11 Year Old Afraid to Sleep Alone

[KAM006]

My eleven year old son is afraid to sleep by himself. Up until last month he slept with us, his parents. Since school has started, we have him sleeping with his eight year old sister who is constantly complaining and not wanting him to sleep with her. He seems to have some fear about sleeping alone. We have tried nightlights, sleeping with the dog, etc. but nothing seems to work.

Also, he is always tired, he has indicated to us. We get him to bed by 9:00 p.m., with him falling asleep by 9:30 p.m. but he has to wake up by 6:30 p.m. We cannot seem to get him to bed any earlier.

However, our greatest problem is that he is extremely fearful of sleeping alone. What are your suggestions.

Also, do they make a children's sleep pill? He is restless throughout much of his sleep.

Thank you.

[blackrose]

Have you considered taking him to a chilld psycchologist.This really helps with talking to some one about things if they are embarrasses to tell you.                                                                                           good luck with your son

[SWEETDARKSTORM]

you know- they dont make a "child" sleeping pill, however- at gnc there is a product called melatonin- that is suppose to aid in sleeping and is safe for children. children need thier sleep, speaking of which- sleepytime tea might also work.  they sell it at the grocery store- tea isle.  i have used that for my 6 year old with adhd...it works.

[cheeps]

Does your son snore? Is he always tired?

[fiffa]

Hi All.. I am at my wits end. We have a 6 year old boy who won't sleep by himself. We have tried everything from lying with him until he falls to sleep but after we leave he wakes up, we have tried bribing him with everything, we have tried talking to him about why he needs to sleep by himself, I have stayed on the floor next to his bed etc...  What to do? We also have a younger daughter who has been treated exactly the same way and she is a great sleeper. I love both my children with all of my heart and would do anything for them. I just need to sleep.

[starlight000]

ive tried nightlights, sleeping with dog, etc. for the past 3 months she just cant. when we try she seems to be waking up crying and say that she cant do it.



what do i do?

[kp9er]

my girlfriend has a 12yr old that will not sleep by himself she says she has tried and tried to get him to his own room but he will just fight and argue with her untill she gives in i have threatened to tell his buddies about this and he throws a fit so he knows its not right all i can say is good luck

[yats]

My 11 year old child dont even sleep alone i dont know wats wrong with him and he is gonna be 12 now butn there is nothing to do so i say jus sleep by them

[mary194506]

Am I the only Grandmother that thinks her  8yrs. old grandson should not be sleeping with his Mother?  It seems as if she uses him as her emotional pillow. By that, I mean, that every time he returns from visiting his father, she has him sleep with her. Also if she had discplined him for what ever reason, she rewards him by letting him sleep with her. I find this very unhealthy for the child. Am I wrong?

[rosebudzplace]

We too have an 11 year old not wanting to sleep alone.  She cannot go on sleep overs either as she cannot sleep away from her parents.  We have tried several things including; lying down beside her until she falls asleep ( which worked, but not real desirable), reading to her and saying a prayer ( worked but she would wake up shortly after we left the room and then it started all over again) and things like warm milk before bed, allowing her to watch a TV program (also not disable), and allowing her to sleep with one of the other children (which worked, but they want to have their bedrooms back to themselves).  My latest effort is a suggestion to her to get into a comfortable position, close her eyes, and imagine herself in her "Littlest Pet Shop" play set as a "pet shop" character and to imagine a story and play it out (like writing a story).  I'm not sure yet whether this will work or not.  I'll let you know.  TC

[1234sarah]

My son Ryan is 10 and won't fall asleep on his own either, he says he hears voices and is afraid to. I'm getting all the help I can get but I have a feeling diagnosis will be hard to come by.

[whirlygirl820]

My son had this problem also - but my husband finally put his foot down and just said NO MORE!!!!!!  He told him in a very authoritive way and neither one of us has backed down - even though he complained and begged - and now he sleeps in his own room every night!   I felt awful and wanted to give in so many times - because I really liked watching TV with him at night and it was so much easier and nicer for him.. but  I realized that it is not good for him and he needs his own independence and needs to not be afraid.   He also doesn't go to sleep overs - even though all his friends ask him to - I am hoping maybe he will be able to now.   So - be STRONG - and do it for their own good!!!!!!!!!  

[Ronnie121]

Separation anxiety is common among children especially at bed time. Try a Mumoocie co sleeping pillow. It simulates a loved one beside your child. You lay with your child until he/she falls gently asleep then replace yourself with the body pillow that is torso shaped and snugs to the body. Since it retains heat and scent your child will sleep better and think you are right there with him.This pillow worked for us

[life_is_hard123]

I know it's a little rude to post personal issues on other peoples post asking for help, but i really also need some advice on my 12 year old daughter. She just CANT sleep in her oown room, or alone for that matter. but if ANYONE is around she can sleep just fine. She sleeps with us, and thinks te idea is unusual and it is getting very weird for her. shes told me. but she says its just too hard to sleep alone. she will get hot, jittery, nervous, and have an elevated heart rate when sleeping alone in her room. In the past she has succeded in sleeping alone, but only for about a month at a time before iit starts all over again. she also thinks the idea of seeing a psycologist is weird and makes her feel like a weirdo. she, and us, our getting sick and tired of sleeping together, but its just too hard for her to get out of our room. any suggestions?? or comments??

