People minimizing my depression

[freddie8605]

I am in a depressed phase, and i feel like when i talk to people about what is going on, they minimize it. My boyfriend's friend has just been diagnosis with bipolar and my boyfriend carried on about how bad it is and how he has been smashing cars and getting arrested and taking drugs etc and i am just siting here to afraid to leave the house as i have been being followed, i have been told that i will die if i don't prepare for the worst ( someone is going to hurt me and my boyfriend while in our house) I have been dealing with all the things around me being sad and angry and i am so scared and he just carries on about how hard it is for his friend. And i am not saying it isn't hard for his friend but hes taking drugs and not taking his meds and he is making it harder for himself, i am have never taken drugs and my life ***** and i at least try to take my meds. while he gets all the help and support while i get told i am being lazy and should get a job, it is like my boyfriend wants me to die. he leaves the house unlocked and he ignores me when the demons attack me, and everything is screaming "its all your f**king fault.  Its like he is in denial! I have a psychologist who is meant to be helping me for depression and mania but the other day she said she thinks i am delusional and thinks i need to get my meds changed. I am rational and I feel like i am the only one on this planet. and i am the one who is delusional, i mean look at my boyfriend he is the one who acts like i am the scum on the bottom of his shoe. I am going through this alone although i am definitely not alone. I just need someone to recognized what i am going through and connect me back to my own people, and to understand i am hurting just as much as others who are violent i just don't hurt things and don't take drugs.
I am sick of everything i do being judged different to how i think it is, and being compared with someone else, and being told, i don't want to talk about that as you only get mad. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT< ITS IMPORTANT!
( i don't think it helps i was abused by my first psychiatrist and am so affriad of going to another one, which is what my psychologist is trying to make me do so i am losing trust with her and because of what she is saying that i am delusional/hallucinating which just tells me she doesn't believe me. and i think she too is trying to play games with my head.)

I am sorry if this offends anyone on here as i don't mean to i just need to get it of chest before i do hurt something.
I am also hoping someone can relate, but if you can't that's cool too. Thank you for reading.

[looloo141]

Freddie I'm so glad you're feeling a little better! Take it easy and hopefully tomorrow you'll feel better still..
Hugs

[freddie8605]

Thank you too everyone for your kind thoughts and advice. You are all so kind and understanding i just wish i new you in real life. I am having a bit better day today and find that i can think more clearly and i hope i have more days like that.

Thank you so much.

[TheLightSeeker]

Hey Freddie.
Sorry to hear about your troubles.
You must get it out of your system though, and that's fine. And is safe, to do so here.

   Why don't look for a female Psych Dr.? Just wandering.
  
     There's fairly recent research regarding Bi-Polar, to help explain the usually sudden
   onset of symptoms, and the wide mood swings.
     This info may also help alleviate and manage the symptoms better.
   Since it is more in the alternative or holistic side of medicine, because of forum rules,
   anyone interested here, could post at the alternative therapies or message me directly.
  Just include brief backround, and present therapy.
   Take care and Blessings to all,
    Nikodicreta

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Schizoaffective disorder is a higher functioning version of schizophrenia but with a mood disorder on top of it but she made it sound like she was grouping me in and comparing me to other people in the same group like you touched base on.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Just various things, I don't remember everything she said to be honest.  Something like personal hygiene and making friends and such.

[looloo141]

Wow thats a tough one really, because undeniably you are unwell at the moment so I guess that you'd need to be around people that are unwell for them to be on the same wave length, I'm sorry if I misunderstand you, but people that are sharing the same beliefs as you would probably not have the strength to help another person. I know that somebody who has been in the place you are in now would be the most useful to you as they have real empathy for your feelings not just sympathy.
I feel that when I am in my deepest darkest place and that I don't make sense to anyone it makes me crave to be around like minded people, cos I guess we all need to feel like we belong.
I think that on this forum there are so many great people that you can talk to and share ideas..it would be good for us all if we could share opinions and ideas on certain subjects because most of the time we just advise..thats a real great idea Freddie, you ought to post a poll about something you are interested in..
Another idea would be to ask your therapist about group therapy? that would give you the face to face, human contact that you need. It would be people from all different walks of life at different stages of illness and you could all help eachother.. a bit like we do on this forum but real human contact..then you wouldn't have to worry about people not understanding.
I am worried about you Freddie, you seem like you are very enclosed in your own mind and feel very lonely but don't know how to reach out because of the terrible experiences you have had in the past.. keep talking on here, we care about you very much!

[freddie8605]

Thank you for making me realize i am not being stupid for feeling like this, now i know you have too. Yes when i am manic everyone cares which appears to me as over reacting as when i am manic i don't normally think anything is wrong and i don't want help. but now when i am depressed i am screaming for help and its like no one hears me. they are all focused on "my beliefs" and thats not the problem the gut wrenching sadness is.I get the my boyfriend it trying to help and be supportive but its also like he is in denial. He has been to some of my appointments but i end up finding my therapist sides with him.
I just need someone to tell me it will be alright and to make it better. i know it doesn't work like that but i cant do this on my own.

I always find that humans always try and be around people who have similar beliefs and think the same or after being in a traumatic event they just want be around each other because they automatically understand, that's what i want i was to discuss and shear there ideas. How can i do that?

[looloo141]

Oh freddie hun you are right to feel so angry and upset about this, you deserve all the care and comfort in the world. I know how you must be feeling, its such a contradiction for people to make all these worrying comments about you, saying you are delusional etc but then not helping or comforting you in any way! As for your boyfriend I am unsure as to whether he is shocked about his friend or whether he simply thinks that you will be ok because you cope well. I don't want to make presumptions about him but I would feel the same as you, I would view it that he cared more about his friend than me. Another thing that really annoys me and that I think might be going on with you is that doctors, nurses, family and friends seem more concerned about me during a mania, its all systems go to get me better but I think that the depressive phase is far more dangerous and warrants the most care and support. When depressed I always feel that no one would care if I ended it, these are the times that we need love the most.

My therapist and doctors have always said to tell family and friends how I feel when unwell when I am well, so that I am clear and talking normally so they really hear me instead of thinking that it is manic rambling. I think your boyfriend would benefit from attending your appointments so he gets a reality check about how serious this is. Its really hard because people either treat you like a child or they don't care!

I'm sorry I don't have much advice I just wanted you to know I understsnd and that I'm here!

[freddie8605]

I am sorry in your second post what do you mean by people with schizophrenia can't do this and people with schizoaffective disorder can? do what?

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I have a therapist in fact who was saying saying people with schizophrenia can't do this and that but people with schizoaffective disorder can and I was like uh... but I was really like that off medication and still am to some extent.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Hell I'm on disability (and I was even approved the very first application which rarely happens for anyone even if you're a paraplegic blind and deaf disorganized schizophrenic) for my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and I feel the same way that people don't take it as seriously as they could.  I guess it depends on the people we surround ourselves with (or who surround themselves around us).  I don't have much advice to offer because I don't know how to break through to people but I just figured maybe it would help if someone else understood where you're coming from.  Quite frankly most of the time I just stopped caring about it but sometimes it gets to me.  For one I have the benefits I need and people without my disorder or a related one are not going to ever understand what it's like anyway so no amount of bashing my head on the brick wall will get through it.