advice needed

[amcl19]

I have major mood swings and get extremely suicidal and majorly happy and it can happen in the blink of an eye.

I get extremely irritated with my partner and family over really petty things but at the time to me they seem like the worse thing possible. I can just wake up and feel like crying or really angry at my partner for no real reason.

I have had a very bad childhood and a abusive relationship. I've been on antidepressants since I was 15 but they don't seem to touch my moods. It's ridiculous and I don't know what's wrong with me. I've had tones of counselling and CBT and my moods are still extremely erratic.

Anyone any ideas/suggestions.

My mum thinks bipolar. I'm now 22. I feel embarrassed going to the doctor and saying I think I have bipolar when I don't have a clue.

[Bubulous]

I understand your frustration.  It is likely that you have a mood disorder, maybe even bipolar.  You have tried CBT and anti-depresants and that is a good start but don't feel like you have done everything.  Healing in this situaion takes time and often different medications that can help.
Don'y go into the dr and tell them that you think you are bipolar.  The dr will be the one that diagnoses you.  I would start journaling and keepng a log of your mood swings and behavior so that the dr has something work with. There is also a mood tracke on this websitet that I like to use along with the journaling on here.  You can journal here or d it on paper but f you do it on here you will have to priint it out.
You are going to be ok.  We have been through this.

[persephonedemeter]

I think going back to seeing a paychiatrist is a good idea, especially if you feel that you were misdiagnosed or suspect you have bipolar disorder, and from what you have described, it sounds like you have cause to suspect it. It actually isn't a good idea to diagnose self without an objective  eye on the diagnosis.

For other reasons, it is a good idea to get an opinion, or like you are doing here, asking for help. The antidepressants you were on either weren't enough to help or were not working, I also think counseling and CBT isn't enough, because of your age and your childhood hostory. It also sounds like you need guidance, learning and practicing good ways to deal with and respond to adversoty, conflicts and strangely enough, support. With a bad childhood and abusive parents, the basic ground and immediate role models is not there. So, it would make sense to learn what you don't know, practice and build it up.

Other people may have been a cornerstone in your past that helped to nurture you and who you gravitated to for support. It would be great if you can continue to allow that to happen. People who surround themselves with positive, kind, thoughtful people not only provide support for themselves but also tend to have all the things they like about those "nontoxic" people rub off on them, become more self assured, encouraged and happier.

I found CBT, right  medication, and good support (family, friends, doctor, therapist, etc.) to be very helpful, but it goes one step further. I also learned, sounded things out on situations where I felt I needed more direction on how to handle things or myself, and learn how to act and do things better. When you only know and respond to things with what you know and how you are used to dealing with those situations, feelings, and all. Changing perspective and habit isn't always easy or comfortable, can be a bit scary because it is so out of the comfort zone, but with practice, just becomes natural. For example, sometimes when  I and whoever I am asknng for advice or help, we would role play and practice a situation to make it a little less intimidating or get a feel for whatever gets thrown at me or the other person, That is a learning experience too. We generally talk about that exercise afterwards, get some insights, make suggestions, ask questions and whatever else gets generated from it, like feelings.

I ask my therapist to help me develop those skills. Even my psychiatrist will give me pointers. They are good and positive people who I like as people, essentially. Medical folk do not have to guide me, Just people who I admire and respect and who seem to know how to overcome and deal with things really well, seem happy and are supportive, All the things I like. I see them as mentors, role models, and allies as well as good counsel. Then, I take it all in to myself. I also read and learn that way too. However, it's always a lot better when there is more than just reading and actually getting the practice, feedback and encouragement from doing things and having a person or people just being there and for support,

I personallly think it takes more than drugs, good nutrition, exercise  and therapy to get better or have a change. It's also not one thing to change mental health.