Bipolar and disability

[Crystlas]

Ok, so I have made this total observation since I have entered the world of bipolar therapy.  First of all, I noticed in a therapy group this summer that the other bipolars were on disability and using the whoa is me routine.  Then I interned with a company that helps people with mental illness in order to complete my studies and graduate with my social work degree...same story.  Then I get majorly depressed after graduation (could not find a job, relationship problems, no sunlight etc...) and end up in a mental hospital for evaluation and a med check. All the other patients were on disability and had lots of whoa is me stories.  Then I enter an after care program for coming out of the hospital and it is the same darn thing.   I am now so scared of being bipolar for I DO NOT want to surcome to this disorder and I want to A) Be a successful social worker B) Get married to the most wonderful fellow and have a happy, stable marriage C) Adopt a child with him  and D) Ofcourse be happily stable with my medications.  Can bipolars lead fairly stable lives and highly function??  I am so afraid that it will get bad for me and I will end up a "Whoa is me".  I want to earn a living and not give into using disability as a means of income.  I understand that some people need it, but gosh, I am a mixed state Bipolar I and I am fighting it with not drinking, a good diet, exercise and taking my meds every day like I am supposed to.  If I am bipolar I and can fight this to maintain a stable life then why can bipolars get disability??  Is it using the system or will mine get that bad where I will have no choice?  Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am hoping for some excellent feedback.  Thanks!

[JillthePill77]

CONGRATS from me too.  What an exciting time.

[Crystlas]

(((hugs))) and big thank you's!   I wallowed for about two days, now I can not wait for him to leave, we so need this break.  I do need to learn to be bipolar by myself and this will give me time to get stable.  He has been nuts lately and I think he is conflicted about leaving and now I am so ok with it.  I am looking forward to me me me time.  He needs his space too.  He has a good therapist to see in his hometown and mine is wonderful too.  I am going to relax, get some quilting done, spring clean and enjoy the budding flowers.  I feel pretty stable today even though he was a jerk this morning.  He really is a good, kind hearted fellow.  He is just in pain and grief over what happened and told me he is having a hard time living here, where it happened, right now.  So, ladies... I am actually looking happily towards the up and coming peace and quiet!  Thanks!  

[johnniee]

I hear lots about bipolar. Just what is it ? How does a person act that is bipolar?

[crzychick]

Thank you (on engagement).  

I agree with DLA and saying that the separation will do YOU good also.

Going to quote you for a moment.  "I am very medication compliant.  And I really do not want to be suicidal again."  I never had an attempt but I had SERIOUS thoughts of suicide and that is what sent me for help, well my daughter is what saved me, because without her I would have followed thru.  But even with my meds I still have times when those thoughts come back.  

I had a go round with them just a few months ago.  I told my b/f,  erm. fiance  lol about them, yes it scared him, but he stayed with me kept talking with me, kept me busy and distracted me until they pasted.  I guess I'm "lucky" if you want to call it that in the fact I'm a mixed and my moods change often.  We got thru it.  After he had loads of questions, he still has trouble "getting" it all but he's still here.

He asked how could I feel that way when I have him and my daughter that love me?  I told him that even when I'm down I KNOW that they love me but somehow it gets screwed around in my head that they would be better off without me.  That I'm not doing it to hurt them.  That in my head it's a warped kind of love.  Doing them a favor of not having to deal with me anymore.

I'll shut up now, er for now.  LOL  Oh but us beepers love to go on and on.

((HUGS)) Just hang in there, It'll all come out in the wash as my Aunt says.  Calm down and figure you out first.

[DLA]

Crystlas, I know that him leaving is the hardest thing, but YOU really need the time to heal yourself and figure out exactly what you want from your life and how you can live as a bipolar independently.

At 20 I got married, divorced at 22 and knew something was wrong with me.  At 25 I was finally dx with Bipolar II (?  rapid cycler) and ADHD.  Spent the next year getting myself to the place I needed to be before I would let myself be with anybody else.  It is the absolute best thing I ever did for myself.

