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6yo 1st Grader Problems at new school & Bully
Overall - My 6yr old son is having a difficult time at his new school. His 10yr old sister is in the 5th grade and has been there since kinder so he is familiar with the school & staff. He is a kid that likes to play hard on the yard with no barometer on when to listen, slow down or stop. He is doing well in class & with his school work with a few exceptions of talking out of turn & a few past personality conflicts with a classmate. His teacher enjoys him, says he is smart & has no problem until he transitions to the restroom or recess. That is when he plays. However, yesterday she told him to stop talking and the sit in the "seat", he stomped away w/grimace & attitude, she took him out the class stating she was going to take him to kinder w/the babies because of his behavior and apparently, he started crying & threw a tantrum...on the floor & rolling!! He has never done this. He told me last night of course after me asking over & over again about his day. I had him write her an apology letter. My husband & me talked her teacher this morning. She wants him to be accountable for his actions & to think about the consequences. We will continue to monitor his behavior & work with him as a supportive unit.
About Him - He is VERY tall & big for his age & he does not understand that even when playing, it can come off as too much for the smaller kids. He also does not understand that school is not about him, it's about being a part of a team. He has friends that he plays well with. I was very disappointed to hear about the tantrum. That was unacceptable behavior for a 6yr old. We support him at home. He has rewards/consequences as well. I am so confused as to why he is making poor choices lately.
The Problem - There is a child that is bigger than him, in another class that is now bullying him. My son is having a very difficult time between his own behavior and NOW this kid. This kid reputation precedes itself from another school. The staff in so many words have told me that he has some behavior issues they are working with. The kid is malicious. My son is not malicious but is does not know when play time is over...even the staff says that my son is a good kid just needs to play attention. This kid has been so mean towards my son & physical. I do not know what to do between my son's behavior and how is being targeted by this kid. I feel helpless. I just want him to be happy & safe. And as of late, his experience at school has been difficult.
Any suggestions? Advice? Help :**-(
About Him - He is VERY tall & big for his age & he does not understand that even when playing, it can come off as too much for the smaller kids. He also does not understand that school is not about him, it's about being a part of a team. He has friends that he plays well with. I was very disappointed to hear about the tantrum. That was unacceptable behavior for a 6yr old. We support him at home. He has rewards/consequences as well. I am so confused as to why he is making poor choices lately.
The Problem - There is a child that is bigger than him, in another class that is now bullying him. My son is having a very difficult time between his own behavior and NOW this kid. This kid reputation precedes itself from another school. The staff in so many words have told me that he has some behavior issues they are working with. The kid is malicious. My son is not malicious but is does not know when play time is over...even the staff says that my son is a good kid just needs to play attention. This kid has been so mean towards my son & physical. I do not know what to do between my son's behavior and how is being targeted by this kid. I feel helpless. I just want him to be happy & safe. And as of late, his experience at school has been difficult.
Any suggestions? Advice? Help :**-(
Thanks for the update, Rossmom. I'm glad you got to see for yourself what's going on at the school. And I definitely understand that it's hard to get a realistic picture of the situation if the kids know you're there. But it sounds like you and the teacher have figured out a way to handle this. So, I hope things go smoothly from now on!
gardensparrow
"Happiness is a warm puppy" ~ Charles Schultz
gardensparrow
"Happiness is a warm puppy" ~ Charles Schultz
Thank you Rockland45 - Ironically, I am the room parent for his classroom so I am there in the mornings & I volunteer outside of being the room parent. I haven't sat in on an entire day but I suppose he will be on his best behavior & so will his classmates...kinda sorta. lol. They are pretty good when I am there.
Since writing this post (6hrs ago) , I went to the school on my lunch break to observe...well, do some "recon". I was sitting off to the side with the after school director and we observed. He went straight to his station after given direction, sat down & ate his snack. The bully was giving the staff a hard time but my son stayed clear from him.
Afterwards, I went to his classroom & chatted with his teacher. My son got a good behavior report for today. The teacher and I will both agree that we have to give him positive reinforcement & continue to work with him.
As for the bully they are to stay separated. No friendship, no playing. It is not going to work. Well, not at this emotionally immature state they are both experiencing.
Since writing this post (6hrs ago) , I went to the school on my lunch break to observe...well, do some "recon". I was sitting off to the side with the after school director and we observed. He went straight to his station after given direction, sat down & ate his snack. The bully was giving the staff a hard time but my son stayed clear from him.
Afterwards, I went to his classroom & chatted with his teacher. My son got a good behavior report for today. The teacher and I will both agree that we have to give him positive reinforcement & continue to work with him.
As for the bully they are to stay separated. No friendship, no playing. It is not going to work. Well, not at this emotionally immature state they are both experiencing.
