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6 Year Old Boy Behavior Issues- Tantrums, Sexual Acts, ADHD etc
I really need some advice. I recently took my six year old son to the doctor because I am concerned about ADHD (its on hi fathers side) and ODD to go along with it. He was all the ADHD symptoms, and has violent,angry outbursts that match all ODD symptoms. After meeting with doctor and telling him all the things my son is doing he said yes definitely lets have him tested. Im still waiting on an appointment with a child psychologist so nothing has happened on that end yet.
The problem is my son seems to be on a huge downward spiral day after day. It started with him hitting children, to clothes chewing, to acting out in class by jumping around, running, yelling inside, throwing objects, picking things up off the floor with his mouth, playing around in the bathroom and generally acting like an unruly heathen,
Today he was involved in an incident with another six year old boy on the bus. This child lives four houses down, rides the same bus, and is in the same classroom as my son. They apparently were kissing each other. He told the bus driver this. He also said the bus driver told him to keep his pants up. So I asked why were your pants down, and he very obviously lied and said they just fell down. Finally i got the truth out of him. He then told me that the other boy was also "kissing his nuts".
WHAT? I couldnt believe what I had just heard.
He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was his idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him.
I understand children are curious. I also understand that when parents show affection towards each other and their children as my fiance and I do, that young children take that as the way to show everyone they like that they like them. I would explain away the kiss as that. Its the other part that has me VERY concerned.
He has never seen that kind of behavior at my house. He doesnt watch stuff like that on television, nor has he seen it ever in my home. My mother is of no help. Shes in her 50's and a devout Baptist. She thinks he should be punished for his behavior. Im not sure what punishment is warranted for something like that in the first place. What do I do? Lock him in a room till hes grown?? Ive already spoken to him about how its not approptiate to kiss boys OR girls like that when youre his age, and how its NEVER appropriate for ANYONE to ever come near his private parts like that. I said thats stuff for adults to worryabout and not children.
Can you PLEASE help me understand what's going on? Im so ashamed (I dont know why!!), embarrassed, confused, concerned, worried, that its making me sick.
He has mentioned something about someone in his classroom watching him use the bathroom while at school, like peeking in on him. I just wonder if this behavior has happened elsewhere, and how often.
The problem is my son seems to be on a huge downward spiral day after day. It started with him hitting children, to clothes chewing, to acting out in class by jumping around, running, yelling inside, throwing objects, picking things up off the floor with his mouth, playing around in the bathroom and generally acting like an unruly heathen,
Today he was involved in an incident with another six year old boy on the bus. This child lives four houses down, rides the same bus, and is in the same classroom as my son. They apparently were kissing each other. He told the bus driver this. He also said the bus driver told him to keep his pants up. So I asked why were your pants down, and he very obviously lied and said they just fell down. Finally i got the truth out of him. He then told me that the other boy was also "kissing his nuts".
WHAT? I couldnt believe what I had just heard.
He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was his idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him.
I understand children are curious. I also understand that when parents show affection towards each other and their children as my fiance and I do, that young children take that as the way to show everyone they like that they like them. I would explain away the kiss as that. Its the other part that has me VERY concerned.
He has never seen that kind of behavior at my house. He doesnt watch stuff like that on television, nor has he seen it ever in my home. My mother is of no help. Shes in her 50's and a devout Baptist. She thinks he should be punished for his behavior. Im not sure what punishment is warranted for something like that in the first place. What do I do? Lock him in a room till hes grown?? Ive already spoken to him about how its not approptiate to kiss boys OR girls like that when youre his age, and how its NEVER appropriate for ANYONE to ever come near his private parts like that. I said thats stuff for adults to worryabout and not children.
Can you PLEASE help me understand what's going on? Im so ashamed (I dont know why!!), embarrassed, confused, concerned, worried, that its making me sick.
He has mentioned something about someone in his classroom watching him use the bathroom while at school, like peeking in on him. I just wonder if this behavior has happened elsewhere, and how often.