I'm now 38 and the bipolar is just something that is and not something I dwell on everyday.  Don't have the horrible mood swings that would send me off the moon or in the bowels of he//.  Still have my days, and Lord knows I welcome the ocassional mild mania phases I have  ;-) and the depression doesn't usually last very long, if it does it's time to change meds.  But it is not something I have to spend time dwelling on any more.  The whole reason I'm on here is to try and help ppl who are new to this or are struggling to let them know there is a positive outcome to this and you can live normally with it.

Take the time to learn to be comfortable with yourself and your mental health.  You'll be a much better partner to be with.

[Crystlas]

Thanks for the post back!  Also, CONGRATS on your engagement.  We broke our engagement when I got home from the hospital, a month ago, and tried to be re-engaged and things got worse.  I gave him the ring back and told him to give it to me when he is ready.  We had it out again a few days ago.  Reasons..I am so afraid he is going to leave me for good and scared to hurt him with a relapse. He keeps reliving what happened and feels that he lost trust for me.  We love each other, yes, but things are so rocky because of what happened.  Now, he is leaving to go stay with his folks for a few months so that we can both clear our heads about this and get a clean break from each other.  We do still plan to marry one day but a healing time is in need.  I am better about him leaving today than the past few days when he announced it to me.  I am going to miss him so much, but I can concentrate on healing too.  He is just waiting for his work transfer to go through so that he can go live with his parents while working at his job there.  Then he will transfer back.  He is also going to see his therapist that he has used in the past to deal with a lot of this.  I have been a blubbering mess for three days and today I am starting to get a grip on it all.  This is so tough.  Oh, as for him feeling comfortable with my meds, he does not worry.  I am very medication compliant.  And I really do not want to be suicidal again.  I do not want him to have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life.  Thank you for your help, it means a lot to me.

[crzychick]

I got turned down my first try.  I am using an attorney that takes her fee from the settlement.  So if I don't win she doesn't get paid.  In other words she doesn't take cases she doesn't feel she can't win.  Bad side is that she told me is that it might take up to 15 months for it to go thru.  But most of that is because of the court system and the back up in cases has the docket full.  But when it does go thru I get the back pay from the date I filed and she gets a % of it for her fee.  So it doesn't really hurt me to hire her because without her I wouldn't have the money anyhow.

As long as you work with your Pdoc and stay on your meds.  You and your fiance keep an eye of you and watch for warning signs that you need a med tweek you should be just fine.  I could go on and on about things to do right but I've read your posts and you've done your homework.  Try not to worry so much.

At least you "know" you have a heath issue and are on top of it.  Many ppl don't or are in denial of it.  Take care of yourself, allow yourself to have down times and don't try to be superwoman.  Even "normie's" LOL  have trouble with doing it ALL.  

I too am engaged (as of this past Friday).  He is wonderful and has known from day one about my BP.  There are times he would like to strangle me (in a joking way) when I start to go a bit manic and I don't sleep because he worries.  He also gets confused about my depression (even with meds I cycle but just not as bad/deep) but he stands beside me and after almost 2 yrs of it he still loves me "warts and all".  

As for your fiance and your suicide attempt.  He's still there, that is the important thing.  The most important thing.  It happened not to long ago if I remember right.  It is going to take a while for him to SEE and TRUST that the new med combo is working.  That you are not just saying I'm ok.   Blowing smoke.  That one day he will come in and find you.  It's not that he loves you less.  He fears loosing you.  Hang in there.  Give him and you both more time.  It took time to fall in love to begin with.  

Would he feel better if you had one of those weekly pill boxes that you could fill with the meds you needed then give him the bottles with the extra meds.  He would know the extra was safe and out of your reach.  I know that sounds like treating you like a child (but since you would be doing it together and it's your idea it shows maturity)  it would show him you trust him and that you love him and never want to go there again.  Just a suggestion.

