To Disclose or Not?

[2009toads]

Hi Everyone,

Here is a question I never felt safe enough to talk about.  Should you disclose you have Bipolar Disorder at work?  I am feeling alone these days and one colleague knows I struggle with my mental illness. I don't want to tell my boss for fear of......not sure what.  Feels like I am holding a secret that I should be ashamed of....confused

I am feeling pretty down these last few days, and I know the Lithium is working (not suicidal thoughts), but everything feels pretty flat and....tasteless.  Is this what life is going to be like?

[Robbi50n63]

Amen, you got that right!

[LeftCoastChick]

It is in my work's company policy not to disclose medical issues, unless the company can accomodate you to ensure you can do your job properly, like special chairs and larger computer screens etc. I'm on longer term, and my company cannot ask the reason why, obviously the insurance company knows, but legally they can't pass the info along. I'm in Canada, so I'm sure it depends on where you live. I wouldn't though regardless of where I lived tell my manager, I've had 2 cut throat bosses who used my anxiety against me, to prove that I may not be able to do my job as well as others, even though my work performance shows I'm doing just fine.  If I did tell a manger, I would make sure that I had at least a couple of "glowing" performace reviews just to cover your backside.

[Melita80]

I totally agree with you.  I have pretty tough skin.  Words are what other people use as weapons ONLY if we see them as such (or somthing like that).  My work just happens to be fabulous.  I have no fear of retaliation.  I'm just lucky, I guess.  I couldn't keep a job longer than 6 months at a time before this one.  I would stress myself out so bad thinking everyone knew me and then I would just call in sick (too many times) because getting out of bed felt like too big of a chore.  Like trying to wake up from hybernation.  Then I would just quit.  My jobs stressed me out soooo bad, after I quit one I was hospitalized (not by my choice), then there was another one I quit and I found myself in the hospital for OD.   I never disclosed my bipolar to my previous employers.  This time I did and I've been here a year and a half, which is absolutely amazing for me.  

I seem to have more difficulty with my family.  For whatever reason my "problem" is my choice and "why don't I just get off the meds?"  I would think 2 suicide attempts would help them understand there is something seriously unbalanced in my head and way of thinking.  I should just learn to stop thinking...  

Regardless, I agree with everyone on here.  Everyone's opion is valid.  That's what makes us human...our differences.

I like that last part...blame it on the BP!!  Always do.

mel

[adel_ezz]

indeed BP is similar to diabetes no doubt and this is the 1st lesson we learn from our pdocs in order to facilitate life for us. You are speaking about monitoring the disease and that it will continue with you indefinitely (relapse-recovery) like coma etc... but it's a different story when it comes to the opinion of people regarding both.

Again don't underestimate the intelligence of others. When they need to kick you out from work, they will not tell please go away because you have BP. Of course not, but they will start to bother you or ask for things to do that BP pts can't do i.e. they will make you decide for yourself to quit. I hope not.

So as you said when I tell them i have BP I feel liberated INDEED, but I will feel even more liberated when they kick me out. Why? because BP puts a burden on us and any job I do is a stress even if it's a minor stress, so by being kicked out i will put the blame on my BP and not me.

Any word that comes out from your mouth can be taken against you. Since we have BP and by definition our thoughts keep fluctuating, think it twice and speak little.

I hope for you all the success in your work
ezz

[medicmommy]

Hello...
This is just from the perspective of a third party/observer who has lived with a spouse that is bipolar as well as is a health care provider...Were it me, I'd only tell family members, those who will understand you and not take advantage of your situation when you are at your worst (closest of friends), and your family doctor (or an ER Dr when necessary). I say this because, mental problems have an awful stigma that follow them. the general public is clueless and most think of any mental illness as a "voluntary weakness" and that a person can just "snap out of it"...So many times I've seen the faces of people (health care workers included) change, and mentally "pigeon hole" psychiatric patients. These patients are generally given less care and are more frequently "blown off"...Also, I've seen "stigma" follow people to new workplaces to the point it interferes with their employment...I think the advice that suggested, while at work, and having a "bipolar" day, it is okay to say you aren't feeling well, etc...this the general population can identify with and even empathize to...(((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))~MM

[Melita80]

To answer your question on whether or not to disclose your bipolar at work, I say with absolute conviction YES!  I told my boss during my interview to be hired.  Told her I would have many doctor's appointments due to this condition...yadda, yadda, yadda.  Um...and she hired me!

My coworkers are funny about it.  When I'm having a particularly bad day they'll ask me if I took my pills that morning.  I will warn people that I'm having a crazy day and they'll know to give me a bit more space than usual.  It's something I want to feel comfortable about and I want others to feel comfortable about it as well.  There is no reason bipolar should be associated with leprosy.  This should be your personal preference.  I am lucky enough to work with some amazing people and they could care less.  

