4 year old still peeing in his pants

[JamJam24]

How do I break my 4 year old from peeing in his pants and peeing in his bed at night? He is potty trained and knows to go to the toilet when he has to use the bathroom and goes sometimes. He will go a week or so without peeing on his self then do a complete 360 and pee on his self every night and a few times during the day! I have tried several different things such as taking away favorite toys or awarding him if he does good> But nothing seems to work!! Please if any solutions HELP!!!!

[crystalamy1979]

my daughter is 4 1/2 she will be 5 in aug. she pees in her pants everyday all day, she pees in her bed on my bed, on the couch pretty much anywhere, and i dont know what to do. i bought goodnight pants for her but she refuses to wear them and refuses to go to the bathroom in the toilet. i have been dealing with this for 1 yr now and nothing has changed. im losing my cool with all of this bc she is making the apartment and everywhere smell really bad. she knows when she needs to go bc she will hold herself, but just sit and pee wherever she is. she also has behavior problems to not listening throwning fits and when we are in stores and she wants candy and i tell her no she takes it without me knowing. shes a 4 yr old that acts like shes 12 or something. she gets angry with me and hits screams spits and does whatever when shes angry. her father is in jail hes been there 1 yr and im guessing the reason why she acts this way is bc of him. before he left she had 1 accident a week or sometimes not at all, and she was good then. i dont know how to deal with this i have gave her time outs spanked her told her nicely that what shes doing is wrong but nothing works i mean NOTHING! she gets infections all the time bc she dont wanna go to the bathroom to pee. please can someone give me advice on how i should handle her behavior and peeing in her pants all day everyday? thanks

[pinkloulou23]

I am a nanny to twin boys aged 4. Potty trained them at 2, one breezed through the process, the other is still wetting himself daily! Its more fustrating for me as his parents dont seem to be bothered, they are both doctors, and they think im worrying over nothing!

Ive tried everything and i just dont know what to do for the best anymore!

[Mickie78]

Clearly, everyone is at their wits end. I am right there with ya. My almost 5 year old boy is doing the same thing. He'll go a week or two with no "accidents", and then 2 to 3 accidents or more a day, consistently. Believe me, I feel everyone's frustration. It's been happening for so long... and like many others on here, I have tried everything... except ignoring it. I had him help with washing his sheets, to show him personal responsibility. I have tried using "Love and Logic", by making him responsible for his own choices. I have done sticker charts which give an immediate reward for going potty, and a weekly reward for staying dry. I have asked him to go try to potty every half an hour of the day when I remember. He just doesn't seem to see what the big deal is. And you know, after reading all of these comments, parents putting down each other for their different types of strategies ( I say kudos to anyone who cares enough to try all these different things), I have to say, that kids are just kids. Maybe the problem is that our expectations are too high. Maybe they really don't see it as being important enough to interrupt their play time to go to the bathroom. And honestly, the more angry we get, the more control they have. I think that a big part of it is control. I mean, think about it... we tell them exactly what to do and exactly when to do it. I just don't think a 4 year old is scheming to rock the boat or upset his or her parents. I think the truth is "it is what it is". Why should we get all bent out of shape if they don't?  Surely they will grow out of it, and all this stressing over social expectations and fears is taking time away from us that we could be using positively instead, showing them unconditional love and acceptance. At some point, their peers will have some kind of influence on them as well. I'm tired of being mad and disappointed at my little boy. I guess I will try this whole "ignoring" thing, and see what happens. Either way, I am clearly not in control, no matter how I deal with it.  

Best of luck to all of us.

[kimiwink]

My 4 year old son is also struggling with this, but both my husband and I have noticed that whenever he goes to the bathroom, he wants us to go with him. He says that he doesn't want to be alone or that he's scared. Whenever he is at preschool he remains completely dry (he is not alone, even in the bathroom) but at home he has accidents all the time. I am going to try taking him into the bathroom every hour and making the bathroom a good place. I want this whole experience to be positive for everyone, especially him. He is only 4... and there's a lot of pressure to get it right.

[sjohnston71]

We too have a 4 year old who keeps peeing his pants. He's my boyfriends son, and I'm worried something is wrong with him. We constantly ask him if he has to go, send him into the potty every hour or so to "try". Sometimes he wakes from a sound sleep to get up and go, but other times he's just sitting there and pees his pants. He always says "I had to go real bad" which is why I'm concerned. Supposedly his mother took him to the doctors once and they checked for UTI, but didn't find one. Both parents are a bit younger than me, and I have four older children, so I feel like I have a bit more experience, but when I speak up they take it as criticism and disregard what I say. Children can have overactive bladders which means he really may not be in control sometimes, but shouldn't they find out instead of letting the child live in pull-ups? We have tried everything else, rewards, taking away toys etc. We don't yell at him for it, just like I said, I'm worried there's more to it than plain laziness.

[andy930]

Don't ingore him when he pees in his pants. If you are ignoring him then he knows that you care and that he has gotten to you (then he wins). Just don't react- help him get changed and stay as neutral as possible and then go about as usual without ignoring him. My son is very bright too and I always felt that he was doing it to "get to me". We have a wonderful relationship otherwise so i really did not understand it. He has just turned five and I really understand his personality now. He like to have control over things and has very strong leadership skills. I think toilet training went wrong because I cared too much and he probably just wanted to have more control over his own toileting. As I see now he is like that with most things (challenging to raise a kid like this but hopefully these will be good traits when he is older).
Your son is still young. Try not to worry about it. I have found that the more i care the worse it gets.
From my experience, we have ups and downs. He has a few good weeks and then he slides for a bit. Not sure if he is testing me or if it really is hard for him to stay dry from years of ignoring his body's signals. Whatever it is, his down periods are getting shorter and less frequent as long as i keep my cool.