Well, that can definitely be frustrating to feel like our children act one way at home and one way at school. Especially because we can't be around them to monitor it and have to trust the teachers to report on these issues. But it definitely sounds like you're doing your best to stay on top of this and make sure there's consequences and rewards for his behavior. I guess the one thing I did want to put out there is the possibility of going in and observing his classroom? I'm not sure if that's possible at your son's school, but it might help you get a better idea of why he's reacting this way and also how to help him deal with this bully. So, just something to consider.
Thank you so much Sandman2!! I will order this book today.
I THINK the "baby speech" backfired on her. She was very kind this morning in explaining it to us and I sensed that she didn't think he was going to respond erratically about the threat of being sent to kinder. However, he did not show respect for authority when she initially asked him to sit in the "seat".
The bully is in the 1st grade, different teacher & he is a BIG & TALL kid. He looks like a 4th grader.
It is not being disclosed to me what his behavior issues are but there are problems with him & his classmates as well as other kids in the school. I've been told that he is "sensitive".
My son seems to be catching the brunt of it lately. And as a kid who just want to have fun, he is at his wits end with this kid.
I THINK the "baby speech" backfired on her. She was very kind this morning in explaining it to us and I sensed that she didn't think he was going to respond erratically about the threat of being sent to kinder. However, he did not show respect for authority when she initially asked him to sit in the "seat".
The bully is in the 1st grade, different teacher & he is a BIG & TALL kid. He looks like a 4th grader.
It is not being disclosed to me what his behavior issues are but there are problems with him & his classmates as well as other kids in the school. I've been told that he is "sensitive".
My son seems to be catching the brunt of it lately. And as a kid who just want to have fun, he is at his wits end with this kid.
Thank you RockRose for responding. I thought that very thing (the "kinder" threat) but I was so thrown off by the tantrum part as well as the initial stomping off. It was a series of events.
The kid picks on him at recess and at their after school program. The staff has separated them & has been working with keeping the peace. On Monday, the principal met with them both hoping to work on a positive solution & to get to know them. I was told that it went very well. They both agreed on being friends. My son was so happy on Monday evening & told me that 'he made a friend with him.' By Tuesday afternoon, it was horrible. My son said he was "disappointed."
The kid chased him down & my son was running & crying for help. He was afraid that he was going to hit him because when he chases him it is to hit him. Same day, he stood on top on this homework when my son dropped his backpack in the hallway. I am so over this kid. I have been so diligent in working with my son & the school. Last night my husband told my son to "take him down the next time he hits him." I do not agree however this kid is tormenting my son. I believe my son wants a friend and not a fight. :*-(
My concern is for my son to do well in class & respect his classmates & teacher. Then there is the added problem with this kid which is overwhelming. :*-(
The kid picks on him at recess and at their after school program. The staff has separated them & has been working with keeping the peace. On Monday, the principal met with them both hoping to work on a positive solution & to get to know them. I was told that it went very well. They both agreed on being friends. My son was so happy on Monday evening & told me that 'he made a friend with him.' By Tuesday afternoon, it was horrible. My son said he was "disappointed."
The kid chased him down & my son was running & crying for help. He was afraid that he was going to hit him because when he chases him it is to hit him. Same day, he stood on top on this homework when my son dropped his backpack in the hallway. I am so over this kid. I have been so diligent in working with my son & the school. Last night my husband told my son to "take him down the next time he hits him." I do not agree however this kid is tormenting my son. I believe my son wants a friend and not a fight. :*-(
My concern is for my son to do well in class & respect his classmates & teacher. Then there is the added problem with this kid which is overwhelming. :*-(
First off, I wonder what reaction the teacher expected when she basically called your son (and kindergartners in general) immature babies. This was the sort of thing that was done when I was a kid - misbehaving kids were sent down to lower classes for an hour because they were acting like babies. Didn't work then, doesn't work now.
Secondly, how much access does this other child have to your son? If they're in different classes in school, it seems like restricting their interactions wouldn't be very hard. Where and when does this child have access to him?
Secondly, how much access does this other child have to your son? If they're in different classes in school, it seems like restricting their interactions wouldn't be very hard. Where and when does this child have access to him?
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It does sound like the school is trying to work things out with the bully. I have done the same thing as a principal. Sometimes it works the first time, and sometimes it takes a lot more effort. It is important to keep the school informed about how the bully is responding. Chances are your son is not the only person who is having problems with the bully. And there is also the chance that the bully is somebody (perhaps with ADHD who just does things very impulsively) and really hasn't learned how to interact. Frankly, a bully is usually easier to deal with.
In terms of your son and your teacher - ya, she probably could have skipped the "baby speech". I am willing to bet though that he may have learned a lesson. You might want to try reading (several times) to him, Know and follow rules by Meiners. Its about $8 through Amazon and you will find other helpful books listed below this one. The link is here - http://www.amazon.com/Follow-Rules-Cheri-Meiners-M-Ed/dp/1575421305/ref=pd_sim_b_4
Hope, this helps.