How to help family understand

[Jen813]

I am a 28 year old woman who was diagnosed as having bipolar 1 about 6 months ago, although I knew this was my problem several years ago, I was just afraid to face the facts.  I am married and have 2 children ages 6 and 4.  My husband and I have been married for just a little over 6 years.  I don't know how to communicate with him anymore.   He is a psychology major and is now in his masters program for clinical counseling, and I would think by now he would now how to talk to me more openly.  He knows what it means to be bipolar, and by that I mean he knows what the textbooks say.  He won't listen to how I actually FEEL.  Now, all he does is go around pointing out all of the things that I have done wrong in our relationship, or the things that I am doing wrong now, and then blames them on my 'mental' illness and basically treats me as if I am an idiot.  He is constantly nagging me about silly things, he says really mean things to me in front of the kids (things like 'why don't you go take your meds' or 'you're a crazy psycho *****').  I understand that there are things that I have done in the past that have probably hurt him, but I have always taken responsibility and have never once blamed them on being bipolar.  It hurts when he is mean to me.  What hurts even more is that he used to be an abusive man (physically).  Instead of leaving him, like so many other would have, I chose to stay with him and we worked it out together (i.e. anger management, counseling, etc.). Things there have changed, but while he is sitting and pointing the finger at me and all of the things that I have done 'wrong' he forgets what he has done in the past and how it has affected me and my self esteem, etc.  I guess the issue is that half of me doesn't want to leave especially because of the kids, but the other half of me wants to hit the door.  He has kept me from getting a job for the last 2 years, and now that he knows I have 'issues' especially concerning money he won't let me near any of the bank accounts or the credit cards either. I have no means to support myself, I have no family other than him, and I am afraid if I leave I will lose my kids because I have no means of caring for them financially.  I don't know what to do.  Does anyone have any advice on how I can work together with him to help him understand my current situation as far as being bipolar is concerned?  I am at wits end.  My depression gets worse with every mean thing he says, and if I don't think of something fast I am afraid I will end up losing my mind.  Sorry this post is so long.  Thanks.

[triedeverymed]

This was a reply to another post. Are you kidding my ex would NEVER go thru anger management. He's perfect and has no problems and all the anwers. He needs to choke on his big ego. He doesn't believe in mental illness he says it;s a way for docs to make money, that's all. It's all in my head and it I go to the gym enough and eat enough vegetables it will go away. he's serious and f-ing crazy!!!!

[ames67]

Since ya'll had success with the anger management counseling, maybe you could get him to go to understand "your problem" (just to hook him, that it is about you not just him). The other thing is the lack of compassion he has for you is frightening given he is working on being a counselor. He needs to develop some empathy, which is like Rule #1
in graduate school. Another way to get him to go to counseling is that many graduate programs encourage their students to participate in therapy so they can get a good feel for what the process is like while they are learning the techniques in school. Life versus textbook can be a very difficult dichotomy to reconcile. Hope this helps.

[triedeverymed]

Boy can I relate. The only difference is the number of kids we have and my monster (spouse) is a sales/marketing major.
He has no idea why I feel like I do, he's read and went to 1 doctor visit but keeps on my case to "snap out of it" or "knock it off". I'm in your boat. I want to leave but I'm so sick right now it's all I can do not to kill myself to make this feeling go away.
We actually got divorced because he was a control freak but I had to move in because I'm out here is AZ and have no family and then I got sick. I can't work and I can''t take care of my son. I wish I had advice but it sounds like he's very controlling and they don't change. Just know someone can relate.
Erin