[mocasta]

When you feel like you just don't want to deal with your older kid sleeping with you, just think of that one song from Kenny Chesney-Don't Blink. If you have not heard it, its a really good song that makes you want to appreciate every moment of your life. "Don't blink cuz you just might miss your babies grow up and they're moms and dads...." get the point. My son is 11 and he stopped sleeping with us when he was like 6 or 7, and I really miss it. He will every once in a while, but our bed is too small and he is getting way to big. For those parents who's kids can't sleep on their own, could it be possibly cuz they watch a movie that really scared them, or maybe there is some paranormal stuff going around and the kid is just too scared to confide in you cuz he might feel embarrassed or that noone will believe them. I know stuff like that happened to me when I was 12 or so and I really wanted to go crying to my mom's room, but my step-dad was so mean he would yell and either smack me on the head to go back to my room. I really hated my room and would have horrible nightmares. I couldn't say anything beacuse I felt like they wouldn't understand. So for a long time, I didn't get sleep and I would just lay there and wait for the sun to rise. Talk tak talk talk to your chid. Another way to look at this problem with your kids is to imagine if you found out that your child past away the next morning and you were angry the night before cuz your kid wanted to sleep in your bed. How would you feel?  Eventaually it will go away. I am sure when he/she turns 18, he will not want to be sleeping in your bed. Is it so horrible for a child to want to sleep with their parents?

[yoyoyo1234567890]

I think that if your child cant sleep then Just sleep with him/her they will grow out of it but u need to give them time to let them  tell you that  they dont want you anymore!! No its not for their own good they will just get mad at u and hate u just let them be with u while u can u never no what might happen when they grow older so for now parents.. Be with them!!!!!!!!!!

[doctortom]

"Another way to look at this problem with your kids is to imagine if you found out that your child past away the next morning and you were angry the night before cuz your kid wanted to sleep in your bed. How would you feel? "

That is the worst advice I have ever heard.  Don't discipline your children or keep them from something want...because they might DIE and then you'll feel guilty!?!?!

Get a grip.

[shanny33]

My 10 year old daughter is putting a big strain on mine and my husbands relatonship she will not sleep on her own and will not stay up stairs alone without us what can we do i have two boys 8 and 3 and they are fine at bedtime, we have tryed everything :(

[Daycarelady110]

I would like everyone to know that I have a child who will be 14 in 2 weeks and this has been an on oging issue in my household since the start of middle school.  Yes it does interfere with your whole household every night.  But doI  think it is perfectly normal, no I do not.  To accomodate my chilld, yes I have done that by going top his rescue many a nights to keep peace in my household.  I have taken him to  a Psychiatrist, and a psychologist, none of this seemed to work either.  They only wanted to dope him up during the day, and I would still have the same old issue at night going on. When I ask him what is wrong he can only tell me that he feels much better sleeping with someone.  For the parent who says hang on to every moment you  have with them while they are young oviously does not have a child going throught this every night, that is about ready to enter High School.

[margypops]

This is to all... this is a 4year old thread but there does seem to be a problem shared by many. A lot of. Families in Europe share a family bed, they dont have incestuous relationships it is considered normal if they want to share ..now if you want the child to stay in his/hers own bed you  have to be consistant and firm,whilst not getting into any verbal battles as this  makes the issue worse and can cause major anxiety .So  do not let them into your bed ...period , say NO  a lot of yelling, screaming will ensue , stay quiet do not yell back, stay firm ,BOTH  parents not giving way ,each time they come out of their room, simply do not allow them in your bed or room, say No .If you give way you are back to square one ,its that nasty word 'consistancy' again . If you persevere and do not get into a power struggle the child will get it. You will be back in control,You created it so it has to be undone.Not easy but yes its do-able or as I say have the family bed, more often than not once puberty rears its head they will want privacy...Good luck

[jokamie]

My girlfriends daughter will not go to bed by herself. She is almost 10, and I have been witnessing this since she was 5. Her mom has to go lay down with her and can't stay up and do adult things. One of them talking on the phone. If I happen to call when I think she is asleep, my girlfriend answers whispering, and I hear her daughter asking who is on the phone. That is just one of the many problems that are happening, and have been. It is very hard to be around when the daughter is too, because she does things and says things that are not normal behavior, or appropriate. What to do...?

