gay or not

[iamachild]

hi my son masturbates and sometimes goes online and prints out gay porn pics and looks at them when he masturbates he is olny 13 and he told me that he fantasizes aout having gay sex and always wanting to get the chance to see some boy he goes to school with penis he also told me he sucked his best friends and his best friends broths penis and enjoyed it and they did the same to him i told him that is innaproate and that he shouldnt do it can you please tell me if he is gay or not

[4angelitos]

I'm no expert in this subject and you have post this 6 years ago, maybe you already know if he is gay or not. But you post this when he was only 13, no parent should let there children practice any type of sex female's or male's at that age is not OKAY. I agree we should be open to any type of conversation with them, but are part as parent's is to help them, not stimulate that kind of behavior there is time for everything. If he wanted to know if he liked boy's he didn't had to go so far by kissing and holding hands should be enough.  Maybe there was something wrong there with your child like sexually abused, I don't know is not everyone's case.  When I was 13 y/o I too thought that I like female's and my best friend and I play the game of boyfriend and girl friend and we only kiss and hold hands soon I realized that I didn't like girl's as I thought I did. I think that's a normal way for kids to find out whether they like female's or male's.   I have 4 children all boy's and I will love them no matter what there sexual preference is. But they still have to respect and wait till a proper age.

[Gryff99]

I have one question, if this were a girl, would you be as worried?
As a bisexual man I want you to know I did the same thing, and was ashamed for it for a long time. really, what you need to do is talk to him, explain that liking boys isn't back, and you'll still love him if he does.

And if you don't think it's good that he's gay, you should just take yourself out of his life.

[Sandman2]

    Can he do summer school?  What did his counselors say?  did he have the same educational problems in middle school - or is this all new?

[cobyone1]

100% agree with the last post my son is always saying he thinks its ok to be bi and all his friends are. I'm worried he doesnt seem to care about school any more i have given hi m to mych freedom and not enough discpline is it to late he is a freshman in highschool flunking his 5 th class in 2 terms i hsve talked to the counselor at school and  it seems that i don't know what else to do

[April2]

I think he's too young to know exactly what he wants, but what concerns me is why is he printing out porn (regardless of whether it's gay or not) and sucking on someone's privates at the age of 13? Would you let him have oral sex with a girl? He shouldn't be having any kind of sex, oral or otherwise, and he shouldn't be allowed to look at porn. Porn shows a distorted side of sex that isn't healthy for even a grown-up to look at. I've had friends whose lives were nearly destroyed by their addiction to porn.
You are his parent. You need to set some boundaries here and explain that this is not acceptable for someone his age. He's got plenty of time to experience sex when he's old enough to be able to handle it. For now, at the age of 13, he should be involved in sports and other healthy activities that can keep him busy and is good for him. It sounds like he has too much time on his hands.
And I'd stop the sleepovers for awhile. You may be ok with this (which I don't understand why) but the other child's parent probably wouldn't be ok with this. Like I said, you wouldn't let him experiment with sex on a girl and he shouldn't be on a boy either. He's only 13. He's way too young for this. I'd put more control on the computer and what he's looking at. He should be scateboarding with his friends and such at his age.

This is what I think is so sad about this day and age we live in. Sex is just thrown at kids way too early and it's confusing to them. They can't really handle it at this age. It's your responsibility to protect him from the things that he's not ready yet.
Since he's already been exposed to the porn, you may want to consider therapy for awhile. And I disagree with most on here. He's too young to know what he wants. Yes, kids experiment or try to, given the opportunity. And right now it's cool to be gay or bisexual. No wonder we have so many confused kids right now! I was talking to my high school child's principal and he said it's pretty prevalent. The kids just think it's cool to be especially bi and especially the girls. He just tells them they shouldn't even be worrying about that right now. I agree. They shouldn't  be worrying about all that stuff. They should just be kids!

[chigirl29]

I agree to keep a close relationship, but I also think the boy needs therapy to help him identify why he is gay, and how he can best deal with being gay--or how to handle gay sexual experiences if he determines he likes females better.

He needs therapy either way.

[rilbrianne]

I agree, keep a close relationship with him regardless of how this turns out.  Maybe he's just experimenting and I can't offer any good advice but I think it's great that he's at least honest with you... I sure hope my kids are as open with me as your son seems to be with you.  Good luck.  

[Londonboys]

I'm gay and I went through the same things - please support your child and have a close relationship with him.  You only get one chance to do this right - be not only his mother but a supportive friend!  In five years you'll look back and thank me for this advice.

I know its hard but buy him a book on safe sex and make sure you help him obtain condoms - boys experiment!