Aa
Why do we always want to stop our medicine?
I mean, why is it that we always resort to this avenue when we feel reasonably "normal". Why is it that we forget that before we weren't reasonably "normal". I'm going through this now. I want to stop. I called my Psych NP and asked her about weaning off my medicine. She hasn't called back yet. My biggest reason,,I do feel normal, and my spouse is convinced that all my problems are in my head (no pun intended) and started when I started seeking help (e.g. medicine/counseling). Her most common question," How could I have lived with you for 23 years and not seen this?" Anyway, I've seen multiple people on here ask the same question about stopping their medication or considering it, is it an unconscious self destructive behavior.
And yes, I'm still considering going off my medicines, even though I have all these conflicting arguments going on in my head.
Rogelio
And yes, I'm still considering going off my medicines, even though I have all these conflicting arguments going on in my head.
Rogelio
Unfortunately, you don't know what how serious those consequences might be.
I was on Celexa for a long time and HATED the fact that it put so much weight on me; over one hundred pounds in the space of eight years. I went from being a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter to a total lump.
I worked out and ate right, but the best that I could do was hold at a certain weight for a year or two. And then, for whatever reason, I'd start gaining weight again, just out of the blue. I mean, there was a point where I was hitting the gym 4-5 days a week, keeping a food journal, eating correctly and I gained twenty five pounds in two months.
But, I decided it was time to take myself off of it and received a tapering schedule from a pdoc. Unfortunately, I moved was tapering down on the medication without being under the care of the doctor. I paid for it, BIG TIME. Once I got off of it, I started cycling like you wouldn't believe and it made it far worse when I got back on the medication. I was a wreck for five months; suicidal all of the time and ended up in the psych center twice. All because I tapered down off of 20mgs of Celexa and took six months to do so.
Now, there's a part of me that's glad that I came off of the medication because I dropped a lot of weight and it was agitating me. But, I should have done it under a pdocs care; PERIOD. There was a point where I saw a shrink that I didn't care for (very clinical and cold) and he wanted to diagnose me as BP. I stopped seeing him but had I continued treatment, I would have gotten the correct diagnosis quickly and became stable. But, he p-ssed me off, I didn't want to be diagnosed as BP, I wasn't rational, and I paid for it with another three months of h-ll.
Plus, to make matters worse, when things started going down hill, I started self medicating with chew and I have struggled to give it up.
I mean, you have to compare yourself to someone that has had a heart attack and needed open heart surgery. Are they ever going to be back to their 'normal' lifestyle or 'normal' self? No; they aren't and it is what it is. They have to take their medication, they have to continue follow-up treatment and that is all there is to it. If they choose not to then they'll probably have another heart attack and it could be fatal.
I'm going to be blunt here there are some folks that aren't paying attention; 30-50% OF UNTREATED BP FOLKS ATTEMPT OR COMMIT SUICIDE. They didn't even consider suicide UNTIL they took themselves off of their medications. Many of them probably told themselves that they'd just 'give it a try' and get back on them if they relapsed. But, you're not in a rational state of mind. When I was coming off of Celexa, there was a point where I said that I'd rather die than be back on it. I wasn't rational; in the beginning I told myself I get back on it if I had to and then everything went down the toilet. And, I was just tapering off of a minimal dose of an AD; I wasn't pulling myself off of three meds at once.
People on here seem to do their research on the 'terrible SEs' of their medication but they don't bother to pull up the darker statistics. If you want to risk being one of those one out of two-three folks that come off of medication and attempt to (or succeed at) committing suicide then that's your call. But it's not an educated not a rational thought process.
I was on Celexa for a long time and HATED the fact that it put so much weight on me; over one hundred pounds in the space of eight years. I went from being a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter to a total lump.
I worked out and ate right, but the best that I could do was hold at a certain weight for a year or two. And then, for whatever reason, I'd start gaining weight again, just out of the blue. I mean, there was a point where I was hitting the gym 4-5 days a week, keeping a food journal, eating correctly and I gained twenty five pounds in two months.
But, I decided it was time to take myself off of it and received a tapering schedule from a pdoc. Unfortunately, I moved was tapering down on the medication without being under the care of the doctor. I paid for it, BIG TIME. Once I got off of it, I started cycling like you wouldn't believe and it made it far worse when I got back on the medication. I was a wreck for five months; suicidal all of the time and ended up in the psych center twice. All because I tapered down off of 20mgs of Celexa and took six months to do so.