Makes !00% often?What is the difference of wether he makes high marks or not.Sexual abuse is sexual abuse.What are you basing this on?It's like you're saying if your child has low marks,maybe he is being sexually abused.To comment how poor or well his marks are has nothing to do with sexual abuse.
Your son is displaying classic behavior of a child that has been or seen involved in sexual activity. Sexual activity in a child that young is not something that is a part of ADHD or ODD, AT ALL. It sounds like somewhere he was exposed to something, hence the extreme cases of acting out and now imitating sexual activity that a 6 year other otherwise would not display. He needs help, you need help. Do not live in denial, it will only make things worse. It could be another child on the bus, a neighbor of someone, a friend of a family member, a teacher ect... do NOT blame this on ADHD or ODD.
Hello shellie80,
I have a 6 year old daughter and I am having trouble with her for many reasons, sexuality being one of them. She has been caught, at school, showing her private parts, touching others private parts, kissing boys, .... She has trouble listening at school, consentrating on little thing and doing her work. She was held back in kindergarden for a second year, hoping that maturity would help but nothing has come out of it. Not much has changed. My biggest concern is the sexuality part and I have been told thats its not only my daughter that starts these things but she is always participating. Even with dolls, barbies, she pretends that they are doing grown up things... I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years, he helps alot with her but I need help to, she mine and I am just as affected by this as she may be. Something is not right and I can't put my finger on it. My boyfriend and I are very discreat with that kind of stuff, besides a lil peck or a hug or sometimes a tap on the butt... Everything else stays in the bedroom. No movies lying around, no pics... I dont get it.
She started being like this shortly after her father and I split up. He was seeing her every other week-end and then only when he would feel like it and after certain other insidents I had his rights suspended in court ( not for anything related to sexuality). She has not seen him now since january, where she was told to lie and not tell me about it. My daughter has been through alot and we are both suffering from this.
I dont know what to do anymore or where to turn, we dont have a family doctor so I cannot have any kind of evaluation done without one and cannot see a specialist without consultation from my family doc first. I have been waiting 2 years now and have got no answers. I really liked the post by stressInc, she gives alot of info but at the same time its scary to think that maybe someday I'll find out something I don't really want to hear.... Like she says it comes from someone or somewhere...
I have a 6 year old daughter and I am having trouble with her for many reasons, sexuality being one of them. She has been caught, at school, showing her private parts, touching others private parts, kissing boys, .... She has trouble listening at school, consentrating on little thing and doing her work. She was held back in kindergarden for a second year, hoping that maturity would help but nothing has come out of it. Not much has changed. My biggest concern is the sexuality part and I have been told thats its not only my daughter that starts these things but she is always participating. Even with dolls, barbies, she pretends that they are doing grown up things... I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years, he helps alot with her but I need help to, she mine and I am just as affected by this as she may be. Something is not right and I can't put my finger on it. My boyfriend and I are very discreat with that kind of stuff, besides a lil peck or a hug or sometimes a tap on the butt... Everything else stays in the bedroom. No movies lying around, no pics... I dont get it.
She started being like this shortly after her father and I split up. He was seeing her every other week-end and then only when he would feel like it and after certain other insidents I had his rights suspended in court ( not for anything related to sexuality). She has not seen him now since january, where she was told to lie and not tell me about it. My daughter has been through alot and we are both suffering from this.
I dont know what to do anymore or where to turn, we dont have a family doctor so I cannot have any kind of evaluation done without one and cannot see a specialist without consultation from my family doc first. I have been waiting 2 years now and have got no answers. I really liked the post by stressInc, she gives alot of info but at the same time its scary to think that maybe someday I'll find out something I don't really want to hear.... Like she says it comes from someone or somewhere...
As a contributor to this forum for 3years I want to thank you for your post...it is exactly the kind of post we all need to read and understand ..every word you expressed here in my opinion is what does happen and I think parents have to be more aware ,focused and supervise children more .How do you feel about the sleep overs that one hear's about where many incidents happen yet children repeatedly have them .,would you say that abuse happens more in families than outside , as that is my belief what is your opinion regarding therapy for the child after the event is discovered ..Thank you once again ...
