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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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Avatar universal

I have BPD and I'm confused about my relationship?

Hello, I'm an 18 year old girl trying to live with my worsening diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year now and I'm starting to become unsure of how much I want to be with the guy. Of course, because of my BPD I can't tell whether I'm the crazy one or if there actually are problems. So, I should start this off by saying that I'm kind of a sex addict. And by kind of, I mean, when I was single for a year I slept with 17 people. I really love sex, I kind of use it to fill this void I have inside of be honestly. Before I was in the relationship I am now, I dated someone four years older than me (he was 18 i was 14) for two years. All our relationship was was very kinky sex, needless to say it was toxic. But the one I'm in now is a different story. At the beginning, we were inseparable, went out and did activities together, had sex often and it was enjoyable and fulfilling. Now though, it does not happen as much as I want to (we see each other every weekend and it will only happen once??) and when we do it, there's rarely ever any passion. He's kind of lazy about it too. No questions asked I suck his **** everytime it happens, but there will be like a month gap that he won't even go down on me. We sit at his house all day pretty much and just watch TV and he will play video games. If I tell him that I want to do something, he will tell me to find something to do. When I list off suggestions, he shuts them all down. I'm becoming very bored. Not to sound like that girl but I know that I'm attractive. Him on the other-hand, he isn't as attractive but I still fell in love with him. He made me laugh and we always have a good time. Now, we fight often. But when were not fighting, I'm scared to lose him. He's my best friend. Sorry if that was a mess but if anyone has any advice I would love it hear it. Thanks!
3 Responses
Avatar universal
You're young. At 18 you more than likely won't settle down with that boyfriend. But in any case,
Try talking to him about your emotions and how you're feeling. If he doesn't come back with respectt, start seeing boundaries. Or leave him. Easier said than done, I know. But no point in being with someone who makes you feel alone. BPD or not. But especially with BPD.
Avatar universal
Hey, I totally agree with the other commenter.  I’m a dude without bpd but I have a successful relationship with a very attractive woman who is undiagnosed bpd and not in treatment and we have been going strong for a year now (no fighting anymore, ever). My advice is to communicate, communicate, and communicate again.  Make sure he understands, validates, and is receptive to your feelings. If he’s not, rethink the relationship and be away from him for a while. It’s going to be hard but relationships grow when you communicate. Work On understanding and valuing each other’s time.

When you notice a fight is happening, take some space if you need it.

However if you want him to work on his image... improve the sex, ect....make yourself rare (skip a few weeks and make up an excuse not to see him....be mysterious and make him curious).  Be less into him and go focus in other things that make you happy. He will pursue you and try to improve himself for you if you move on temporarily. Remember, you can’t force him to change, he’s gonna need to decide this all on his own.  Making yourself rare will improve the relationship and make you worry less about losing him.

Leave him if things continue to be unstimulating for you.
Avatar universal
If I could tell my past self this, I would: don't waste time on people that don't make time for you. Why doesn't he want to do anything? Or be exciting? He seems to be bored with his life and because he's young, maybe he needs to grow up a bit and decide what he wants to do with his life. I wasted time on people that weren't invested nearly as much as I was.
My advice is to just think hard and get used to the idea of being without him, as uncomfortable as that thought might be. You deserve someone that wants to give you more pleasure and sex, do exciting things, see things outside of the house.
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