Now, there's a part of me that's glad that I came off of the medication because I dropped a lot of weight and it was agitating me. But, I should have done it under a pdocs care; PERIOD. There was a point where I saw a shrink that I didn't care for (very clinical and cold) and he wanted to diagnose me as BP. I stopped seeing him but had I continued treatment, I would have gotten the correct diagnosis quickly and became stable. But, he p-ssed me off, I didn't want to be diagnosed as BP, I wasn't rational, and I paid for it with another three months of h-ll.
Plus, to make matters worse, when things started going down hill, I started self medicating with chew and I have struggled to give it up.
I mean, you have to compare yourself to someone that has had a heart attack and needed open heart surgery. Are they ever going to be back to their 'normal' lifestyle or 'normal' self? No; they aren't and it is what it is. They have to take their medication, they have to continue follow-up treatment and that is all there is to it. If they choose not to then they'll probably have another heart attack and it could be fatal.
I'm going to be blunt here there are some folks that aren't paying attention; 30-50% OF UNTREATED BP FOLKS ATTEMPT OR COMMIT SUICIDE. They didn't even consider suicide UNTIL they took themselves off of their medications. Many of them probably told themselves that they'd just 'give it a try' and get back on them if they relapsed. But, you're not in a rational state of mind. When I was coming off of Celexa, there was a point where I said that I'd rather die than be back on it. I wasn't rational; in the beginning I told myself I get back on it if I had to and then everything went down the toilet. And, I was just tapering off of a minimal dose of an AD; I wasn't pulling myself off of three meds at once.
People on here seem to do their research on the 'terrible SEs' of their medication but they don't bother to pull up the darker statistics. If you want to risk being one of those one out of two-three folks that come off of medication and attempt to (or succeed at) committing suicide then that's your call. But it's not an educated not a rational thought process.
I have this type of conflicting argument in my head all the time. I go through it in cycles, really. For some period of time, I become optimistic and accepting of my meds, and then I'll read too many horror stories online for my own good, or I'll decide that I don't want to be on any medication at all, ever again, because I am so uncomfortable with that concept. I do understand the importance of taking the medication and I've never done the whole "well, I feel better now, so I can quit meds", but it's hard for me to realize that I might have to be on some sort of med for the rest of my life. This fact is made even harder for me to swallow (no pun intended) because I'm still quite young, and (hopefully) the rest of my life is a long time. I go between wanting to be a normal 22-year-old, to wanting to be an adult who is responsible and sensible when it comes to recognizing that I do have an illness that requires treatment. I've stopped taking many medications without telling my doctor. This is not something that I'm proud of, and I'm trying not to not do that anymore. I don't want to be branded "non-compliant". But I do understand the lure of just tossing the pills in the garbage and never looking back, whatever the consequences may be.
I am amazed my wife is still with me after dealing with my crap the last time I tapered off of a medication. I was not pleasant to be around, by any stretch of the imagination.
But, I do understand those folks that want to get on the right medication; not just being drowned in it. I mean, when the APs worked for me (which was rare, they agitate me), I was a total zombie. I was so out of it that I couldn't even call myself functional, especially given my profession.
But, my brother, who also deals with MI, and I have agreed that if it comes down to it, we'll turn ourselves into the undead. Being a part of the walking dead isn't fun but it's a whole lot better than being in the state that we were in.
But, I do understand those folks that want to get on the right medication; not just being drowned in it. I mean, when the APs worked for me (which was rare, they agitate me), I was a total zombie. I was so out of it that I couldn't even call myself functional, especially given my profession.
But, my brother, who also deals with MI, and I have agreed that if it comes down to it, we'll turn ourselves into the undead. Being a part of the walking dead isn't fun but it's a whole lot better than being in the state that we were in.
I too can relate to cycling with the seasons.
What really really made it sink in that I shouldn't mess with my meds, was the reaction of my sixteen year old daughter when I told her I was tapering off. Within two weeks she was in such a state of worry about me that she took herself to the GP who prescribed her anti anxiety pills and antidepressants. This hit me harder than a slap in the face.
