how to make/help your spouse understand BP

[Jester2005]

Long story short, my common-law partner of nearly 6 years still doesn't "get it". He thinks that I "choose" to be like this. I feel he should know better as his mother is also BP. We are seeing a couples' counsellor right now (we only get a few sessions, but at least it's a start - going to 2nd one today) but he has yet to read any articles, links, etc that I've given him to make him understand. He said something the other day along the lines of "what? if I read it and understand it then all of this is OK?" referring to my outbursts. I said "no, but maybe you'll sympathize/empathize more" and he basically rolled his eyes at me (at least that's how I remember it - I could be wrong, but either way he still wasn't responsive the way I wanted him to be).

I know I can't make him do anything, but is there anything I can do to, um, what words am I looking for? F* it, how do I make him understand? Read stuff on BP and its symptoms/affects on the individual who has the BP? Empathize and sympathize my condition. I just want him to stop getting mad at my symptoms because then I get more mad or sad and then this leads to a huge fight.

Losing concentration now and feeling rushed... have to leave for this appointment but get ready first, fun fun...
check back later


thx in advance!

[vsantos]

So IRONIC!!!!!
   I'm on the opposite end and with an opposite situation. since my husband of 12 years was diagnosed with BP 6 months ago (had a Major Manic Episode, suicide attempt, big time psychotic) and told me to go to Hell ...all I've been doing is read, read, read and try to understand this very delicate/difficult to understand Illness.
     My situation is different is the sense that I'm trying to be supportive/understanding and he doesn't want my help, when he was Manic he told me he wanted to divorce, told the world horrible things about me, the real bad Chaos lasted at least 3-4 months...and if I hadn't educated myself about BP, the meds, course of treatment not only I would've left him, but I would've been so confused and depressed (to hear the man you've loved for 12 years, real nice relationship tell you horrible things---it's tough).

  My suggestion is to give your husband educational materials, but see what works best for him, reading materials, video, workshops , you know different people learn differently. If he loves you he MUST understand and be compassionate (speaking as a dedicated wife of a recent diagnosed Bipolar).
   And trust me, things are still very 'complicated' for us right now ( 6 months into diagnose) but I'm willing to give it more time so the meds and my husband bounces back and I can see that at least 80% of the man I've known for 12 years is back!!! the I can make a clear/fair decision as to whether we should stay together.
    But I can't see any other way for coping with a BP spouse, if not lots of Education !!!!!! AND the non-BP spouse also needs to find an outlet (friends/family) to vent at times, taking care of myself and my needs/emotions has been extremely helpful as we move forward in this new Journey.

   As for you, take care of your self, take your treatment serious---so you can live a Healthy, productive life.
   Best of Luck!

[Jester2005]

He won't go to groups - yet. I've changed his mind about counselling so maybe it's just a matter of time before he agrees to group meetings, too.

Advocate, do you have any links to sites that are short and easy to read? I want to learn more about my BP(II) even if he doesn't. I find that if it's longer than a page or two I lose interest in it. Do you have any suggestions? Thanks again for everything you do for me! I really appreciate our friendship :)

P.S. in session today he said that one of the things he's working on distinguishing the difference between me and the illness. Just the fact that he vocalized that makes me feel better, knowing that he's not as "ignorant" (for lack of better words than I can come up with) as I thought he was. He KNOWS that there's a "Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde" in me - he just needs to learn how to react to each of them, I think.

[ILADVOCATE]

He really should be more sympathetic to you and understanding especially about what bipolar is. Updating himself with information is not really hard to do. NAMI friend and family support groups can be a good start though.