Where do you start the process

[bettybelitaboop]

My son is 10 years old.  He has had aggression since he was a toddler, I insisted to his peditrician something was different.  He has been on ADHD medications, bi polar medications.  He is currently in a residential hospital, who is getting ready to release him back home, yet have not found a way to help him, nor have they even been able to diagnose him any more than when he went in 6 months ago.  His diagnosis are ADD, ODD, mood disorder.  They thought he had Aspergers (that was when his IQ was 102)  Now his IQ is 69 and they say he is not Autistic, nor have Aspergers.  They say there is nothing that they know to do for him.  This is a hospital for behavior problemed children and they have no ideas.  Before he went into the hospital he was getting suspended and had to homeschooled.  
If they send him home now he will (and they have stated this) not be able to make it in the school setting.  Where should I start to get him into a school environment?  I have applied for special needs and do not qualify.  I have tried to get an aide at school and was told that there are physically handicapped children who needs aides that are unable to get one, What makes you think you can get one for him?
I feel like I am hitting brick walls everywhere I go.  I am about to lose state medical card for him.  Private insurance does not pay for psychological.  

[bettybelitaboop]

So what am i doing wrong???
I have applied for Social security for him three times, and even spoke with two lawyers who will not take the case.  Social security says my income is too great to qualify, and that I can not just get the medical part of the system.. I told them iam not asking for money.  I do work.  I just need help with the care of my son.  I go Monday to see if I qualify for the spin down part of the program for medicaid.  I have to show 15, 000 dollars worth of doctor bills for the month.  I am a couple hundred short.  Crossing my fingers and hoping.  
You are absolutely right, we are the greatest advocates for our kids.  We know them, and we love them regardless.  We see the good in them, that no one else sees.  We feel the love they give (few as it might be) it is enough to keep us hoping, and fighting.  
All my wishes to you,  thank you so much for the information.
West Virginia is lacking in resources.  
Betty

[Nune]

You are saying things that I am going through with my 12 year old son.  I went to my local welfare office to get him approved for medical coverage because my coverage at work has copays which I couldn't afford.  Medical coverge for children is not based on your income. You need to apply for social security.  I did and my son was approved.  He had been going to doctors and therapist for years, which didn't help.  When he got on medical assistance insurance he has been given wrap around service.  This service provides a case manger at their office to oversee all the people that are working with your son.  My son has a behavorial specialist coming to the house weekly and while he was in school, (he current is in cyber school - he won't go to school) he was approved for a person to be with him everyday to go to his classes to see what is the problem and try and work it out.
I have hit the brick wall that you have hit for many years.  You are your son's best advocate.  Don't give up.  I didn't.  Mental Health coverage for state insurance for children is better than any private insurance.  The have almost a endless amount a resources and if you get the right wrap around service, it will help your son out tremendously.
I always look at my son, expecially when he is sleeping, he looks like an angel.  I wish he was always and like that but for some reason, God gave me him.  I will help him be the best person that he can be.

[AshleyBaker]

I am so sorry. I'm glad that there are people here to be able to give you suggestions. I don't have any, but I feel so bad for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for not giving up on him. You're a trooper.

Ash

[bettybelitaboop]

His dad is in the picture a hour away, his new wife does not like him to be around because he tried to beat her with a baseball bat.  He has my unconditional love, and I just turned in my two weeks notice as manager to be home with him more, when he comes home.  That will be at the end of the month because his insurance runs out. The hospital he is at do not know what to do with him, how to help him.  I am at a loss, but I do appreciate the information I will definately look into it.  As for male figures he does not really have any.  
Thank you again for your insight..

[lactac1224]

I also have a son who is now 14 who has for years been diagnosed with many disorders and counselors and doctors have told me over and over again :I just don't know what to do with him".  It is so hard I am very sorry you have to go through this.  

Help that I have found has been this:
1)  He is now attending a school for children with ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome.  It is called Summit Academy (I don't know if they have one near you but look it up online and see)  The school has made a HUGE difference.  They did many tests and observations that doctors did not.  They specialize in these kids and have a wealth of knowledge and skill.  This is a charter school.  If you do not have a Summit Academy in your area there may be another school like it.

2) We were told my son did not have aspergers because he was too social.  I kept going to different doctors until I found one I liked that made sense.  He is now in an autism class that has 6 students a teacher and an aid.  My son was diagnosed and placed on meds for the following:  bi-polar, ptsd, odd, depression, pdd-nos, borderline personality disorder, ADD and many others.  Different doctors will give different diagnoses.  If you get to a point with a doctor where the doctor seems to be saying I don't know what to do, try someone else.  My son has seen at least 6 counselors, 4 psychiatrists, a nerologist, behavioral pediatrician and many other professionals over the years.  Keep going until you find one with a genuine connection to your son and a desire to help no matter what.

3)  We signed up with our local board of Mental Retardation and Illness.  They help people with disabilities.  They can also provide a case worker to tie all aspects of his treatment together - home, school, doctors, etc.

4)  We have finally found a great doctor and counselor.  After 11 years of searching.  They are out there just don't give up!!!  Best of luck!!!

[Ingrid444]

Hi,
Did anything tramatic happen in your sons life, where is his Dad? What other men have been in his life? Has there been any signs of abuse? Post tramatic disorder can cause many different behavioral problems. I am not a doctor, but I do have post tramatic disorder, which developed into borderline personality disorder. Have a look on the web under this disorder, it may help. I feel so much for you situation. It is so frustrating for your family, especially your son. He must feel so angry and confused. Unconditional love is what keeps me going. I have a husband that listens to me, even when I don't even understand what is going on inside my head. He loves me through everything. I have two children, and my daughter has been very volatile since she has been a toddler, but I have been trying to keep her out of the system, because she reponds to love and hugs, instead of drugs and conformity. We are all different, each and every person, but the commonality is love. We all need it, we need acceptance, and want to fit into the world somewhere. Your son must feel so frustrated and scared that he doesn't have a school, a place to fit in.

I wish you all the best, my suggestion is keep on trying to find help, anywhere you can, keep looking, but in the meantime, hug your son, and let him know that you will listen to him. Ask him if he feels secure with the people around him. Talk to him about his father, it could be the very thing that is making him so angry. I have a deadbeat dad, I am 42 and still angry at him for leaving us and deserting his family. I now have children, and could never imagine EVER leaving them for any reason. Children want to know who they are and where they come from, but mostly they need to know they are loved! Talk to your son, listen, the answers may be truly hearing what he is saying.
Best of luck,
Ingrid