that it's difficult to put words to. It really can be agonizing.
The details of my situation are unimportant right now. The whole point of my little tangent was to let you know that I truly feel for you. It's not fair how you were treated. It sounds like such an incredibly difficult situation. I hope and pray you continue to keep boundaries with them and in as few words as possible, let them know you need to leave when you are being mistreated. You can do that without ending the relationship (as I'm sure you already know). I've had to get up and dismiss myself saying that I will see them next week when things are calmer. The funny thing is, they didn't fall apart. My father, of course, tried to say I was leaving because I was tired. I corrected him and said, "No, it's because I'm really upset with what happened here." He acted as though he didn't get it. They have respected me more, however, the more I seem to set boundaries with them.
Isn't it funny that people always seem to hurt those most whom they love? Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Best to you.
That *****! Excuse my lack of a better term.
I have been in a situation in which my step-mother lied in a similar fashion in front of my father and husband. She of course then denied everything. Father is hard of hearing and immediately took her side over mine, which is not unusual. He was yelling at me because I supposedly disrespected his wife. (?!?) Husband didn't hear the entire conversation and was on the fence about the whole issue when I explained what happened. Judging from his reaction, he wasn't sure he could believe me. He gave me some fake empathy in private. It's enough to boil the capillaries. And in the midst of all this, my adult son, who has been estranged from me, was the topic. It's so hurtful at times, that it's difficult to put words to. It really can be agonizing.
The details of my situation are unimportant right now. The whole point of my little tangent was to let you know that I truly feel for you. It's not fair how you were treated. It sounds like such an incredibly difficult situation. I hope and pray you continue to keep boundaries with them and in as few words as possible, let them know you need to leave when you are being mistreated. You can do that without ending the relationship (as I'm sure you already know). I've had to get up and dismiss myself saying that I will see them next week when things are calmer. The funny thing is, they didn't fall apart. My father, of course, tried to say I was leaving because I was tired. I corrected him and said, "No, it's because I'm really upset with what happened here." He acted as though he didn't get it. They have respected me more, however, the more I seem to set boundaries with them.
Isn't it funny that people always seem to hurt those most whom they love? Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Best to you.
Dear Costanze, thank you for the question, the most hurtful was being lied to by someone I love and respect using a disorder I have. Second was being called crazy by my Mom.
Dear Misterhamtastic, Joy does not belong to a feeling nor is it something you can seek, it is a gift of God and overides any emotional state you are in, I have joy most of the time.Expectation is not what honoring your parents is all about. Both parents are aging without grace which happens. I get overwhelmed having no help from those professing to love them. It is the hired help that do the most. Because of this, I spend more time with them. It is not unreasonable nor unhealthy to think your parents love you and when it shows they do not have a clue about you, maybe, just maybe you would spiral down as well. Maybe not. When Christ got to Lazarus and he was already in his tomb and both sisters, Martha and Mary accused him of not loving their brother as much as they thought He did, what did Jesus do? The shortest verse in the Bible. He wept.
Why did he weep? Did He think He could not show a miracle or because He was not there that He could not open the chains of death binding Lazarus and call Him forth from the dead? No. He cried because these two women He loved and believed understood who He was doubted Him. Love is not dependent on who loves us, but as the God/Man...fully God fully man he wept. I am not dependent on their love nor what I choose to do for them, I am saddened that after all this time they do not know me.
Christians have no place of solitude for there is always someone ready to criticize who you are in Him. I am an imperfect sinfilled person, bipolar for His purpose and His glory, I will remain His, He is perfect in everyway. How many did He love? Every person who ever existed or will exist and that includes you misterhammtastic. I weep and fall into the pit because I cannot make my parents like eachother, get better physically and again because though I am their child, they have never seen me for who I am and not what I do for them but the unconditional love I continue to have and honor for the parents who have never seen me.
And how about when God the Father turned His back on God the Son when God the Son/Jesus took all of humanities sins upon himself and God the Father could not look upon the sin for He is perfect and just. Jesus said, Ali, Ali, Lamasabacthene.(sp) translated, My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken me? There is no pain, no alienation that I have personally been through that measures that pain.
Hope this helped. This is my journal and I could keep it private, some I do. For all that helped, thank you for those with no clue, I am sorry I gave you the impression I needed conditions to continue to love those that do not. zzzmykids
Dear Misterhamtastic, Joy does not belong to a feeling nor is it something you can seek, it is a gift of God and overides any emotional state you are in, I have joy most of the time.Expectation is not what honoring your parents is all about. Both parents are aging without grace which happens. I get overwhelmed having no help from those professing to love them. It is the hired help that do the most. Because of this, I spend more time with them. It is not unreasonable nor unhealthy to think your parents love you and when it shows they do not have a clue about you, maybe, just maybe you would spiral down as well. Maybe not. When Christ got to Lazarus and he was already in his tomb and both sisters, Martha and Mary accused him of not loving their brother as much as they thought He did, what did Jesus do? The shortest verse in the Bible. He wept.
