behavior at school

[Tbar2012]

My Son just start kidergarten August 23.  He never go to school before (no Pre-School) so he really don't know how to be at school and at school bus. We give him a little bit view before school start it, but it doesn't make him have any clue. Our house also don't have the closer neighboor and no other kids around, so he used to be playing alone at home, even sometime i take him to the park near here but it just help him to learn about playing with other kids a bit.1st week he doing pretty good and only 1 time the teacher give me a note about he doesn't doing well . Now he start the 2nd week. Almost everyday the teacher send me a note about he being bad.with his friends. Everytime I read the note, i keep telling him that he's not suppose to be like that. he listened and and keep trying to understand and improve it. I think he just need a time to understand and learning more.But from school side sound like want everything perfect and change faster. They really just want my son do the same thing like other kids who already start school from pre-school , to be honest...me disagree. Everytime he back from school and bring his work from school. I see all he's doing good and right, looks like he do whatever his teacher ask him to do on that paper.  So, I just want to know is that my son have a behavior problem or not?  In my mind the doesn't have that problem(maybe i was wrong) what he need it just give him some more time to understand and being used to. Note: he really love go to school. Please tell me how to make school also can give him a change or time. and i need some idea too . At home he just a normal 5 years old boy, doing all what he suppose to do and he knows when he has to eat , sleep and pratice his school work with me. why i say normal boy on that age ,yes he sometime still need us to remind him to don't do this and that . but not looks like a serious behavior acting.

[AHP84]

I think you're accurate in saying he's a normal 5 year old boy with no behavioral problems. The circumstances you described of his experiences before kindergarten are pretty self-explanitory of his behavior. He is adjusting to a completely new environment that he is not used to being in, and it will take time to fully get the routines, rules, and behavioral expectations since he's had no prior experience. Some children take a few weeks, others a couple of months, but eventually, they adjust.
If his teacher cannot deal with his behavior, then she needs to tell you so you all can work something out that suits him better, such as switching him to another class. Not all kids are a one-size-fits-all in their behavior and experiences. It would have been ideal for him to be in a pre-school program, sure--but that can't always work out for every family and every child because each situation is unique. That should not be held against you or your son.
He will adjust eventually. His teacher needs to be the one who is more proactive in communicating a helpful solution with you if she's having so many problems with him.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with the above post completely.  I would recommend requesting a sit down meeting with the teacher.  You can't really resolve anything through notes passed back and forth.  

When you have a parent-teacher conference, you can communicate your concerns and opinions, and the teacher can do the same.  You can then work TOGETHER to find some interventions that may help him to adjust comfortably.  

With your son never being exposed to this kind of environment, and not used to being around other children, it's totally normal for him to be struggling to adjust like he is.  

You and the teacher need to get on the same page to devise a plan to benefit your son.

[RockRose]

Tbar,  I agree with the others but I also have some real concerns about his formative years.   You don't go in to great detail,  but it sounds like he's never had a friend,  and had to develop the skills of understanding feedback from other children,  or conflict resolution,  etc.,  that he should be learning at the age of two.  

I don't think preschool is necessary,  but ongoing relationships with children through playgroups,  close relationships with same age cousins,  neighbors,  regular library story hour with the same core group of children each week,  etc.,  are essential in developing his social skills.

It sounds like the only times he's ever been exposed to other children are brief,  chance encounters with children he has never met and won't ever see again,  in an outdoor park setting.

If this is an accurate picture of his childhood,  he's going to need a lot more understanding and help learning the skills the other children learned when they were 2 and 3 years old.  Children who have never been to preschool or daycare often thrive - usually even excel - in Kindergarten,  but not if they haven't had any experience at all forming relationships with other children.

It sounds like you need to have a conference with the teacher and school counselor,  if this is an accurate view of his childhood - that he played in solitary almost all the time - so he can get the help he needs.

And then move forward,  fostering friendships yourself with mothers of children and strongly encourage him to develop after school relationships with children.