[Crystlas]

I actually filed right after I got diagnosed and got turned down.  I too, have not worked for a year.  I have been dealing with the craziness of not being stabilized.  I guess it is just that I want to beat this and have a career before settling down at an older age and have to be on disability.  When that time comes I will.  Also, if this gets to be too much for me to handle I will have to file.  I have just seen people take advantage of the system.  I have also seen others that really need it.  I am aslo scared that I will not beat this and be so off balance that I will be "disabled".  I want to try to be on the right meds and enjoy a good career run this time in my life.  I am scared of what this disorder may do to me.  It is bad enough right now trying to get the meds to work right and having such issues with my boyfriend.  We were engaged and starting to plan a wedding when all heck broke loose.  Now we are so traumatized by what happened and I don't know where that is going to land me.  

[crzychick]

Different meds + Different people = Different side effects

That is why there are so many meds out there.  True there aren't many listed as approved as for BP alone.  Many were developed for other problems then found to help those dealing with BP.

If you find you are having problems with your current med speak up to your Dr.

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To Crystlas -  I'm glad you've found a good mix that is working for you.  I've followed your posts on here and the ups and downs you've gone thru.  I know it's h e l l getting there and such a relief to finally feel "normal".  Just keep monitoring yourself and stay healthy.  Don't worry if you would have to tweek the meds it's not a set back it's just your body getting used to the current combo.

Your positive attitude shows the rest that this condition can be brought to task.  That you can work with it.  Even if you should have to take time off as JillthePill mentioned it's not something to be ashamed of.  It shows strength to know that we sometimes have to take a break and take care of us first.  So to answer your orginal question more.  Disability is not bad in that way if used temporarily in your case since you seem to see it in a bad light.

I am filing for it, will not go into the whys.  I'm not working and haven't for over a yr.  I don't judge those that do or don't, each have their reasons or other conditions that put them on the road to filing.

[Jillew]

Wow that is kewl. How total opposites work for people. Amazing!

[JillthePill77]

It's a funny thing.  Lithium was really toxic for me and Depakote was my salvation.  However, I have noticed that I am a lot happier as I am going off of it.  Not manic happy, just laughing more and enjoying things.  I'm a little nervous about the next titration, though.

[Jillew]

OMG depakote is a terrible terrible drug... I have seen so many people get messed up including me on that med. I take lithium. It is doing really well for me.

[JillthePill77]

Keep me posted.  I am changing my meds because of a liver problem, scary because I have been on Depakote for 12 years.  So far,so good.

[Crystlas]

I have too, I am very good about taking them every day at the scheduled times.  I have my medicine cabinet set up with my daily pill taking routine (I also take suppliments).  I am hopeful I am on the right combo now, for I am feel much much better.  I am just hoping things will fall in line with other life issues I am having!

[JillthePill77]

I have done very well by staying on top of  my meds.  There is no one right medication, you may use different ones if your blood chemistry or stress level changes.  It's not a static thing, and don't let medication changes bother.  I've lost count of how many I've had and none were as tough as finding the first effective combination.

[Crystlas]

Thank you to both of you ladies.  

Crazychik, I know about the issues with adoption, I have read about them.  We do not plan to adopt until after we are married (May 9.09) and I am stable on my meds for a good period of time.  I hope if I can prove stability we have a shot at it.  As far as work, that is why I am trying to find a lower stressed social work postition.  I could go to DHS, they are desperate, but the case loads are huge and I would stress like crazy.  I am hoping to land something just right for me.  I am still recovering and have only been on my anti-depressent for a month, so I still have a few weeks before it really kicks in!

Jilthe, your post is very reassuring and helpful in the aspect of the depressed side.  Mine got so bad last month that I attempted suicide, landing me at the hospital.  I do not want to go through that again, but be able to handle the depressed side and not be a jack @ss at a job while being manic.  I am hoping and praying that I am on the right meds and stay stable.  Today I dropped to a pretty yucky depressed feeling.  I know the anti-depressent still needs time.  I think I felt so low because of the yucky, rainy day we had here.  

Again, thank you both to for responding and being reassuring!  

[JillthePill77]

I have a stable marriage (32 years) with a really good guy and have been a successful Speech Therapist for 22 years.  I have raised 3 very successful children (My older daughter is an Assistant Professor at Purdue, which is very unusual at age 29.  You usually have to due Post-Doc work for 5 years at least if you're in molecular genetics.