Why did he weep? Did He think He could not show a miracle or because He was not there that He could not open the chains of death binding Lazarus and call Him forth from the dead? No. He cried because these two women He loved and believed understood who He was doubted Him. Love is not dependent on who loves us, but as the God/Man...fully God fully man he wept. I am not dependent on their love nor what I choose to do for them, I am saddened that after all this time they do not know me.
Christians have no place of solitude for there is always someone ready to criticize who you are in Him. I am an imperfect sinfilled person, bipolar for His purpose and His glory, I will remain His, He is perfect in everyway. How many did He love? Every person who ever existed or will exist and that includes you misterhammtastic. I weep and fall into the pit because I cannot make my parents like eachother, get better physically and again because though I am their child, they have never seen me for who I am and not what I do for them but the unconditional love I continue to have and honor for the parents who have never seen me.
And how about when God the Father turned His back on God the Son when God the Son/Jesus took all of humanities sins upon himself and God the Father could not look upon the sin for He is perfect and just. Jesus said, Ali, Ali, Lamasabacthene.(sp) translated, My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken me? There is no pain, no alienation that I have personally been through that measures that pain.
Hope this helped. This is my journal and I could keep it private, some I do. For all that helped, thank you for those with no clue, I am sorry I gave you the impression I needed conditions to continue to love those that do not. zzzmykids
Interesting. I have learned to find the greatest joy in giving love without expectation of it being returned, As a christian, consider christ. How many did he love and that love would never be returned? Perhaps you should accept that that love will not be given from those sources you want it from, and it's up to you whether you can find joy in loving them anyway,
Thank you all for your suggestions, concerns and your, "I've been there, hang in theres."
What I was writing was dysfunction of my family of origin. I do see a pdoc and he is awesome. Saw him the next day after I got back from my family that live in another city.
I was in that city last Friday, came home on Sunday with only my Dad, his ocd doesn't allow him to stay long. Drove him home on Tuesday to my home town of origin.
We have living with us both our daughters, two grandbabies and one son in law along with three big dogs.
I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm a three percenter, if three percent of the population is going to get a side effect from a drug...I am. Over ten years I have never been on a med longer than a year except lithium and it is a high dose.
As a Christian, I have prayer journalled most of my life and just journaled in general.
The circle thinking has to do with wanting the love of people I will never receive. My parents and my brother and sister. It makes it lonely. I know my parents love me as a person but not as a daughter...I am not perfect and damaged with bp2.
I am the one that goes to see them the most and the other two plan for their funerals.
While there this time, my father lied twice to my mom and used my bp as the reason.
Mom called me crazy. My youngest daughter was there 26 years old and she heard it all. Both my mom and dad are above the norm in thinking and I walked away feeling a failure once again to meet their needs.
Again thank you, I do journal, read, walk, listen to classical music and music of the andes and a little george winston. See pdoc sometimes as often as twice a month and sometimes when good every six weeks. I see my general once every three months for blood tests.
Lol I teach classes on managing your moodswings when I am good. :)
What I was writing was dysfunction of my family of origin. I do see a pdoc and he is awesome. Saw him the next day after I got back from my family that live in another city.
I was in that city last Friday, came home on Sunday with only my Dad, his ocd doesn't allow him to stay long. Drove him home on Tuesday to my home town of origin.
We have living with us both our daughters, two grandbabies and one son in law along with three big dogs.
I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm a three percenter, if three percent of the population is going to get a side effect from a drug...I am. Over ten years I have never been on a med longer than a year except lithium and it is a high dose.
As a Christian, I have prayer journalled most of my life and just journaled in general.
The circle thinking has to do with wanting the love of people I will never receive. My parents and my brother and sister. It makes it lonely. I know my parents love me as a person but not as a daughter...I am not perfect and damaged with bp2.
I am the one that goes to see them the most and the other two plan for their funerals.
While there this time, my father lied twice to my mom and used my bp as the reason.
Mom called me crazy. My youngest daughter was there 26 years old and she heard it all. Both my mom and dad are above the norm in thinking and I walked away feeling a failure once again to meet their needs.
Again thank you, I do journal, read, walk, listen to classical music and music of the andes and a little george winston. See pdoc sometimes as often as twice a month and sometimes when good every six weeks. I see my general once every three months for blood tests.
Lol I teach classes on managing your moodswings when I am good. :)
Get a journal and write it all down to get it out of your head. This really helps to clear your mind. Sometimes after I write it down I burn it to really erase and you wont believe how theraputic it is.
Keep coming here to talk to us. We understand like nobldy else can what you are going through
love Venora
Keep coming here to talk to us. We understand like nobldy else can what you are going through
love Venora
Somebody told me about walking meditation today when my brain won't stop talking. I also find journalling like a bajillion pages helps me to sort things out....after I take a few deep breaths and settle back into my body. Sometimes however none of this works and I just have to let the mania run its course ..sigh..I wish you luck!
It sounds like you're blaming yourself for something on your last visit with your parents. So, what was said that was the most hurtful?
I'm sorry, but your post is really hard to make out, what I'm guessing your going through is a "manic moment", take some deep breaths and relax.....then I would see your pdoc and get your meds adjusted for your hypo, if you aren't on anything I would suggest you speak with your family doctor, and get hooked up with a pdoc.
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