5 year old swearing at school

[boysmommy]

Last week my 5-year-old came home from school with a note saying that he had been saying "hell" at school.  I talked with him about it...today the principal's office called saying that he was saying "a.." in the classroom and acting like he thought it was funny. They said that they were keeping him in "time-out" in the office for the rest of the day.  They put him on the phone and I talked with him a bit, telling him that he was now grounded from t.v. for a week.  Also, I had told him this morning that we were taking him and his brother to see Spiderman tomorrow but now I feel that he should not be allowed to go.  My questions are: Is this an appropriate punishment? I have read today that punishments should be for 24 hours instead of weekly. Should I wash his mouth with soap (yuck)?  I am very careful not to swear in front of my children but that is not to say that they don't hear it in so-called children's films or at school. How concerned should I be about this behavior? For the most part he is a well-behaved child although, at times, he acts impulsvively...knocking his brother's book on the floor...hitting his brother or playmates...Maybe I am overreacting but his behavior is bothering me and I want to make sure that I react in the most effective way. Thanks for any advice you can give.

[throwaway0]

This thread is a decade old, but I'm leaving this here because it is a much better response, adaptable for older kids: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/how-to-stop-three-year-old-from-swearing

Consequences for children need to make sense. Soap in the mouth is very slightly dangerous and cruel. Grounding a 5-year-old is ineffective.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

that's a lot of money to be changing hands.....

rather than bribing him with cash, why don't you create a reward system, 5good reports and he gets to have a friend over to play, that sort of thing.

In the real world he will have to do much more than not swear to earn a living.

[boysmommy]

Yes...he knows these are bad words because we talked about it last week after he did it.  The principal said that he was repeatedly saying these words (like he thought they were funny) even after being talked to by the teacher.  I had a talk with him today and then proceeded to rub a little liquid soap on his tongue...he started crying saying that it was nasty and I am hoping that I got the point across.  I also made a deal with him (this is a child to whom money is very important)....for every day that he brings home a smiley face, he will receive $1...a bad report, he will give me $1...trips to the principals office and he will owe me $5....I really think that this might work because he loves earning and counting his money.

[RockRose]

Boysmommy - it depends on how this happened.  If he said those words to buddies on the playground,  and then stopped when asked to,  I'd say this is nothing.

If a teacher and principal couldn't get him to stop saying them,  this is a much bigger deal.  Words are words,  and he's going hear and say them - but if he's openly defying teachers and the principal,  and continuing with behavior in front of them that they've told him not to do,  this deserves the big hammer.

I would tell him that,  too,  I think - that it's not the word,  it's the defiance.

best wishes.

[CHeimes]

I don't agree w/ grounding him from the TV for a week... He is ONLY 5-years old.  
You are right though about 24 hours.  He shouldn't be able to watch TV for 24 hours.  But that's it.

First of all he's a boy - he probably hears swear words at school by other children, on TV, or with his friends that he plays with.  

You need to let him know it's not ok to say curse words and there is punishment for that.  
Here are some examples:
- No snacks for a day
- No TV for the day
- Bedtime at 7pm instead of 9pm (an hour earlier than normal)
- No playing w/ friends for a day
- No video games for a day

Otherwise - if you told him you'd take him to go see Spiderman and he's grounded from TV for 24 hours... guess what that means... no Spiderman movie.  Stick to it though - if you take him and he knows he's not supposed to go then he'll be more likely to curse again.  He'll know what he can get-away with.

Remember it's not his fault... he got those words from someone and he doesn't know they're "bad" words, until someone tells him they are.