10 year boy gender issues?

[Helpless_Mom]

My step-son is almost 10 years old, and has behavioral issues and is developmentally behind. He shows many signs of being confused about his gender. I have witnessed over the last 4 years some odd behavior. He doesn't understand the terms male or female, he says he wants a boyfriend. He loves to get in my daughters dress up trunk, big frilly dresses, crowns, high heels, but to go a step further he insists he wants his picture taken in it. When he looks through the picture books of family events, etc. he smiles so big when he sees these pictures. He has said he wants boobs, and he only plays with girls. He will say boys on tv are hot, etc. I can't leave any of my shoes laying around the house because he will take them and wear them. My daughter has friends that are boys, and my step son gets so close when he talks to them they think he's trying to kiss them. He asks what its like to be a girl. He has been raised with his father and brother until 4 years ago. Am I reading too much into it? I find this extremely odd for his age. Any advice?

[jessybaby1]

ok..gender confusion is a taught behavior...i know this because babies are not born with male or female mannerisms....when a girl is born we give her pink and boys blue...the brain is already processing these traits...i find that people don't give babies and children due credit when it comes to intelligence.....a child can learn up to 3 languages by the time they are 5yrs of age......i say that to say this....when you allow your children to do certain things at 6mos 1yr 3yrs etc...those things are embedded and becomes part of their personality ...we as parents must backtrack and look at what did we allow.......was he allowed to play in your shoes at the age of 1 and 2 and u laugh and encouraged it because it was cute and assumed "oh he's a baby" "he's just curious"....calling him gay or associating this behavior with homosexuality is ridiculous and ignorant ....your sexuality is taught....again i say this because you are not born with 1....his overall behavior as a 9-10 yr old kid is a result of his environment and upbringing...his language and usage of words like "hot" were also taught either by active behavior of his friends or influenced by the content he is allowed to watch....my point here is none of his actions or thoughts are random and out of nowhere.....at his age he is comfortable with showcasing it because for a while it was never viewed as a negative for him behave like his sister or his mother

[g8r grl]

I have to be honest...after watching a Dateline episode on this very thing, I think this is just he way he is going to be for life. These kids figure this out about themselves at a very young age, sometimes even younger than 5 or 6 as another person had commented. There was a boy on the show that would un-snap his overalls as a toddler so they would look like a dress. If you can find the episode online, download it and watch it. I'm pretty sure it was a Dateline and it would have aired sometime last Fall. Did you happen to see it then? It might make your husband see things differently as well. He either accepts his son, or loses him one day. They show some of that on the show...it's a very emotional show to watch, so be prepared with tissues :) Some people feel like they were born in the wrong body, and their horomones and brains are actually different from same-gender peers. Good luck and try to watch the Dateline show when you get a chance.

[Helpless_Mom]

His father is in complete denial of all his issues. He is very prejudice against gays, I am not. It is a tough situation all the way around. Thanks for the advice.

[socgirl]

Who really knows at this point....it could be that he's going through a phase....or maybe it's not a phase.  If it's not a phase, I wouldn't say that he is gay necessarily, however he may be transgendered (there is a difference).  I've recently read a study that indicates that people who are transgendered realize they are at a very young age (around 5 or 6..sometimes younger).  

I can't tell you how to deal with it exactly...maybe be supportive, with some limits in place.  It may be time to see the help of a professional as well.  How does his father feel about all of this?

[margypops]

It is possible he is just being curious ,maybe play it down and not make an issue of his behavior as if it gets attention he may think he'll do it more for just that reason. If he is going to be Gay that will happen and you can adjust to that. At this stage of not knowing perhaps introduce more into his life neither Male or Female , does he like Games and any sport , can the guys do Guy things with him.,if he dresses up or wears your shoes dont say anything no laughing nor any attention, if is just the attention seeking he wont bother if noone shows any interest. Find him more to do.