But I tend to agree with 'bulldozer':  it depends on the people you work with.  I work in an office setting, so I don't feel weird about it at all.  If I was on a construction site with a bunch of dudes...well...then I would second guess the confession.

One of my coworkers actually thanked me for letting them know.  Think about it:  If someone at work told you they have diabetes, would that make you change the way you look at him/her?  I see our disorder as a life-long disease (unfortunetly).  My disease is in my head that I'll be monitoring for the rest of my life, just as diabetics do but for a their condition.  

Don't be ashamed of what you have.  Everyone has their issues, but some are too scared to say anything about it.  I believe you'll feel liberated.

Plus, on a professional level, if you do disclose this information (as I believe you should) and your employer (or employees) retaliate in some way, or you feel they are treating you different, you can sue the F out of them.  (I'm not saying sue everyone for no reason, this is a legitimate cause).  That's discrimination and thats why we have the EEOC to protect us from situations as these.  They can in NO way make the work environment different for you.  That's unlawful and any attorney would have a field day with that.  

Live like your hairs on fire and let it go!!

m

[faith_grl]

Thanks for the proverb...yeah I think he has discovered it himself this time. (he had known people who had bp) and we have been spending heaps of time together this month reviewing a stack of work. I will now try to keep my distance and if I have no business approaching him I won't. I don't like being too close to him it just doesn't feel right or safe.

I think you are right in saying that he is not my priest or counsellor. And I have asked for pay rises and promotions where I thought I was performing well (the mania helps sometimes!) and got them! Should be interesting to see what happens now that he knows I have bp....hmmmm

The more I think about it the more I think time will tell whether it was the right thing to do. If it was not then I can always go somewhere else and learn from this experience...

[adel_ezz]

Telling your boss you have BP is not like confessing to the priest that you commit sin. To disclose it will not be an excuse for your bad work especially it's a kind of mental illness. He will not find an excuse to accept a bad performance from you. I said before people with no BP get kicked out too. You have a job not out of charity and feeling pity towards you, but because they need someone competent for it. If you tell him i am not competent, so why the hell you applied for it and wasted their time interviewing you.

In my view the best thing is to try to perform the best as i can in work, keep low profile and never ask for promotion or an increased salary and leave the boss to decide my situation. Try to be friendly with people, remember their birthdays and get involved with them in any event. Don't approach the boss too much because one can't hide your mood swings for ever. Let them discover it.

About the boss it's hazardous to approach him too much even if you DON'T have BP. There is an Arab proverb " you can't guarantee your income even if it's huge, neither life itself even if you 're having a nice time, neither your wife even if you stayed together for long, nor the ruler/boss even if you approach him too much" because the latter if he feels that your existence will put him in a risk or jeopardize his own existence, you will be the 1st one to get rid of

good luck
adel    

[faith_grl]

I think it is ok to disclose if you feel safe that it wont' be used against you. For me I have told only one person (my boss) and the only reason is that he has asked me twice whether I have it and I keep fobbing him off with .."well thats debatable".

I didnt' want to tell him cause I dont' want it used against me but I got sick of fobbing him off and decided to take the risk. I feel that I owed him an explanation cause my work hasn't been as good as it could be (I have been abit manic in the last 2 weeks and have not been as careful as I should be) and also a promise to try and do better (i have also been taking sick leave when I feel too down to go to work..for me it is abit of a cop out). I also made it clear that I don't want to be handled with kid gloves and that having bipolar is no excuse for doing bad work...only a reason to try abit harder to get on top of this stuff.

I don't know whether it is the right thing to do though...and now my head has been spinning with - oh my gOD I really shouldn't have said that I must have been manic. Has other people had experiences whether disclosure led to positive or negative results?

[therese83]

I dont tell anyone at work.  I have seen mental illness my whole life with my Dad and I have no shame, but I'm noe telling anyone at work.  It is none of their business, I have seen the prejudice in action , dont tell them.  They will bring it into everything, decisions you make etc, if you disagree with them they can say anything in their own minds + disvalue your input.

If you feel bad just say" I feel really bad today I have no energy and i feel so down", that is OK, they can understand and deal with that, if you need some space or support or whatever, but dont give them the diagnoses.:-)

[2009toads]

Thanks everyone for the comments and suggestions.  It is when I feel low that I feel desperate to tell someone.  It may feel good for awhile but long term it is not good for my career.    

During times when I am feeling whole I realize there is no reason to disclose.  What is important is that I am able to do the work.  If I get really sick as I have in the past, I will need to disclose....I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

This is a great place to talk, I am thankful I have finally found something like this to share my BP experiences.

