Concerned about my nephew's behavior/attitude towards me and my family

[ny_concerned_aunt]

I have a 2 1/2 year old nephew who cries EVERY SINGLE TIME he see's me or my family - it started when he turned one, he will not allow us to hold him, touch him, play with him or interact with him in any way, shape or form. When my brother and sis in law come to my house, my nephew cries and refuses to come inside, he does the same when they visit my parents. When we talk to him or want to give him a toy he gives us the dirtiest looks and spits at us - If I or my parents visit him in HIS house, he reacts the same way, he grabs us by the shirt and walks us to the door (crying) like saying 'GET OUT' .. and as if this wasn't painful enough for us, we've noticed that our presence triggers aggression in him, he will physically lash out at his mother and father (kick them, hit them) as if he's mad at THEM for allowing us inside the house. I know it sounds like he's a spoiled brat but he's really not, my brother and sis in law just say 'dont mind him, he's cranky because he hasn't napped/eaten' ...but EVERY TIME?? This situation is literally tearing my family apart, he is the first nephew/grandson we love him to pieces and it's very upsetting because we see how upset our presence makes my nephew, the tears cannot flow out of his eyes fast enough, it's not like he's pretend crying ...I realize that it's impossible to give a diagnosis without personally evaluating him, I just want to know if there is cause for concern ... thank you so much

[RockRose]

What are his family dynamics like?  How often do you see him/he sees you?  Is it a couple times a year at holidays,  or do you live in the same town and see each other more than once a week?

I'm guessing,  but it sounds like he is upset by change and "noise",  and very very much likes his quiet little routines.  When extended family gather it becomes much to noisy - not just actual sound level but physical interaction/tension/etc.  Suddenly his parents attention isn't on him,  but now divided.

Does he have trouble going to malls,  children's pizza places,  etc?  Does he have difficulty with crowds and sound and changes in routine?

[adgal]

Are there very different personalites between your nephews parents and the rest of you?  I don't mean that in a bad way at all.  For example, are the rest of louder with stronger voices?  Or is it "busier" in a chaotic way?  The reason I ask is I just came back from visiting my parents with my 18 month old son.  My dad has a very loud voice and is sort of a larger then life personality about him.  My son is used to home, and my husband and I are fairly quiet..it's a pretty calm environment around home.  It really threw my little guy off.  The last two or three days he was very clingy with me, almost scared. No one hurt him or anything, it's just very different and he was scared of the loud voices if that makes sense.  Plus, my parents were just all over him all the time, and I think it might have been a bit much for him.  So I just wonder if it could be something like that?

In any event, I do agree with the others that little ones don't just behave that way for no reason.  Something has happened to set this off, and it could be something so small or minor the rest of you didn't notice.  But for him, it could have been a really big deal.  I too am curious if he is like this around all people outside his parents?

[margypops]

See I don't think children start to behave like this it sounds like there is a reason for this extreme behavior in a 2 year old child .Is he like this with other people /children .,has he any siblings ? My opinion is he does need to see a doctor to find out whats happening in his life , as for certain something is ....good luck

[jdtm]

This is what anxiety looks like - being scared of everyone and many things.  Could this be the issue?  I might suggest you google the phrase "anxiety behavior in toddlers" or "separation anxiety in children" or "social phobia and toddlers" or similar words/phrases.  Anyway, just a possibility ....