Sometimes i just want to scream

[mumandzac]

Hi Everyone,
I was have known that i have BP (type 2 ) for nearly 11 years and am now 30.Some days are better then others and some days like today i just want to scream and never stop.
For the last ten year i have spent thousands on doctors and pychologists but none so far have been able to find the right combo of meds to keep me stable for more then 3 months without having to go to hospitial or having a adverse reaction.
I have an amazing son who gives me the power to open my eyes everyday if it wasn't for him i think i may have given up the fight.
There are so many things i have learned along the way , i lost my son to the department of familys and spent 6 years trying to get him back (bp parents are more scary to the department then drug users ) i have been bankrupt,been fired from jobs due to mania and been told by more people than i can count "that if i just pulled myself together my depression would clear up " ,i was even told once by a mental health worker at Mental health Australia that if " i gave up caffine my mood swings would stop " Seriously....this was a trained proffesional.
Was just wondering what other peoples storys are and when you found the right meds did you feel normal and how long did it take.
Would love nothing more then to be able to go to uni one day and hold down a full time job so my son and i can have a better life

[nancygary]

oops! I meant my husband.  I don't know why I put     I was diagnosed....I think my typing was getting ahead of my thinking....LOL

[nancygary]

hi,

I can only talk about this from the other side.  I have been together with my husband for 24 years.  I was diagnosed as bipolar with manic depression tendencies.  This was way before I met him.  He has never been on any medication.  Drives for a living.  He has had a lot of the same problems that (lotuspond decribes.  Since I was not aware of this in the early years I used to wonder what the heck was going on.  He could be happy one minute and then pissed off the next.  A sweetheart one time and nasty and vendictive the next.  I can tell you I have been on a roller coaster for all this time.  When we got together I had 2 children from a previous marriage and we had 1 child together.  He also had a daughter from a previous marriage that we would have with us from time to time.  She also has problems, but different from his.   That is a whole different thing.  I have learned to live with a lot of his ups and downs.  It is hard not to take things personal...Especially when I didn't do anything to deserve it.  I have accumulated a lot of animals, spend time with my grown children and grandchildren.  He said to me once that he was sorry that he could not give me what I need in a realationship.  I replied back to him that I was sorry that he could not connect....I am not sure what exactly keeps me here.  It is like he is the best and worst thing that has happened to me...Weird as that sounds.... I feel for all of you that have to deal with different levels of Bipolar.  I hope you are able to find what works for you..My husband seems to understand his moods better and know more often when he just needs to be left alone.  I try to stay clear when I know he is having his low times. take care

[lotuspond]

i understand you completely. You are so right and have everyright to feel like screaming. I was diagnosed right after graduating from high school eventhough i was suffering since third grade as far as i remember. I was either aggressive or depressed or high almost all of my life.the thing is i started psychotherapy at 17 that lasted 10 years! the psychiatrist diagnosed me as borderline but never prescribed medication to me apart from two occasions where he gave me tranquiliser for a couple of days. then i went on to person centered therapy, group therapy, cognivite behavioral therapy ...whatever therapy.Finally some 6 years ago i was properly diagnosed as bipolar 2 and after so many years of therapy -25!!!-struggling with family, friends, the world, relationships, jobs, travelling, losing it, finding it, becoming high hopeful, optimistic,flirtatious,then crashing down,becoming suicidal, SOMEBODY finally told me i need medication because i have bipolar disorder! Then i was given effexor xr because i was then severely depressed then i was given tegretol but i gained weight and i was sweating all the time-had to wake up several times during the night to change t-shirts, then i had to take back effexor xr and then i desided to cut it off. then of course i plunged in deep depression and went back on and the past 2 years i am on lamictal. Still i get on highs and lows (not that dramatic as in the past though) and last blood exam showed high sgot (hepatic) levels . they have to check because they say -doctors- that lamictal might be responsible so yesterday my psychiatrist suggested i take lithium. He now says it might be more effective than lamictal and less stress for my liver! I am now over forty five and like you extremely tired and upset with the disorder and the mess it has created in my life but i am also very pissed with the doctors and their wrong diagnoses and "negligence" -25 years visiting therapists having sessions spending a fortune !! nobody mentioned pharmacotherapy- and now it seems that the drugs cannot help either because of side effects or because somehow they cannot really treat it completely. So my dear tell me where and when and i will be the first one to join you in screaming.. PS other than that congratulation for your bravery to be a mother and to be trying so hard. i admire you!

[mumandzac]

Thank you for your help guys :)

[Lonya]

I feel your pain. I dont have all the answers to your question althought I can tell you I am in the same boat minus the son problem but I do understand about the cps thing. I dont get them. but I take effexor xr . I was on lots of things before but in the last 8 months I have cut them out. I am new to thearpy so im not to sure I have anything better than what they have already told you. But I will say if you want to scream your head off WELL do it . It wont hurt anyone and it will make you feel a little better. I say GO FOR IT just scream!!! your not alone I too want to do it. LOL maybe we could set a time up and make the hole world hear us. if you want to chat sometime let me know . with all my heart Lonya

[ILADVOCATE]

For myself I've had to over time change mood stabilizers as the efficacy of one would lessen or side effect profile would make it unable to tolerate it. However once I stopped responding to known treatments I scheduled an appointment with a psychopharmocologist so I could be potentially prescribed mood stabilizers that were FDA approved but used off label experimentally. This is a list:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/moodstabilizers.htm