All the best.

[Narnia41]

I had to tell my employer I had BP but only as I'm on long term sick leave with it.  When I told them my diagnosis, the HR advisor didn't even know how to spell the word.  Adel is right, in general people do not understand Bipolar.

I'd keep it to yourself in a work setting, I cannot see any advantage at all to disclosing your illness to them.  

Personally I now feel that if and when I return to my job (currently awaiting reasonable accomodations to be made) that I will always be under scrutiny now as my boss knows about my illness.  It's a sad thing that in this day and age we still feel this dilemma whether or not to disclose, as though mental illness is something to be ashamed of.

Best wishes

[adel_ezz]

of course not. Why should you. Your colleagues to start with are not your friends. all they need from you is to perform well in your job and THAT IS ALL. It's none of their business. Besides, it can be used against you. If you check my yesterday post (help and urgent) , i found a new job only a month ago and i began to fluctuate the last 2 days so i panicked because i want to keep this job.

The stress that you are hiding something to them is nothing compared to the stress to start a new job somewhere else with a new bunch of colleagues. This is not a secret that you are hiding. You haven't stolen anything neither did something awful. It's you this way. No shame. Besides nobody understands it well. People think we are insane. They will not find excuses for you. The important thing now is to focus on being stable, like other meds, etc.. but make it gradual.

This feeling that life is tasteless is not that horrible and doesn't cause impairement. You know well it's the price we pay. Do you take any antidepressants, perhaps it's safe since you are on a MS.

As IADVOCATE said check your legal rights if you think it over. BUT in my view, you are not doing anything bad by not telling them this. OK if you are getting married say then your wife should know whom will be her partner, but in work it's only your performance which matters. Whether you have BP or not, people get kicked out and have no BP. So my final view. TWO things only to focus upon: your work to concentrate well in it and to get stabilized.
good luck. We are inn the same boat
ezz

[ILADVOCATE]

Actually have to put one more post in again because since your profile states you are from Canada there are different laws regarding disclosing your disability than the Americans with Disabilities Act. If you ever needed to speak to your employer about it your local independent living center could be of help. Here are the ones in Canada:
http://www.cailc.ca/

[RJ233]

People don't always understand bp and it carries a stigma of being unstable.Your illness is personal and you should not feel obligated to tell anyone if you don't want to. You aren't hiding anything, it is just a personal thing and I am sure everyone you work around does not share their personal illnesses with everyone there.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Depends. If you need a reasonable accomodation or say you needed some time off if you were going to change the Lithium or have another medication added (which might be an idea, Lamictal is one that worked for me) you would have to tell your supervisor in confidence at that time but they legally could not repeat it. As for your co-workers, it depends on the particular people. I certainly wouldn't make a group announcement. Tell the people you trust. And who knows some could have disabilities as well. But the important thing is how you disclose. You could say you have a disability or psychiatric disability. But don't talk about aspects of the bipolar. The idea that you have bipolar is a fact. How it affects you is your own personal business. Be judicious and disclose it in a positive manner. But your supervisor may be the one person you should disclose to in confidence and legally they can't repeat it or use it against you. Think about how it affects you and if there are any accomodations you need that could help you. I could give you more specific information if you want as to how the ADA applies.

[SilentRage]

I dont think you should disclose something like that. People are nice now but it can always be use against you in the end (sometimes).

[Venora Moonwind]

I look at it thi way My being bi polar isnt any different than being diabetic. How many people would you tell you are diabetic.
In my case since I bueld jet engines I have to disclose my bi polar and the meds I take as well as letting my boss know I am in therapy as well. It hasnt been a problem and everyone is cool about it. There are 3 others that are bi polar that I work with 2 are cool and one wont take his meds.
It is totally up to you to tell them if you want.I told the ones I trusted the most and I told my boss.
try to think of bi polar as being positive . It has made me the energetic. creative outgoing.warm and loving person I am today. Bi polar isnt always about the negative although we dwell on it because it impacts us the most. There are positives as well.

I hope this helps some. Keep coming here to talk. We understand like no one else can because we are bi polar and truly understand what you are going through.; This place is great to be a ble to talk to others that know what you do. It is free therapy. WE are here any time you need to talk. You are never alone and you are loved.
Love Venora

[bernie40]

We've had a few discussions on here about this subject and as you can expect there have been differing opinions.  You should be able to feel comfortable with disclosing this to your work without fear of recriminations but in the real world this isn't always the way.

I know what you mean about feeling like you are holding back a secret, but at the end of the day do they really need to know?

Each place of work is different and each boss/person is different.  I know that in my last job I could have safely told them and nothing would have changed but there are other places where I definitely wouldn't have told them.

Sorry it's not really a great answer but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone with this question.