It reminded me why I was taking them in the first place. I started taking them normally again from that day.
What really really made it sink in that I shouldn't mess with my meds, was the reaction of my sixteen year old daughter when I told her I was tapering off. Within two weeks she was in such a state of worry about me that she took herself to the GP who prescribed her anti anxiety pills and antidepressants. This hit me harder than a slap in the face.
It reminded me why I was taking them in the first place. I started taking them normally again from that day.
I used to focus on the diagnosis a lot too because I would cycle so hard with the sun. It wasn't cycling with the seasons; if the sun came out, I'd go get agitated and manic. If it became overcast (even within the same HOUR) I'd crash. Sometimes I would cycle a little differently than that, but the weather was generally a factor.
My shrinks started to wonder if I didn't have a severe form of SAD versus BP2, but I had to stop focusing on it. I am on BP medications, I am stable and it doesn't matter to me.
I mean, there are times when I hate the medications; I teach secondary math and am an aspiring writer. I get tired of struggling through some math lessons because my I'm dulled down. I HATE it when I am writing and can't come up with words, have to use a thesaurus all day long, or do a word search because I have used a term four times in every paragraph.
But, I am functional; at least I have the ability to write and do complex math problems. If I weren't on my medications, I would be cycling so hard I wouldn't be able to leave the house or I'd be down in the psych center, yet again...
I mean, very few of my close BP friends have had to sit in the psych center for a week, away from my family, home and friends. One pulled herself off of her meds last year, ended up in hospital and NOW she finally gets it.
My shrinks started to wonder if I didn't have a severe form of SAD versus BP2, but I had to stop focusing on it. I am on BP medications, I am stable and it doesn't matter to me.
I mean, there are times when I hate the medications; I teach secondary math and am an aspiring writer. I get tired of struggling through some math lessons because my I'm dulled down. I HATE it when I am writing and can't come up with words, have to use a thesaurus all day long, or do a word search because I have used a term four times in every paragraph.
But, I am functional; at least I have the ability to write and do complex math problems. If I weren't on my medications, I would be cycling so hard I wouldn't be able to leave the house or I'd be down in the psych center, yet again...
I mean, very few of my close BP friends have had to sit in the psych center for a week, away from my family, home and friends. One pulled herself off of her meds last year, ended up in hospital and NOW she finally gets it.
Well,,the other thing is,,,I don't think I've gotten a clear,"Yes, you have BPD" from my psych. I was a physician at one time, now I'm an RN,,long story, but I want a diagnosis, I want some finality. Am I on meds that are given to people with BPD? Yep. Do I have the symptoms? I believe so. I think part of the reason for me wanting to do this is that no one has said," Hey there Rodger, now you know you have BPD right?"
Then at least I would know what to expect and be more likely to stay on the medications.
Rodger
Then at least I would know what to expect and be more likely to stay on the medications.
Rodger
Things to bear in mind:
1. When we become stable and the SEs become bothersome, we self-diagnosing and those around us do the same. Because we're stable, we start to focus on the medications especially when we have to take them three or four times a day. We become reactive, versus proactive; we get frustrated with the medication, feel 'normal' and feel that the meds are causing all of the problems.
2. We always remember our manic episodes and miss them. However, we forget the stupid, irrational things that we did while manic or the depression that followed. Again, we blame the medication for 'taking the joy out of our lives'. This is especially true with medications that make people feel flat. Bear in mind; being emotionally flat is a happy medium and it's better than the alternative.
3. We let people around us influence out decisions and that's bad news. There are only two people whose opinions you should consider; yours and your p/doc. It is irresponsible for those around you to give you advice when you're dealing with BP disorder.
4. Just because a medication worked for you once doesn't mean that it'll work for you again if you taper off of it. I had this experience with a medication and it was terrible. It kept me stable for 10 years, I decided that I didn't want to take it anymore and tapered off. I started cycling again, got back on it and it didn't work. In fact, it exacerbated things. If you stick with your medications and have a relapse, at least you'll have something to work off of. If you come off of the meds and relapse, you may have a terrible time getting things back in order.
5. Everyone says that they will proceed with caution when coming off of meds but the withdrawals from them and the disorder itself skews our judgment. When you need to get back on the medication, you won't be rational and you'll probably fight it; especially if you're manic.
