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6 year old expelled from school for bad behaviour, but is very good at home
Please help.My just turned six year old son has been to fourschools since he turned and has been asked to leave each one of them due to to exreme bad behaviour. He refuses to do what teachers tell him to do, and has even hit out at them. At school he refused to do any work or join in any craft or games activities. He was using bad language and verbaly and physically assauting other children. He did not respond to time out and does not care for sticker charts. He would promise us that he would not misbehave again, but everyday we were called in to hear a rap sheet of things he had done.
He is now homeschooled,as we cannot put ourselves through him being expelled from yet anoher school, and we have been homeschooling him for 5 months, but is being very defiant towards his tutor who comes in two afternoons per week. Refusing to learn for her and generally being very rude to her and messing around, just like he did in school. He also goes to a learning centre twice a week, but tonight we were told he was not welcome there anymore as he is being very difient and breaking the rules of the centre time and time again.
He is now homeschooled,as we cannot put ourselves through him being expelled from yet anoher school, and we have been homeschooling him for 5 months, but is being very defiant towards his tutor who comes in two afternoons per week. Refusing to learn for her and generally being very rude to her and messing around, just like he did in school. He also goes to a learning centre twice a week, but tonight we were told he was not welcome there anymore as he is being very difient and breaking the rules of the centre time and time again.
Just to add, he came to love his tutor as she never gave up on him or tried to label him as the teachers at school did. We still keep in touch, she is a wonderful woman and I believe she did a lot for his confidence.
His love of literacy is due to her and I am so grateful. In our case, if we had peservered with school, or gone down the route of getting help then I don;t think things would have turned out so well.
I know people never believe parents who say that their child is an angel at home and a devil at school, but believe me, it can be true. That's why I knew there wasn't any medial issues, you can't turn them on and off at will.
His love of literacy is due to her and I am so grateful. In our case, if we had peservered with school, or gone down the route of getting help then I don;t think things would have turned out so well.
I know people never believe parents who say that their child is an angel at home and a devil at school, but believe me, it can be true. That's why I knew there wasn't any medial issues, you can't turn them on and off at will.
1 Comments
Oh my goodness thank you so much for the update. Your initial post described my son to the letter. So much so his dad thought it was me that had written it when he came across it online! We are also UK based and now considering home ed just for a bit before returning him to school. Toughest time as a parent.
Gosh, I just looked at this as I had a private message about it! This is so old, but this may help some people.....
When I wrote the opening post, my son was 6. He turns 11 next week!
So, what happened? He grew up. He was too young for school. That was the problem. He wasn't mature enough.
A few months after I posted this, it was all change. He came to love his tutor. Home schooling was amazing. He was part of so many groups and activities. It was an amazing experience for us.
Due to a house move to a large city and me going back to university, he started a state school (we are UK) a week before his ninth birthday. There has never been a problem, this will be his third academic year at school and his last before secondary school. He is far ahead of his peers in literacy as he grew to love reading and creative writing, he's very talented and I am proud of him.
He was just too young and not ready. Home schooling for those few years was the best thing I could have done.
While he loves his school, he does miss home ed as he was able to do so much more in terms of activities and different learning groups and (contrary to popular belief about home schooled kids!!) was able to mix with vast amounts of different children of different ages, back ground, abilities and interests.
As strange as it may sound to people who are against home ed, it's the social side of home educating that he misses the most!
Although, he's now happy, has lots of friends at school and is popular with both peers and teachers.
I spent so much time stressing over the behaviour of a child who was too young (in his case) to deal with the demands of school. It only taught me that all children are different and trying to peg them into holes of diagnosing disorders and teachers blaming the home environment is not always the best course of action.
There were no learning issues, no disorders, no sensory problems, no medical problems. He was just too young and stressed by the environment he was in and sometimes by the attitude of the teachers - he still remembers and talks about how small and useless they made him feel, like everything was his fault. He says he remembers being so confused and not understanding why they couldn't see he was upset.
I wish I could have seen that the behaviour stemmed from unhappiness and feelings of isolation.
But, like I said, he's a happy, well adjusted (almost!) 11 year old who is doing great in every area of his life now.
I hope this update has given anyone else in the same situation a bit of hope.
