Meds are affecting our sex life

[frustrated309]

My husband was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been on Lexapro and Abilify (different doses) for the last 7 months. The doctor is adjusting the doses, but it seems that my husband has lost his drive for sex and for much of anything. He is depressed. Our sex life is literally down to once or twice a month if at that. I miss my husband. He has had some improvements in his anger level and in his moods. They had him on 10 mg of lexapro and 15 abilify and that did nothing but make him sleep. They adjusted the doses again and that helped his sex drive for about two days and then it was back in the dumps again. There is serious marital stress due to the lack of sexual desire. I am thinking about divorce-and this upsets me to no end. Can someone please help me understand why there is no medication that can simply treat the problem and not affect one of the most important parts of a marriage. Any advice to other doses or medications would be helpful.

A very frustrated wife!

[rogelio63]

When I was first diagnosed with depression(wrongly I might add) I took lexapro.  It didn't take the desire away but even more frustrating, I couldn't have an orgasm.  But it didn't last forever.  So give him some time, don't make him feel inadequate (not saying that you are) and those side effects may wear off.  They did for me.

[freebird227]

As a woman in the recovery process of Bi-Polar Rapid cycler.............I will tell you first hand my husband walked with me  through and helped me navigate all the twist and turns my first year had in store for me.
   With all the med changes, dealing with the deep depression. Finding the right cocktail....I felt like we needed to be a rocket scientist. But we together pressed forward.
Long story.............made really short. We made it through and I have been more stable than not and I haven't had a med tweek in over 2 years......... I am also a recovering addict, so I was able to draw from my recovery some helpful tools to use with dealing with my mood swings.............or spirials............... So try to remember, It will not always be like it is today. But it might get worse before it gets better.
There are support groups for family members, you could check your local Mental Health... Or google BP and try to learn on your own,what you need to do to take care of you as you guys go through this.......................Good luck.............Huggggs

[lindahand]

It may be the depression causing the lack of sexual drive versus the meds. Probably a mix of both. As he feels better and the side effects clear he may be able to have a healthy sex life. I have also heard that some doctors will prescribe viagra to help. If you make him feel badly for not having sex - it will take much longer to have it. He likely already feels like a failure. And the sex may be different. It may be more comfort sex than active sex for a while.

Depending how strong of a bipolar he is, recovery may take a while.

And I am going to say something you may not appreciate. The vows were for better or worse, sickness and in health. Unless of course you said your own vows which more people are doing. If you had acquired a head injury and it changed your personality, made you be in a wheel chair, perhaps for the rest of your life, would you expect him to stay or leave. We may not always like the cards we are dealt, but marriages do survive without sex, and this is probably a temporary part of recovery. I know many bipolars with a healthy functioning sex life.

[trdofbeingtrd]

Hello. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I decided to not take the medications, mainly because they wanted to give me lithium for my chemical imbalance. I am not saying this because I am somehow better than those who try the medications, I am saying this because while I still have my flaws and problems, I was able to control the bi-polar. I looked to physical techniques (yoga, meditation, and martial arts) and herbs to help. It helped me, but I can't say it helps everyone. There are things he can do and if he decided to, herbs he can take to help with his emotions. Feel free to message me if interested. This is just one of many options. There are people who need medications so that they can live a happier life, just because I did not go that route does not mean others should not. There will most likely be people come here to post other replies, they might know a different type of medication/s to help him that don't have sexual issues as side effects.