6. The biggest statistic: up to fifty percent of BP patients that go untreated attempt suicide. Again; the poor judgment caused by coming off of medication can cause you to do some terrible things. I had a friend a few years back that went off of her Lithium; she said that she would watch for the obvious signs that the disorder was creeping back in. She became manic, ignored everyone's advice, crashed and swallowed a pharmacy full of pills. And, one out of every two or three people in her position will do the same thing.
7. If you are stable and functional in society, than why mess around with it? You're taking a big gamble by going off of your medications; you have some level of certainty when you're taking the medications. When you stop, it's a crap shoot.
Now, everyone around here thinks that my opinion on this is over-zealous, but everything I post is true. You don't want to end up like me; pulling yourself off of a medication and then ending up in the psychiatric center three times because of it. But, I can't say 'live and learn' in these situations because, if you go off of your meds, the 'live' portion of that statement may not be applicable. Remember; 30-50% suicide attempt rate; the stats don't lie. And, I imagine that number could be low; those are just the reported cases. There could be a lot of folks out there that attempted suicide, didn't succeed, didn't hurt themselves badly and never went into the hospital.
1. When we become stable and the SEs become bothersome, we self-diagnosing and those around us do the same. Because we're stable, we start to focus on the medications especially when we have to take them three or four times a day. We become reactive, versus proactive; we get frustrated with the medication, feel 'normal' and feel that the meds are causing all of the problems.
2. We always remember our manic episodes and miss them. However, we forget the stupid, irrational things that we did while manic or the depression that followed. Again, we blame the medication for 'taking the joy out of our lives'. This is especially true with medications that make people feel flat. Bear in mind; being emotionally flat is a happy medium and it's better than the alternative.
3. We let people around us influence out decisions and that's bad news. There are only two people whose opinions you should consider; yours and your p/doc. It is irresponsible for those around you to give you advice when you're dealing with BP disorder.
4. Just because a medication worked for you once doesn't mean that it'll work for you again if you taper off of it. I had this experience with a medication and it was terrible. It kept me stable for 10 years, I decided that I didn't want to take it anymore and tapered off. I started cycling again, got back on it and it didn't work. In fact, it exacerbated things. If you stick with your medications and have a relapse, at least you'll have something to work off of. If you come off of the meds and relapse, you may have a terrible time getting things back in order.
5. Everyone says that they will proceed with caution when coming off of meds but the withdrawals from them and the disorder itself skews our judgment. When you need to get back on the medication, you won't be rational and you'll probably fight it; especially if you're manic.
6. The biggest statistic: up to fifty percent of BP patients that go untreated attempt suicide. Again; the poor judgment caused by coming off of medication can cause you to do some terrible things. I had a friend a few years back that went off of her Lithium; she said that she would watch for the obvious signs that the disorder was creeping back in. She became manic, ignored everyone's advice, crashed and swallowed a pharmacy full of pills. And, one out of every two or three people in her position will do the same thing.
7. If you are stable and functional in society, than why mess around with it? You're taking a big gamble by going off of your medications; you have some level of certainty when you're taking the medications. When you stop, it's a crap shoot.
Now, everyone around here thinks that my opinion on this is over-zealous, but everything I post is true. You don't want to end up like me; pulling yourself off of a medication and then ending up in the psychiatric center three times because of it. But, I can't say 'live and learn' in these situations because, if you go off of your meds, the 'live' portion of that statement may not be applicable. Remember; 30-50% suicide attempt rate; the stats don't lie. And, I imagine that number could be low; those are just the reported cases. There could be a lot of folks out there that attempted suicide, didn't succeed, didn't hurt themselves badly and never went into the hospital.
I agree with with what everyone has written. It's not easy to admit that you need a pill (or pills) to get through your day. Especially when you are feeling "normal". After all, "normal" people don't need pills. And we all want to be in that group. We all want to be that "one in a thousand" person that can manage this "beast" without the drugs. Like Icarus, we all want to soar up into the skies, free of what ties us to the Earth. But, like Icarus, we fly so high that our wings eventually come apart from the heat and we wind up drowning in a deep blue sea. Meds are no fun. The side effects are sometimes brutal. And the cost of many of them are astronomical. I thought the mortgage on my home (paid off now, thank the Lord.) was bad, but my monthly med bill makes that look like "chump change". Honestly, who wouldn't want to get off these meds? I do. We all do. But for many of us, they are the only viable means of control to keep us flying in that sweet spot between the sun and the sea so we can get through our days without crashing. By no means is it a perfect situation, but the alternative... we've all been there.
