Oh yeah!!!! Music is a great escape. I use it all the time. For like a year though, I used it basically every day, blasting it in my car. Not caring if I went deaf from it. It just was an escape, and I would listen to the heaviest songs imaginable. But through the year it kind of set me off, got me in bad moods when i didnt know. So, it wasnt really an escape all the time. ITS a tricky thing. I mean, music is amazing, dont get me wrong, but sometimes you just need that peace. Now, im at a point where i can say, "Yeah i can listen to this song," or "Maybe iLL just keep things quiet for now, and not listen to anything." I alot of the times, listen to sports radio or just talk radio now, but when i feel in the mood, ILL play me some music to really get me going. Its a tricky thing like I said, but if you find a balance with it, you'll be alright.
I feel the same as you, starbunny. When I'm not well music is very irritating and annoying. It's like a big mess of noise and I don't like listening to it. Or, if my mind is racing I get frustrated when songs last a long time, like they need to speed up, too. When I'm well I love music. I like to sing along with the radio when I drive. I've always loved music. But, not when things are bad, then I hate music.
I just wanted to comment that surprisingly that during psychotic episodes when words start making less sense to me, music speaks to me even better than words ever could during these times. I would think something as complex as music would make even less sense than language but for some reason it doesn't. My structure of my music I write however is more chaotic and disorganized when I'm having a psychotic episode.
Music is a weird one for me. Before even realising I am going 'up' every music that I listen to sounds wonderful and full of meaning like its the best music I've ever heard or something, even stuff I normally can't stand. It's a real indicator for me.
Other times especially when I feel bad or have psychotic symptoms - I cant listen to any music, it grates on me and gives me a really bad feeling in my stomach like dread or as if I'm going to throw up like it really exacerbates my symptoms.
In this sense music doesnt control my moods, rather my moods control the way I interpret the music. I wish it were the other way around - I'd have a bit more control over my moods then!!
Yes despite my current recovery as regards psychosis its also been noted my "affect is labile" meaning that I still have mood swings although less so than before. Music is certainly calming during mood swings and I will listen to music that matches whether I am depressed or manic sometimes. Sometimes music that reminds me of emotionally stressful events can trigger changes although far less so than before but in the past music could set off a whole flood of emotions. Sometimes on the last day of the Catapres application (which is my working mood stabilizer) I will play the same song or fragment of the same song as well over and over but with my situation not all of the causes are mental. Yes I have experienced all that but mood generally reflects the mood swings I already instead of setting them off but that has happened.