When I wrote the opening post, my son was 6. He turns 11 next week!
So, what happened? He grew up. He was too young for school. That was the problem. He wasn't mature enough.
A few months after I posted this, it was all change. He came to love his tutor. Home schooling was amazing. He was part of so many groups and activities. It was an amazing experience for us.
Due to a house move to a large city and me going back to university, he started a state school (we are UK) a week before his ninth birthday. There has never been a problem, this will be his third academic year at school and his last before secondary school. He is far ahead of his peers in literacy as he grew to love reading and creative writing, he's very talented and I am proud of him.
He was just too young and not ready. Home schooling for those few years was the best thing I could have done.
While he loves his school, he does miss home ed as he was able to do so much more in terms of activities and different learning groups and (contrary to popular belief about home schooled kids!!) was able to mix with vast amounts of different children of different ages, back ground, abilities and interests.
As strange as it may sound to people who are against home ed, it's the social side of home educating that he misses the most!
Although, he's now happy, has lots of friends at school and is popular with both peers and teachers.
I spent so much time stressing over the behaviour of a child who was too young (in his case) to deal with the demands of school. It only taught me that all children are different and trying to peg them into holes of diagnosing disorders and teachers blaming the home environment is not always the best course of action.
There were no learning issues, no disorders, no sensory problems, no medical problems. He was just too young and stressed by the environment he was in and sometimes by the attitude of the teachers - he still remembers and talks about how small and useless they made him feel, like everything was his fault. He says he remembers being so confused and not understanding why they couldn't see he was upset.
I wish I could have seen that the behaviour stemmed from unhappiness and feelings of isolation.
But, like I said, he's a happy, well adjusted (almost!) 11 year old who is doing great in every area of his life now.
I hope this update has given anyone else in the same situation a bit of hope.
Hi there. I'm going to suggest something to you based on something you wrote. I'm am going to suggest that you look up sensory integration disorder or processing disorder. Many kids with sensory are quite different in school than they are at home as they are not processing their environment properly and are overwhelmed in terms of their nervous system. We started addressing my son's sensory issues and all things in school got significantly better. also, kids with sensory integration disorder have a 'fight or flight' response---- which your son could be having more on the 'fight' side.
anyway, something to look into. good luck
anyway, something to look into. good luck
I'm having the same problem with my 6 year old son to the T!!!!! He has not been expelled but he has been suspended. We are on a waitlist with Kinark family services but its only gettin gworse...he's my little angel at home but it's like a light switch being turned on to "bad" as soon as he enters the doors of the school...I just don't get it. He is sweet , affectionate and it breaks my heart to hear all the bad he does at school. Bullying, hitting, kicking, defying teachers, disrupting class, threatening other students.
I work with different kind of kids kinder and pre-k and 1st so alot of time if kids are bored and are not being challenge they tend to act out. My son also started acting out at school and was horrified when she said "you will have to pick him up everyday if he does not stop". Well she was a first year teacher so i had to switch him. The teacher that he got was more consistent. I know he is not in school now but when he does back you could inquire about which teacher would be more benefiting for him. There was this particular student that was acting out really bad mom switch him to a male teacher and that was the end of it. Good luck... Alot of kids also tend to behave at home because is expected and when they get to school they are able to receive more freedom and experience a whole new world and because at school they could get away with it. Your son really needs a really good teacher and is hard to find them. I work at a school and have been for sometime and i am amaze when i see some that should not be teaching.
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Well, if he's 4,5 or 6. I'd say its pretty normal for a intelligent kid to be doing those things. At age 12, I would be worried more.
The teacher and the school are more worrisome. I hope this is a preschool. Its pretty hard to believe the expulsion threat would come from a larger school. Of course, I have seen some pretty crazy "zero tolerance" policies since 9/11.
My guess is that your son simply needs to be educated about there being a time and place for certain things - and this school isn't one of those places. Best wishes!
The teacher and the school are more worrisome. I hope this is a preschool. Its pretty hard to believe the expulsion threat would come from a larger school. Of course, I have seen some pretty crazy "zero tolerance" policies since 9/11.
My guess is that your son simply needs to be educated about there being a time and place for certain things - and this school isn't one of those places. Best wishes!
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