My 8 year old is telling big lies

[momof2boys134]

My 8 year old son came home this friday from school all upset. I asked him what was wrong and he started to cry. He told me he was punched and kicked by a boy at school. He went on to tell me that this child then said a few curse words at him. I asked if a teacher was told of what went on and he then said the teacher  on lunch recess duty was told and nothing from what he could tell was done to this other child. I must of asked him several times different ways on what happened and if he was telling the truth. He swore left, right and center he was telling the truth. I believed my son. I was absolutely livid over this and called the school immediately. I told the school word for word what my son told me and it goes without saying I wasn't happy. The secretary told me that she will relay the message to the principle on monday morning and i will be getting a call first thing. Well it is sunday night and i was speaking to my son about going to the school to talk about what happened on friday. I again asked him if things happened as he said they did. He looked at me and asked me what would happen if I wasn't telling the truth. I sat there shocked as this is my youngest son who may make up little far fetched stories about monsters and stuff but never something this extreme. I asked him if there was anything he had to say. I explained to him that if i go to the school with the story he told me already that several people will get in trouble because of his lie. He told me that none of it was true. I have no idea why he would lie about something like this. He isn't neglected in any way. I'm a stay at home mom who makes her family her life. He lied so well. Ask any mom and she will tell you that they know when their child is lying. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me this lie without blinking. Is this kind of thing normal? Why would he lie about something like this? How should i handle this? Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. I'm concerned and never had to deal with anything like this. Thanks.

[Catess76]

Well I could of been reading my own story reading momof2boys123 story then. It's just happened to me, apart from I sent the email to the headteacher on Thursday (2nd day of new year at school) She responded immediately and then next day all the children 'involved' (in the lie) were spoken too. My son eventually after a long time, admitted the truth. He lied about everything. The teacher told me after school, I was devastated. Just felt so let down and disappointed. Feel like I can't trust my own son or believe him anymore. Feel like I can't defend him now as he may be lying. It's broken my heart to be honest. But reading your story above and your helpful answers has given me something to work on because I had no idea how to deal with this. Felt powerless and lost like a parent who can't do their job properly anymore or must of had done it terribly for him to behave like this. I've asked him now to write a letter to headteacher apologizing for putting through that ordeal. It's a start. What an awful situation to experience. Lying at such levels can be so damaging and upsetting for so many people. I pray (and I'm not very religious) that he learns this time. We've been through it before, we've talked about it a lot before. Got to hope that he realises this time. I don't know what to do if it happens again :-(

[curley83]

my 5 yr old has told serious lies saying his dad hits me and his 18 month old sister..the school has taken this very seriously as he said it 2 2 different teachers...my children are very well looked after and are in no way neglected i feel totally upset and unsure how to deal with this i have no idea why he would say this his dad works during the week and i work saturdays they come from a strong family unit..although we have lost my mum and grandad quite recently and we wer all very close.....i have asked im why he has lied he said he was just joking i have tried to explain how serious this is ....i just really dont know what to do?? pls help....

[babygirl6152]

All good advice-

I have 2 more thoughts--
I have been that "outside playground teacher"- sometimes I watch scuffles like this on the playground from beginning to end- BOYS need to work things out like this sometimes- then the next minute they are back to being best friends- both are in the wrong and I watch it carefully and decide if no one was physically hurt I can either let it slide or let them both be punished- If no one is hurt and I am sure I saw the whole thing- I let it slide- so as RockRose said sometimes the school "can see all sides" when the child only chooses to tell "partial truths"- so there are times the boy might even be telling you a partial truth I would say bottom line if everyone is friends again and there is no physical damage- chalk it up to 'being boys'

We also gotta give the little guy credit for examining his little conscience before it affected more lives- Celebrate that!

[margypops]

Could it also be that he is seeking more positive attention and has found that by telling the lies he gets that attention albeit negative attention, sometimes this can be the case ,I would talk to him and find out more regarding his feelings and if anything else is going on, does he get on well with the other children at school, and no bullying going on there.

[momof2boys134]

Thank you for your advice. I'm going to call in the morning and eat some serious crow. I'm just thankful I couldnt get through to the principle on friday. lol Thanks again for taking the time to answer my post. Have a good day.

[RockRose]

I don't know,  Mom.  My middle son was kind of the same way,  and I couldn't  tell at ALL when he was lying.  He's matured now and knows the value of a good reputation,  but all through elementary and  middle school I wouldn't take up for him with his teachers because I was sick and tired of going to them with a concern only to find out my son had completely twisted the whole thing around and then I felt like a fool.  I found out much later that a couple things I wish I had brought to teacher's attention - but like the boy who cries wolf,  how can you tell?

I would say to him,  are you SURE you're telling me the truth,  because I'm going to call the school and talk to your teacher,  I won't be mad if you tell me right now you're making this up.  He'd stand there and insist it was all true - he turned in a paper on time but it was written in the wrong color pen,  I forget all the other **** he said.    I finally stopped taking his word,  and just let him work out his own stuff if he was having a problem,  and I'd tell him you know what,  I can't tell when you're lying and telling the truth,  so I'm not going to embarrass myself again.    If you want to have the teacher call me to work this out,  please do,  I'm not calling them though.  

In high school,  he finally got it.  If you screw up,  no big deal,  just admit it,  and if you've been wronged and need help tell the truth about it.  

My other two boys,  I could always  tell when they were lying.  

I guess my advice would be to call the principal right NOW and leave a message on the answering machine and also call very first thing to pre-empt the call to you and say sorry it was all made up.  And tell your son that if he ever does this again,  ever,  you're done taking his side with the school even though in the years to come he'll need an advocate.  And I think I'd have him write a note to the principal apologizing for lying.

Best wishes.  You'll get through this.