As for the bit about the loved one(s) "not seeing this", I think that our loved ones are the ones in which we are actually the most successful in deceiving. Maybe not intentionally. But these are generally the people that we know the best. We generally try to put our best side forward to these people and hide our flaws. In my own case, my family and friends didn't have a clue anything was wrong until I attempted suicide. I was a "world class actor" in front of them.
As for the bit about the loved one(s) "not seeing this", I think that our loved ones are the ones in which we are actually the most successful in deceiving. Maybe not intentionally. But these are generally the people that we know the best. We generally try to put our best side forward to these people and hide our flaws. In my own case, my family and friends didn't have a clue anything was wrong until I attempted suicide. I was a "world class actor" in front of them.
Well its been a long time since I was off medication completely (being that I have schizoaffective disorder and require an antipsychotic I had to go to the psych. hospital to start treatment, that was almost 2 decades ago) but when I first signed up here I was off a mood stabilizer (because they couldn't find one I could tolerate, not by decision) and I do go back through my original journal entries and posts and see they are overstated and somewhat grandiose and lacking judgment and this carried over into the outside world and did have some consequences.
When stability occurs it is what everyone is seeking but people forget what it was like before treatment was started as it seems natural (and in some ways it is, medication is bringing a biochemical imbalance back to normal). However they could not really track the recovery rate of the antipsychotic I am on without a mood stabilizer as I was rapid cycling and much else. If you are doing well on the medication you are on best to remain on it. If you have any concerns about the specific medication you are on and have difficulty tolerating it just ask about available options. If your psychiatrist hasn't called back its because the idea might make them uncomfortable but they should discuss it with you and explain it further.
When stability occurs it is what everyone is seeking but people forget what it was like before treatment was started as it seems natural (and in some ways it is, medication is bringing a biochemical imbalance back to normal). However they could not really track the recovery rate of the antipsychotic I am on without a mood stabilizer as I was rapid cycling and much else. If you are doing well on the medication you are on best to remain on it. If you have any concerns about the specific medication you are on and have difficulty tolerating it just ask about available options. If your psychiatrist hasn't called back its because the idea might make them uncomfortable but they should discuss it with you and explain it further.
I am slowly being weaned off my meds with the support of my pdoc, he doesnt beleive I will last without them and already has the med he will put me on if I need it but he is supporting my decision. I think for me it is denial, I have only been diagnosed a year or so ago and although I can remember how bad it was I am in some what denial and think that I just had a nervous breakdown and that I am fine now and not Bipolar. I guess for me I have to try without meds to convince myself that I need them ( if in fact I do, if in fact I am Bipolar ) I still have this little person in my head saying I am not. I guess time will tell.
These posts really help me understand why mu huband after being diagnoed 9 onths gor with PB (after trying to commit suicide) is now off medications (he stopped on his oen 1 months ago.
All I can see is, being on the other side of the situation, as the care giver and the loved one of somebofy with BP, that though th emeds are rally bad in terms of side effects, it is a burden to the BP person to go back to where they were before stopping, somewhat 'stable'. My husband in less than 2 months having stopped is already 'slwoyly getting worse and it is to bad, because he was slowly but for sure getting bettter.
Think about the beniefits only, your helath, ho wimportant you are to the people arond you.
I told my husband that his 3 yearold still needs dad to be Healthy and Alive, at least, for another 30 years! I keep telling him that not olny he is bing irresponsibel with himself, but to his family!
WE have all been extremely supportive, undersantding and loving, tohugh the last 8 months have been Hell specially for me (my husband did everything you can think a BP person can do when Manic (+Psychotic).
And I also told him, you are in charge of your life and future. The key to a longer , healtheir future is in your hands. So when you stop taking the meds, you are chossing NOT to be around your family for too long.
DO NOT STOP taking your meds!
Take care
V
All I can see is, being on the other side of the situation, as the care giver and the loved one of somebofy with BP, that though th emeds are rally bad in terms of side effects, it is a burden to the BP person to go back to where they were before stopping, somewhat 'stable'. My husband in less than 2 months having stopped is already 'slwoyly getting worse and it is to bad, because he was slowly but for sure getting bettter.
