648720 tn?1227637088

When to drop the bomb that you are bipolar!!??

Long time no see, things have been going great for me and you know that when things are good you dont need as much support, hopefully you all understand that, i know it sounds bad, so sorry.  

So recently I started talking with someone and have been on a date or two and they have gone very well ( in my opinion).  He has his life together from what I can tell, which is a change for me and i can see him as being a positive influence, in wanting to keep on track of my life now that I have found myself again.  I am however very scared of having to tell him I am bipolar because of what people think of it.  My medications have been adjusted well and I feel good.  I have never cycled or had alot of the problems/severity others have and for that i am blessed and my heart goes out to you.  

So back to the question!  How and when do I tell him?  There isn't just him that if this were to progress that this could affect, he has a child and that I know would be a huge factor in his decision and I completely understand that as I was a child of a bipolar parent. I feel that having a bipolar parent has helped me stay focused and keeping with my treatment/counsler because I saw first hand what going off treatment can do to a person and how it can affect family, I also know first hand what happens if not helped...as that my father eventually killed himself.  I know that I do not want that.  I know it hasn't even been close to saying we could be in a relationship, but since I was with my ex when i was diagnosed I haven't had to tell someone new about it and I am scared and worried...How to I do it?? and when is the right time?
7 Responses
585414 tn?1288941302
I myself just say I am a person with a psychiatric disability. It may sound p.c. and the like but people understand it factually. Its who you are and yes how people act, not what the diagnosis is. If he doesn't realize you have bipolar then things are going well for you. It shouldn't make a difference but yes of course it might in the eyes of people who don't understand it. But educate him. There are NAMI support groups for friends and family members. Having bipolar doesn't make you less able to raise a kid. A lot of the people who post here have children. It can be inherited and there is no specific genetic test for it but most people have children all the same and its not a problem but if it concerns him that much you could adopt a child. But having bipolar alone should not be a factor in the relationship but its important to make realize that. You are a functional person like most of us and just explain it factually. It may take him a while to come to terms with it but I would say if he loves and supports you he will.
663901 tn?1232649671
There's a real stigma attached to having any sort of "mental" issues.  People tend to think that we're crazy.  It bothered me for a long time, until I realized that hey, this is who I am.  I have issues.  I'm dealing with them, and am being treated.  A frank discussion is really in order here, if you're serious about this person and being a part of their life.  Be prepared to answer some questions, like, "what is bi-polar" "what does that mean, you have 'manic/depressive episodes'" "are you crazy?"  These are a few of the questions I've had asked.

I just started seeing this guy, and he happened to mention over dinner that one of his exes was on medication.  I took that as the perfect opportunity to let him know that I too, am on medication.  He was supportive, and it's not an issue.  Maybe you could sort of feel him out and see what his reaction is, and then plan accordingly.  Not much help, sorry, but if you're serious about this person, and they're serious about you, then you do need full disclosure, otherwise you'll be forever hiding your meds, and that gets really, really messy down the road......  I'd be interested in hearing what the outcome is.....  good luck!
674607 tn?1240017232
Clearly, although I wished it were otherwise, we cannot hide our MI from the world forever.  So the truth needs to be spoken if this connection is becoming a relationship (complete with child).

However, don't "drop the bomb" as you put it.  Take it sages.  Tell him your history and then offer to discuss BP with him the next time you meet.  This gives him some time to reflect on wlhat you have revealed and to do some research. Then, at your next date, he wll have had a chance to digest your revelations and may be better prepared to ask questions.

All the best!
674607 tn?1240017232
Sorry, a mistake crept into my previous post.  In the first line of the second paragraph, it should say "However, don't "drop the bomb" as you put it.  Take it in STAGES."
574118 tn?1305135284
In my view this is one of the most difficult questions to answer neatly and i happen to see it all the time in other forums whether you have BP, OCD etc,...But for BP it's crucial he has to know, because you may be cycling one day (hope not) and he may feel it's your unbearable bad temper then he will regret not to have known you exactly. So eventually it's a must that he should know. this is definite in my view and not subject to opinions. but the important part WHEN should he know? in my opinion this has to be done smoothly bit by bit when you will feel yourself that time has come. if he cares about you he will walk with you side by side and life will go on and on, especially if you don't decide marriage say quickly and i don't advise that in a hurry. but if you are heading at the moment for a longer relationship then take your time and it's you who will decide when is the right moment. be sure he himself must have his drawbacks, nobody is 100% perfect.  

i can see the reason of your concern. you thought if you tell him now then there is this possibility of deserting you, whereas if you wait until your relationship gets stronger then you would have cheeted him. in my view unless he is the sort of person who can understand then don't now. wait until things materialize well between you but then wait until a crossroad seems to appear like marriage say. but in a cohabitation for example why the hell he should know. this is your private business, and men like women - sorry to say it- but for love reasons more than anything else. i gather if i love a person that she is beautiful and sexy and forthcoming etc... i don't mind being the devil himself.

look, your life together will be plenty of hills and valleys and BP will be a small drop in the sea, so forget about it completely but eventually he will know and it will be you who will tell him when the time and need arrives
good luck
599170 tn?1300973893
I think its sad that the stigma is attached to bipolarism,,,,,if you had diabeates or cancer you wouldnt hesitate to tell its the same thing an illness that you cant control its not your fault,,You a good person who deserves love.
648720 tn?1227637088
I greatly appreciate the advice.  There were things I needed a reminder of!  I never thought that this was a common concern, i just thought i was stressing.  So its nice to know i am not the only one!  All of your advice will help me in finding the right time and also how to tell him, so thank-you!
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