My Bipolar Disorder has been the singlemost prominent factor in our lives since I was diagnosed 14 years ago.  I was in bed with depression for almost a year until I got the right combination of Psychogist, Psychiatrist, General Practitioner, and Medication.

Strong determination was the biggest factor, though.  I have been working since that first year and I would do anything it takes to avoid sliding back into it.  For me, sometimes that means six weeks of disability here and there.  However, six weeks prevents months and months of really bad depression.  I don't feel bad because I know I'll soon be back there doing my usual amazing job

You've got to remember that people in the depression phase are very different when they are stable.  My personality changes and I loose my inhibition and say what I REALLY think.  I have to moniter this carefully.  My tolerance for most kinds of stress is really high for most things, but I tend to have major problems when someone insists that I do something I think is just plain wrong.

Get to know yourself.  You have a chronic disease and you need to do whatever it takes to handle it.  Please give yourself permission to take good care of yourself.

PS  Within 3 weeks last summer, I hosted a End of the Year Party, a Retirement Party, a Wedding Shower, Rehearsal Dinner, and my daughter's wedding.  All at my house and all with no ill effects.  The florist and the photographer all said it was the least stressed wedding party they have ever seen.  You can't control outside stress, but you can work to control the stress you create within yourself.  That's a major help!!

[crzychick]

I think it depends on the level of stress that comes with the kind of work you want to do.

Take being a nurse.  If you are in the ER it is going to be more stressful than say doing home heath care.

Many have good solid marriages IF the partner is understanding and knowledgeable about BP.  To many times tho the spouse either won't accept the DX or uses it as an excuse to leave.  Which causes more stress on the one with BP making it worse.

As for you adopting.  I don't know.  I don't want to burst your bubble.  But I know there is a strict screening process for adoption and with your medical history and your hospitalization they may not approve you.

I don't know why some are on disability and others aren't.  Some ppl have a higher threshold for stress than others.  Some are ashamed to ask for help.  Some are lazy??  Which ever the case may be I just try to do my best each day.  I take my meds.  I deal with my mood of the hour.  I'm a mixed also.  *warning next mood in X sec's*  Have a great guy in my life and still s h i t happens. It's different for all of us.

I wish you the best for your life, hope you find the answers you seek.

[Crystlas]

Thank you both.  That is reassuring.  I hope more write into this post.  I have seen so many bipolars over this past year on disability and using the system.  I say this because when I have spoke with them they are very intelligent and full of life.  I would think someone like that would want to excel and beat BP.  It does sadden me.  I have also met some individuals where they have abused so much drugs and alcohol with being BP that it caused permanant damage, therefore, needing disability in order to survive.  It amazes me the different experiences individuals face on this journey of having mental illness.  I want to be successful and advocate for others with mental illness!

[Venora Moonwind]

yes you can have a normal life and be bi polar. I have stable for 7 years on my meds. I have held my job for 9 years and my marriage for 22 years. bi polar is beatable.    I know you cna do it and we will help.
Love Venora

[DLA]

I live a perfectly normal life.  Have husband, child, family, home, am a stay-at-home mom, sing in a group, go to church and Bible study, attend all my child's school and extra-curricular activities (also those of my niece and nephew), take care of my niece and newphew every day after school, etc.  You believe in yourself and are working very hard to be healthy and happy, that's all you can do.

For some people it just never happens.  They are not able to ever get meds stabilized enough to live a normal life.  No matter how hard they try they can never get a handle on it.  It is a horrible thing, but it is true.  Some mental illnesses are too great for medication to be able to correct it.

For others, as you have discovered it is a crutch to use as a means to do nothing and get paid for it.  But it is this way with everything in life.  There are always people who will take advantage and no matter how much you give them it is never enough.  Doesn't matter what type of illness you are talking about.  

In my state we had a horrible problem with ppl moving here to be on welfare b/c it was so darn easy.  Now they have finally changed the law and you're only allowed to be on it for X amount of years.  For those that were taking advantage, yee haw.  But for those who really needed it that's a horrible way for it to have to be.

Don't let the ones that you have seen, legit or not, derail you from your wonderful life with worrying about it.  Focus on the positive and know that you will do whatever is necessary to stay healthy.