Hello Shellie80,
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
Hello Shellie80,
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
First I want to thank you for sharing what is obviously a difficult subject to talk about with the community here and I would also like to thank you for having the courage to speak openly about something that surprisingly many of us have been through with our kids. Actually, we went through something very similar with our son but he was a little younger. I am speaking to you both as a mother and as someone with a professional background in a related area. I have an Honors Psychology undergraduate degree, a Masters degree and a PhD from the faculty of Medicine of McGill University in Neuroscience where I specialized in psychoneuroendocrinology, so the effects of hormones on the brain and behavior. But I will mostly speak to you from the mom perspective. Sexual curiosity is totally NORMAL at different stages in a child's life usually at the ages of 3-4, 6-7 9-11 and at puberty again. However, certain acts like those you described typically do not come out of a child's imagination unless they have seen it the act, (i.e. parents, siblings, TV, books, internet etc), it was performed on them, or it was asked of them by someone else (usually an older individual but sometimes an age-mate). When it's an age-mate one wonders where the age-mate learned of it, usually one of the potential sources I listed above. In our case, our son had just turned 4 and a little girl performed fellatio on him at nap time at his day care. Clearly, at age 4 they do not come up with this on their own. In our case we knew that it was impossible for him to have asked the little girl to do it to him because he was very perturbed by it and he did not know what was going on. In the end both children told us that she initiated. Knowing that they could not come up with this on their own we pushed things further and ended up finding out that they daycare's owner's husband had orchestrated the act and several others while she ran errands while the kids slept for 3 hours at nap time. usually if kids engage in such acts if they come from situations of abuse they do not occur in isolation. You will notice other changes as well. Acting out is definitely one of the signs, inability to concentrate or pay attention, inappropriate interest in your sexual organs (mom's breasts or dad's penis, or siblings), sexual acting out ex: walking aroung the house nude all of a sudden, wanting to take his/her clothes off in front of others, trying to touch you or their siblings, emotionally labile which means their emotions are all over the place like something very insignificant that would normally just slightly annoy them will cause a tantrum or over the top emotions, They start to refuse to want to go to school, daycare or wherever the abuse is taking place, they may steal small things from other people or places to get attention (you do NOT come down hard on them for this, this is a CRY FOR HELP). The other more obvious signs are physical ones, redness around the genitals, blood in the undies, pooping the pants all of a sudden when they have been clean and potty trained for years. There are other more discreet signs but these are the more overt signs to look out for. By the way, it ofetn takes time before an abuser goes all the way with children, they often engage in preperatory gestures first, like gentle caresses, using fingers, then toys, then stuff like wooden spoon handles, small things at first so this is why it can go unnoticed for some time because they don't physically hurt them right away all the while psychologically getting a stronger grip on them. They key is to talk to your child, not aks them directly if someone is hurting them because they are often told that if they tell they will be hurt or their family will be but letting them know that as parents you are always there to talk no matter what and that anyone who says that you cannot say stuff to us is a lyer because mommy's and daddy's are allowed to know everything, it's the law! whatever you do stay away from any form of blame or guilt. even if you are tempted to use it to get hem to talk in order to help them. The best thing a parent can do is abuse is suspected is first let the child know that you are there for them, call your local youth protection agency even if you have no real story to tell but you ar ejust uneasy about the behavioural change and the incident on the bus they will be able to guide you for the next step to take. It can be totally anonymus if you prefer. Children can be scared for life but the studies show that some of the best buffers against this is knowing that they are believed, knowing that their parents love them and are on their side and are there for them whenever they need and are ready to talk. So after all this long winded response my advice is that if you are uneasy about this whole situation speak to your pediatrician, your local youth protection agency, and to your child. Hang in there, there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this.
take care
concerned mom 101
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