Think about the beniefits only, your helath, ho wimportant you are to the people arond you.
I told my husband that his 3 yearold still needs dad to be Healthy and Alive, at least, for another 30 years! I keep telling him that not olny he is bing irresponsibel with himself, but to his family!
WE have all been extremely supportive, undersantding and loving, tohugh the last 8 months have been Hell specially for me (my husband did everything you can think a BP person can do when Manic (+Psychotic).
And I also told him, you are in charge of your life and future. The key to a longer , healtheir future is in your hands. So when you stop taking the meds, you are chossing NOT to be around your family for too long.
DO NOT STOP taking your meds!
Take care
V
I can so relate to this post. I am always wanting to go off my medicines. Even now it is hard to get my head around the idea of taking meds every day, even when your feeling well.
The last time I tried to lower my AP by myself I felt terrible and ended up on a higher dose than before for my trouble, and I am probably not the only one who has done this!
I agree with adel about 'not wanting to be a slave to drugs' and Xila about taking for granted the benefits of medication. I also think I must have an inner optimist that refuses to believe that I have a lifelong illness and believes that someday I won't 'need' to take them because I will be fine. I guess you could call it denial.
The last time I tried to lower my AP by myself I felt terrible and ended up on a higher dose than before for my trouble, and I am probably not the only one who has done this!
I agree with adel about 'not wanting to be a slave to drugs' and Xila about taking for granted the benefits of medication. I also think I must have an inner optimist that refuses to believe that I have a lifelong illness and believes that someday I won't 'need' to take them because I will be fine. I guess you could call it denial.
I can agree with adel_ezz. When I relapsed from having to go from a high dose medicine to a low dose medicine because the old one wasn't out of my system entirely, I haven't recovered as much as I did the first time. I was told that each time a person with bipolar disorder relapses, they will recover less than the last time just like with my illness which should be incentive for us all to stay on our meds. As for why people decide to stop taking meds, I think it's the same reasons Xila31 says along with some other ones. People ask me how I remember to take my meds and in all honesty I tell them it's because I'm scared of what I'm like without them.
I think it is many reasons. "I'm cured!" comes to mind. >.> Also like adel_ezz said and not wanting to be a slave to medicine. Or because of cost. "I'm better now, I really need that $ to buy some groceries instead." Just to feel free again, even though routine is good for us.
Sometimes I think about my glasses and how I dont' see the world through my real eyes. I see the world behind glass. Same wth medicine. We're looking at the world through the help of our medicine. I forget sometimes that I can't see, and take it for granted. But the second my glasses comes off, I can't see anything! I can't even see clearly for 2 inches! Same with my medicine. I struggle. The medicine helps me but I don't think about that, because I am still having trouble. When I don't take it on my blood test days, I can really see a difference! (Even though I'm still not completely stable yet.)
Does that make sense? Once we feel better, we take it for granted.
Sometimes I think about my glasses and how I dont' see the world through my real eyes. I see the world behind glass. Same wth medicine. We're looking at the world through the help of our medicine. I forget sometimes that I can't see, and take it for granted. But the second my glasses comes off, I can't see anything! I can't even see clearly for 2 inches! Same with my medicine. I struggle. The medicine helps me but I don't think about that, because I am still having trouble. When I don't take it on my blood test days, I can really see a difference! (Even though I'm still not completely stable yet.)
Does that make sense? Once we feel better, we take it for granted.
i don't advise you to do that. I did it once in 2006 and never became the same again. My meds have increased too. Everyday i remember this date and regret it
as to your question why we do this once we feel alright is because we think it's shameful to be a slave of some drugs. Also the drugs sedate us so we want to free our mind. But remember that BP is a surplus of energy in the brain so by sedating it you delay the risk of destructing it.
speak with your pdoc of a prophylactic dose (maintenace dose)
as to your question why we do this once we feel alright is because we think it's shameful to be a slave of some drugs. Also the drugs sedate us so we want to free our mind. But remember that BP is a surplus of energy in the brain so by sedating it you delay the risk of destructing it.
speak with your pdoc of a prophylactic dose (maintenace dose)
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