[kaos3099]

I am 13. I have this problem. Maybe i can shed some light on the subject. i have no way of knowing what is going on in you childrens' heads, but this is the story of what goes on in mine and 92% of children with sleeping problems. i will not sleep alone. i am petrified. i was taken to a psychiatrist and was dyagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, (although that was an incorrect diagnosis). while i took the medicine i started getting better, but my mom doesn't want me taking the medications, so i had to quit taking them. now im back where i started. i dont have nightmares, as a matter of fact my sleep is quite blank. but, im terrified of these... things. call them what you will, monsters, ghosts, undead, etc. they are terrifying. i dont see or hear them much but i know they are there... but at the same time i think there is something wrong with me, and they aren't real... but i am petrified. i cant even move to scream or run out of the room when im all alone. yes, im 13 and terrified to sleep alone. i often end up staying up the whole night. if i sleep at all, i sneak into the kitchen where there are no windows or dark corners, turn on all the lights, get all of my pets, and try sleeping on the floor. the fear... you have no clue. its like nothing you've ever felt before. id rather die than hav to go through this. my dad has to lay with me until i fall asleep every night, and i cant spend the night at anybody's house. the only way these gruesome creatures will leave me alone is if im with an awake person. its pathetic for a 13 year old to hav to sleep with her six year old brother everynight her dad isn't ther to lay with her until she falls asleep. please, if you've ever loved your kids, take them to counseling over this issue, no matter how much it costs. the fear is horrible. it tortures you, and no matter how tired you are, you just CANT go to sleep. no amount of sleepy tea or mommy's reassurance can help you child. you need medical help if this is your child's problem. trust me. sometimes it gets so bad, i start hearing voices, and seeing shadows. getting this little of sleep is extremely unhealthy, and if it goes on for too long, its a death sentence. dont ignore your child's sleeping problems no matter how little they seem. get medical attention and find out what is wrong before you ignore it. trust me, you would nevr want this to happen to your child. its a nightmare, only worse.

[momof1_3]

I am a mother of a 10 year old girl who has trouble sleeping alone also... I am working constantly but she has to have me sit there with her and pray then i go down stairs and come back up and check on her in 5 to 10 minutes intervals... i used to lay beside her but ended up falling asleep.. I know alot of it has to do with her sleeping me with on and off for years. I am a single mother and if she got scared i let her sleep with me and didnt push her to hard to go back to her own bed and eventually she ended up having to sleep with me when we lived with my parents for 2 years. I had sold our house and wasnt ready to buy a new one yet and there was only a bedroom for us to share.  I work with her alot and she has gotten better, she has good and bad moments.  Bad moments she gets up every 15 seconds saying she needs me, she hears something, or thought she saw something, we have lamps and night lights and bathroom light on.  she will even sit in bathroom upstairs til i come up there she is so scared sometimes.  Others she falls asleep with in minutes, so it isnt every night.  Which makes me curious about several things... is she just having withdrawals or seperation anxiety? is she really hearing something? we have been to counselor and they say she is great... she spends the night off all the time no problems... I cant quiet put my finger on it.  With all that said i will tell you this also.  I am 35 and I had night terrors well into my late 20's... i have only had a few in the past few years.  I never have discussed this with my daughter, or even acted scared of the dark with her i have always made it a comforting thing... I have no problem sleeping now but when i had night terrors i couldn't scream, i had sweats, heard things, saw things... my parents would find me and my brother in the closet with stuff animals an pillows around us. we both were scared ... but we were just kids.  All i know to do is find something that comforts them, if you say ill come back to check on you in 1 minute do, and start from there, then 2 minutes , then 3 minutes i mean its alot of work but i kinda look at it like potty training, repetition ... i mean i comfort her when i go in there, she falls asleep i kiss her head she opens her eyes slightly .. then eventually asleep.  this is usually after her getting up 10 times saying i cant sleep or im scared or i heard something but i keep on.  i see some progress but i have only been doing it a month now.  its tiring, i have 3 step children and after taking care of them and her yes im tired but to build her confidence and trust and security its worth it.  I dont push her away though, i either sit beside bed, lay for a minute or whatever, because as a former scared child myself, who wanted to sleep with someone and had sleep issues.. for years... i understand that comfort an trust is what helps you get past the anxiety, then you can relax and sleep.

[dreamweaverstar]

My dear. I have a daughter that expresses what you have. Although not to that degree. I used to experience night terrors; and I have lived in some haunted houses as a child and nighttime was extreme terror. I was fortunate enough to switch bedrooms and that resolved the issue - of sleep anyway. As a child of Jesus YOU HAVE the authority to rebuke all evil in Jesus's name. That's all you have to do. Jesus will protect you. Jesus loves and adores children. He died for our sins. All evil will flee when you invoke the name of Jesus. Try this. And I will be praying for you.

[serres]

I have a 11year old son who is suppose to sleep with his sister but instead he sleeps with his father and i sleep in his bed.We've tried everything even sleeping him until he falls asleep,  but most of the times he sleeps his dad. Their are times that he sleeps in his bed and then at 4 in the morning we switch. Other times which is very rare he sleeps through the night. He has a little blanket that he sleeps with. But when i ask him to go to sleep he rather sleep on the couch and then we take him to his bed but if he realises his their he goes and sleeps in my bed.