Child Molestation

[earthangel08]

My daughter is 4 years old and is gonna be 5 in a couple of days, and well a few months ago when I was getting her to sleep she started to put her hand down to her private area.  I asked her who showed her and she told me it was her daddy.  Well according to the doctor she hadn't been molested at the time and now it has been at least 6 months and she hasn't done that since til tonight.  She started doing it again and I asked her who showed her that and she said it was her daddy again and that he did it to her.  The past couple of months I have noticed that she gets very tempered easily and there is no discipline that works.  When she does something she is not supposed to and gets into trouble she ignores you and then if you whoop her she will turn around and hit you back and it doesn't phase her a bit.  She talks back and she won't go to bed early.  She always has to have me to lay down with her cause she is scared to go to sleep on her own.  I have tried just about all the disciplines available and don't plan on beating her cause I am not gonna abuse her but I really need help to know what I am to do.  For one, I would like to know if this is possible molestation and second I would really like some advice on how to get her temper to calm down and start to be a good girl.  She is my only child and her daddy and I are divorced.  I don't know what I would do without her if anything was to happen to her she is all I got.  I just wish I knew how to get her to mind and find out what is really going on.  Please help me!!!!

[Linda910]

Hi, we have made an appointment for my grandson already. Its a place called Touchstone. Very good rateings. I really just want to know the truth so we can get the help for the one that needs it. One of the children needs help that is for sure. Mine goes in on the 24th. I will let you know how things go. I want the X to do what he needs to do on his side too and not make things more difficult for his son than they already are.  Thank you, I need all the encouragement you can give me. I am not showing how upset I am because I want to be strong for my daughter and grandson. Someone has to be the strong one, right. lol  Thank you again SL345

[SL345]

An evaluation by someone who specializes in children with sexual behavior problems may be helpful. Someone with training in that specialty area can talk with all family members and try to help make sure that everyone stays safe and gets any needed help. Contact the Safer Society in VT or STOP It Now for names of professionals in your area. Good luck and let us know how things work out.

[Linda910]

Lsts start at the beginning. My daughter has 3 children. She is now divorced. The children are 13 yob  12 yog and 6 yog. The 12 year old girl choose to live with her father. The other two with Mom. Father is now living with a women who has two children. 13 yog and 8 yob. I hope I can say this without going mad. Anyway, this arrangement has been going on for around 3 or 4 years. My grandson, the 13 year old has never been comfortible at his dads and his dads girlfriend treats him like an outsider so things have never been good for him there. Recently The girlfirends son has accused my grandson of touching him. Her son was eveidently touched early on by some one else, I dont know the full story. Now, of course we are all very upset at this news. We found out that her sons coach has a son that has been thru the same thing and was talking to my x son-in-law about it while at a game with her son. Just after he found out that story he accsued my grandson of doing the same thing. Now, I am not one of those who say, never my child but I honestly believe that her son is lieing. My grandsons father grilled him for more than 2 hours and my grandson denied the whole thing. Well, daddy advised him he didnt believe him. He told my daughter we have to get therapy for him or they will contact the authorities. Well, we dont want to contact authorities until we know the truth because we could ruin my grandsons life forever if its all a lie. If we find out its the truth, then we will contact who we need to. We have no problem with getting my grandson Therapy, it is all set up. My daughter wanted to question both boys together but was denied by her X. She suggested that the girlfriends son also go to therapy. We dont know at this time what they are doing. I just feel that it is all a big deal her son cooked up to get my grandson in trouble but it is too important of an accusation to ignore. I have to know the truth and when I do, no matter which way it goes, I will love and be there for my grandson forever. Has anyone had this problem and if so how did you handle it?
Thanks
Linda910

[chigirl29]

I do agree with RockRose about how you asked her the question because that bothered me.  At her age, it is normal to explore body parts.  You may be telling her through your question that it is bad so she chose her dad as an answer since he is a parent and she cannot get into trouble.

Divorce causes disruptions in both children and adults.  If you think your child is being abused, find a child counselor.

Also, RockRose is right--you need parenting classes or at least do some research on four year old behavior.

What you are describing is not atypical.

Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope your daughter is well and fine.

[RockRose]

This case is complex,  and she needs to be interviewed by someone who knows how to talk to children about abuse.  Call a family/child abuse center in your area and tell them you suspect your daughter may be being sexually abused,  is there someone who could talk to her.

Children don't need anyone to show them how to touch their genitals - they do it very naturally.  So asking a 4 year old point blank "who showed you how to do that" - you'll often get a weird answer like "My daddy" because she doesn't know how to respond to your question.  Four year olds don't have the ability to say "no one showed me,  what do you mean,  I figured it out all by myself".  

Ask also about parenting classes.  You sound very overwhelmed -

Best wishes.

[jd1419]

First off--she is just going to need all your love and patience...if she is being hurt by her daddy--she is not feeling safe and is angry--she just does not how to tell you....Secondly you need to take her back in and ask for a refferral--and have this documented....you will need to have documentation if her daddy is really hurting her that way when you go to court (which will happen) you have the proof you need to hopefully stop visitations....now if her daddy is not hurting her and it is somebody else you will still need all this paperwork...Good Luck in finding out the problem and remember be patient and very loving...Make her feel safe and cherished...